So...

willy_gert

DH has to have a kidney transplant. Apparently the damage is worse than our hometown doctors realized.

He doesn't currently qualify for a transplant because of his weight. So he has to lose 50 pounds as soon as possible so that he can get on the transplant list. Then it's a matter of waiting for a kidney.

The specialist thinks he will need dialysis between now and the transplant.

I am completely freaked out and have no real idea of what to do. The closest transplant facility is 3 hours away, thankfully it is where my mom lives...

What do I do? How am I even remotely equipped to be sole caregiver for both my husband and DD and be the bread winner for an extended period of time? How do I do that all without breaking down and crying. That's all I really want right now is to cry, but I feel like DH will crumble if I breakdown.

Sorry I know this is tl: dr and all over the place, but I don't know where else I can let this out.

MeatballEsq

Hugs Willy. You can and WILL handle this. Can he go on short term disability? That would help, financially anyway.

Has the hospital recommended the best method for him to lose the weight?

cmarie520

I have no advice.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.  Its OK to be upset and cry. (((HUGS)))

Bighair12

You will get through this. You have to. You will help your husband lose weight and get him ready for the transplant list. This will be a great life changing experience for you. Don't let this bring you down. You both will recover.

klgrh6

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. It must be really stressful and you probably have a million things going through your head. I will definitely keep you guys in my thoughts & prayers.

Life has a way of working out even when things get really tough. You'll find a way to make it work and do everything you need to do for your family. The good thing is nothing has to be decided tonight. So take some time to process all the information and come up with a game plan. And maybe a glass of wine to ease the stress.

((HUGS))

jbBeans

You'll get through it because you have to. That may not be a comforting thought, but it's the truth. One day you'll look back and marvel at how strong you were. I'm consistently amazed by what people are able to deal with.

But I'm really sorry you're going through this. You'll be in my thoughts.

L8kissie

Go ahead and cry. It's allowed. We are here to vent to as well. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. Hugs!!!

AKB090609

I'm so sorry your dealing with this, my thoughts are with you and your family.

MyNameWasTaken

Willy, I know I don't post here much, so you don't 'know' me and I'm sorry for the potential creep factor here, but I want to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. As for dealing with everything, you just will, because it's what you know you have to do. You might not feel strong enough right now, but you'll find your strength when it's needed. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

hmp1

I am so sorry. You can be a strong woman for your family and still have a cry when you need to. If you want to stay positive infront of your husband, save up your tears for the bathroom. No shame in that.
I wish your husband well on his weight loss and surgery.

MrsKipper

I'm very sorry about everything that you have going on! I hope once he gets on the list, they find him a match very soon!

jayja2007

I'm sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are with you and your family. You will get through this.

redneckmomma25

I'm sorry. It's overwhelming. You haven't had much time to process it all. You can do it. Ask for help if you can and need.

icedcoffeeluv

I'm so sorry. As everyone else said you will make it work. When given these situations we always find a way to work things out.

I'm sure it will be a lot less overwhelming once you have some time to process it.

Also go ahead and cry if you need to. Don't be afraid to show emotion. I know you want to be strong for your DH and that is understandable. Find someone to be strong for you and if you need to cry to that person you can.

BillyMollyEmmy

I'm so sorry, Willy, but I know you can find the strength to get through this! One day at a time. 

mrsbhk22

I'm really sorry you are going through this. Turn on the fan in the shower and have a good ugly cry. You've got a lot in your plate and holding it in will only add to your stress.

I'll be thinking of you.

BPer

I am so sorry that you're going through this. I cannot even imagine. Have a good cry, and a glass of wine. Did the doctor give him a plan as to how to lose the weight?

jocymama

Willy, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. You will find the strength to get through it and you will amaze yourself with what you are capable of handling.  Thoughts and prayers for you and your family right now. 

BeebopandBuddy

That sounds really stressful, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.

Flamingemu

I am so sorry hon. It will be okay and you will be fine. It is totally normal and okay to cry. Maybe you and your DH need a good cry together. 

KTC926

Thinking of you and your family Willy!!

MarisaKathleen

From what I know, Atkins helps you lose weight quickly, so that might be the route to go for your DH because of wanting to get on that list ASAP. That being said, obviously you'll want to talk to your doc to see what's going to be the healthiest for him.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  And really, it's totally ok to cry.  I spent roughly 10 months crying every single day on my way home from work after my Dad & Grandparents died because I was in the car by myself and could be alone with my grief without my DH there to feel bad or try and make me feel better.  Ask for help with DD.  Be that from family members, friends, if you're involved with a church, whoever.  You'll need extra help.  And dialysis isn't a kiss of death.  It'll be time consuming and getting used to it will be a challenge, but once he gets on that routine, it'll be easy to schedule things around.

I also second what @tonir said....see if your DH can get on short term disability at work to help with your income for now.

Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way!

Cheenomae

Hugs @willy_gert, I'm not sure if you saw that I sent you back a message. Keep your head up!

Holly_1007

big hugs willy!

bosha711

I am so sorry. It's situations like this where it sucks being a grown up - all the responsibilities can be overwhelming. Hopefully you have a support system of friends & family that can help you out.

Bug hugs to you & sending healthy vibes to YH}}}}}

BarefootContessa

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this right now. 

melody921

You will get through this. You're stronger than you think. Hang in there. Does your DH have a weight loss plan to make that part easier? Thinking of you, and hoping his wait on the transplant list is short!

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MommaP12

Hugs willy-gert.  I am so sorry about all of this and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

In the meantime, we don't know how strong we are until we are faced with something to test our strength.  You WILL be strong enough to get through this.  Please use this board as a place to vent because we are here to help you.

It's so hard to take things one day at a time, but you have to do that.  And you have to take care of yourself as well.  Take things one day at a time and everyday, remind yourself that this will pass and you are doing the best you can with what you have.  It's okay to break down and cry every now and then to stay sane.

Ask for help from those around you.  It's okay if DD is with a babysitter for an hour here and there so that you and DH can tackle appointments or planning things together.  I know it's hard to leave them when they are little, but they don't remember it when they are 10 and you have to do what you have to do for now.  Don't try to be stoic and take it all on yourself if others are there and willing to help.  I would help if I lived near you!  

eshee8198

I am so sorry. We'll be thinking of you.

1fish2fish

I'm so sorry.

 

Totally cry if you need to.  Then you'll compose yourself, figure out a plan, and start moving through the plan.  It'll become your temporary new reality and you'll adjust to it eventually.  Good luck!  Definitely access any and all physical, financial, and emotional support that you can muster- there's absolutely no shame in asking for help.  people like to help- it makes them feel good!

willy_gert

Ladies of S12, thank you so very much!  All of your words have been so incredibly thoughtful, needed and greatly appreciated!  I hope that I can move through this situation with my DH and show as much grace, compassion and composure as I feel the situation needs.  I sincerely appreciate everything you have said and all of the offers of help, you have no idea how helpful they have been to my aching heart!  

linzeek44

Hugs.
I think you are stronger than you think. I hope it all works out well for you and your family.

Stasi

I'm so sorry to hear about this, but I know you can stay strong for your family. It sounds like you have a "game plan" starting to form on what your husband needs to do to get healthy. Please, don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family, I'm sure they will want to reach out and help you!

watercolor5

Thoughts and prayers and hugs to you and your family.

Kissty

Sorry you and your family are having to go through this.  You will get through it though.  Cry and scream when you need to and also be strong when you need to.  Everyone here will be thinking about you.  We're always here when you need something, even if it's to just get it off your chest.

pharmer78

Take things one day at a time. Allow yourself time to grieve/get angry/panic/process all these changes then remind yourself how strong you are and can be.  And lean on us all as much as you need!!!