Unsolicited advice from FIL loNg

lafsalot

Saturday my FIL came over to cook his specialty for DH at my request. DH has been so busy working on improvement projects and the weather turned cool enough for chicken and dumplings (more like broth and a soggy biscuit to me). While he is boiling chicken, I vacuumed and cleaned carpet in out family room off the kitchen and vacuumed the dining room and living room before going downstairs to help DH in the basement. FIL tells me I shouldn't be vacuuming like that!! Seriously!!! I am not on any restrictions from my doctor! At dinner he says, "that's all your eating, your supposed to eat for 2" - no, I'm supposed to eat for 1 adult with a few extra calories, DH told him there is a baby in my belly and I don't have room for more or I'm miserable! Later, we are watching a movie and I am in iur new rocker/recliner extremely comfortable and I was rocking for a few minutes, he says, "don't start rocking that baby or you will have to rock her all the time." Um, I will do what I feel is right for her and if when she is an infant she associates rocking with sleep I am ok with that, I can wean her from that just like a bottle or pacifier! Then SIL and FIL said something about starting the baby with cereal in her bottle at 2-6 weeks!!! Are you nuts!!! They said they will sleep thru the night... Sorry, I am not a lazy mom. I am going to bF baby and they don't recommend cereal until much later, her poor tummy!!! These people scare me... I will take my research, common sense and pediatrician a advice over this kind of unsolicited advice.... They also don't like that we are CDing...

lafsalot

Have you received bad unsolicited advice?

Kaymee

Sounds like my inlaws. MIL didn't want to hold DS1 in the hospital, for fear of spoiling him too much. FIL always made comments about how much I was eating, and how I needed to eat more.

MIL used to tell me to put sugar in DS1s paci to get rid of his hiccups.

I could seriously write a book. Hang in there.

lafsalot

Oh no they won't watch my child ever... I have friends for that who share my feelings on parenting. SIL spends too much tone in front if TV and PC not paying attention to her kids and FIL is too short on patience.

hollowway

I told a friend that my midwife told me I could start using evening primrose oil at 36 weeks if LO is head down at that point. I explained its suppose to help with effacement/thinning, as opposed to getting membranes stripped. She proceeded to tell me its selfish to try and get baby to come before 40 weeks. Well, if my midwife supports it, instead of doing an invasive procedure, I'll give it a try. Of anything, it'll hopefully help labor go quickly and easy when LO does decide to come. I'd rather her be born at 38 weeks than be born at 42 weeks and risk her breathing/swallowing meconium.

I told her its my body and my baby and a medical professional has cleared it, as long as DD is head down after 36 weeks.

I'd say screw em. Rock, momma, rock!

DebateThis

Okaaaay you really need to take a breather and remind your FIL that things have changed in the last 30 years. ALL of that is information that was routinely given to pregnant women in the time frame that your MIL was pg with your DH. Just because things have changed does not mean that your ILs are going to be dangerous or negligent.

Kfran84

Yeah, my MIL, who is a super accomplished and smart lady, said "I could never get (DH's name) to stay on his stomach to sleep. He always rolled over on his back." Uh! Yikes! But that was the early 80's and the "back to sleep" campaign didn't come around til the 90's. Of course she missed the memo on that- she had school age kids by then.

That's when I learned of the generational differences. Really, they used to tell our parents completely different things. Just correct them on the important stuff (cereal at 2 weeks?!) and let the rest go with an eye roll.

jaymayhatton

Wow... That's ridiculous! I don't think I'd be able to keep my mouth shut if they said stuff like that to me.

lafsalot

Luckily DH trusts me and our healthcare providers advice more than that of his family... I don't correct them, except the cereal thing, I think I did tell them that the AMA says not until 6 months unless directed by pediatrician and he said don't listen to the doctors... Um, medical degree with multiple kids of their own, vs guy with 2 kids that he wasn't around to see much of, I'll go with my gut and doctors. He's "not the mama!" As said on Dinosaurs. LoL!

DebateThis

lafsalot said:

Luckily DH trusts me and our healthcare providers advice more than that of his family... I don't correct them, except the cereal thing, I think I did tell them that the AMA says not until 6 months unless directed by pediatrician and he said don't listen to the doctors... Um, medical degree with multiple kids of their own, vs guy with 2 kids that he wasn't around to see much of, I'll go with my gut and doctors. He's "not the mama!" As said on Dinosaurs. LoL!

Seriously, there is NO reason to even get worked up about this now. Address things as needed or ignore them. Chances are there won't even be an opportunity for your FIL or anyone else to feed LO a bottle with cereal at 2-6 weeks because you'll be BFing/won't be needing babysitters yet and the rocking/cereal things will be completely moot points.

He really sounds like he's trying to be supportive and involved so cut him some slack. Also, learn the art of the phrase "thanks, but we've decided to do things differently" or some other similar phrase that does not open yourself up for advice or negotiations.