2 questions: opinions on doula, but no classes; and how to pick a doula? (a little long)

MamaWombat

DH and I were planning to take Bradley classes and hire an inexpensive doula in training. However, at our appt. this week, our MW suggested that if trying to save money, in her experience, it's better to skip the classes and hire a doula who can help you and your partner with relaxation/comfort techniques during prenatal appts.  Anyone have any experience with trying this route? 

About the doulas....we interviewed some this week and have a couple of front-runners if we go with doula, no classes:

• Option A: Very experienced (20+ births). "Sees role as creating a space around the birth. Suggesting books and exercises for preparation. Emphasis on importance of research." Extroverted and intense hippie-academic. 
  
• Option B: Middling experience (10 births). Focus on "mothering the mother" and providing physical/spiritual support/encouragement De-emphasizes usefulness of practice. Most professional demeanor and was able to articulate specifics of what she would teach us. Reserved, but began to warm up a little towards the end of meeting. 
  

On a personal level, I felt most comfortable with A - I could instinctively trust and rely on her without feeling awkwardness about the intimate nature of birth. Her vision of the doula as the person creating a protective space around the birth really appealed to me. At first, I really didn't connect with B at all, but when she started to warm up towards the end, I could see myself working with her.

DH says he'd be fine with picking A, but he feels like the fact that "she could easily be one of our friends" could make the relationship weird and is concerned that her intensity could lead to conflict with medical personnel; also, he admitted that because she and I clicked so well, he felt a little bit excluded. He favors B for her professional dress/demeanor and what he feels is a good combination of distance and familiarity.

For those who have hired doulas, what characteristics do you feel are most valuable? Is it better to go with an "almost-friend" or a "personal assistant" type?  How did you help your DH feel comfortable and involved?

aylafsu88

I think skipping the classes and going with a doula is a good option.  You can prepare in your own time and read up on natural birth.  H and I took the Bradley classes and while they were useful I could have gotten the material on my own time.  We also had a doula.  In our opinion our doula was the biggest asset to having our natural birth.  We forgot some of the things we learned in class or read about.  Our doula was able to provide that insight and remind us of those things. We encountered things that the classes could not prepare us for, such as felling the urge to push when I was only 8.5 cm dilated and LO being OP.  Our doula got me into positions to help turn LO, helped me breathe through contractions and fight the urge to push.  Our Bradley classes never prepared us for those kinds of things.

As for who you should go with, IMO experience is not very important.  I think it is better to connect with someone especially since they will be there during a very personal event. I went with a doula that I felt friendly with.  We shared a lot of the same philosophies and had similar personality traits.  TO me that was really important becasue I wanted someone to understand and convey my wishes during birth.  IMO I think dress is the least important.  Birth is a hot, wet, messy business so I doubt the doula will show up in a pants suit to a birth. During my birth I told the doula that I wanted her to assist H more than anything and not exclude him.  She was very respectful of that so when I needed counter pressure for back pain she showed my H how to do it instead of pushing him aside.  A good doula should be able to include/incorporate your H especially if you tell her that is what you want.

Arielle27

Personally I was happy to do classes (hypnobirthing) as well as have a doula at my first birth. I felt like I got a lot of information and preparation from both.

As for choosing a doula, I think it's really important to pick someone you click well with. It is a really personal experience and you really want someone you feel comfortable letting in and being there with/for you.

Good luck!

asilwhite

Although I haven't given birth yet, I definitely think if finances are an issue, you could skip the class and just go with a doula. I would recommend doing a lot of reading/research on your own though. There are a ton of great books and videos out there to help you.

As for the doula, I would go with the one who makes you feel comfortable with and you vibe with the most. I thought I was going to have a tricky time picking because on paper they all looked really great, but as soon as I met with my doula, I knew she was the one. I instantly clicked with her and have had great interactions with her already and I'm 37 weeks. 

Good luck!

msjanet02

having a doula for me was the most important part of my birth experience. i can't believe i was considering not having one if i couldn't afford one. i interviewed a few, and generally i really liked them. but most were out of my budget. a friend referred me to someone who would work within our budget, and when i met her, i had a really good feeling about her. we clicked. i liked her point of view, her level of experience, her progressive politics, her calm energy... and i loved when she said that mainly her job is to not allow the hospital to bully me. bam. key phrase. i loved what she was about. i have to say, i did a ton of research on my own though, and i went to her for refining (the birth plan, laboring positions, readings, etc.). 

i could also tell that she could easily be one of our friends, and now she actually is. she gets me, we're actually the same age, i love her as a person. and when it was game time, she was ON. talk about professional, motherly, supportive, knowledgeable. she was instrumental in having the birth experience i wanted, while a lot of the things i learned in the classes just went out the window. i needed her right there coaching me through each contraction, helping my husband to apply counter pressure, suggesting hot showers or warm compress, making sure i stayed hydrated...

as for the classes, i took free prenatal info classes through my hospital, and a $100 4-class series of birthing through the hospital as well. i looked into hypnobirthing and bradley method, but finances really restricted those options. my husband read "The Birth Partner," which was really good. what i felt was really worth my money were the prenatal yoga classes that i took, and the weekly acupuncture appointments in the last month of pregnancy.

good luck making a decision. i say, go with your gut!

 

MamaWombat

Thank you, ladies! Your input was very helpful. 

We've decided to forego the Bradley classes and hire the midwife who I felt "clicked" best. I'm usually pretty uncomfortable with new people and slow to open up, so I think having someone who I practically felt like hugging goodbye by the end of the interview is going to make all the difference, given the up close and personal nature of birth.

So far, I've read both Penny Simkin's books, Ina May's, Mayo Clinic, both Bradley books (1940s and 1990s), and Thinking Women's Guide to a Better Birth. I have the Big Book of Birth and Natural Hospital Birth on request at the library. I'm planning to ask my doula for more suggestions, but are there others you've found especially helpful that you would recommend?