Intro to the premie board

pinkstrawberries

Hello all. I am new to the premie board. I just delivered a beautiful baby boy on Thursday 9-19 at 32 weeks. I was diagnosed with pre-e just a few days before and was hospitalized. His heart rate started dropping and my kidney function started to dwindle so my OB and perinatologist decided to induce me. He was born at 3 lbs 3 oz and 16 in long.
I just came home from the hospital today. I have a 3 year old boy already that I had a text book pregnancy with. It was truly a shock to me to have complications this time as I am sure it is with anyone! I was actually born as a premie due to my mom also having pre eclampsia. The weird thing is, I am the exact same age as she was when she delivered me.
My little man is doing well in the NICU, but I have had a few melt downs today. I had extreme jealousy when I saw another mom being brought to her post partum room with her baby in her arms. Also seeing another mother get to take her baby home while I walked out with out mine. It was so hard.
I thought coming to this board and having other moms who know what I am going through could help me.
I feel like I should have done something different. I know I couldnt have, but as his mom, my body was supposed to protect him until he was born, instead it was detrimental. That is what I am feeling right now.
Anyways, thanks for reading. I just needed to put something somewhere that people will understand and not just immediately tell me it's not my fault and I am silly for thinking that.

staceymack

Welcome and congratulations! I had twin girls about a month ago at 33w 4d. They spent 2 week in NICU. I have just recently learned from the supportive ladies here that those feelings are our normal. It may help to attend a meeting or NICU support group. You should be able to find a some variation of a family support group in your NICU. Best wishes for a short stay.

Irishsapphire

Welcome to the preemie board!  I had my son close to 31 weeks.  It was surreal experience.  I just remember seeing other mothers holding their baby and being wheeled to their postpartum room.  Meanwhile, I was on a stretcher, and I was wheeled up to the NICU a couple of hours later.  And I could hear another baby in another postpartum room crying while I was sleeping.  My baby was in the NICU. When I was released from the hospital, I went to Babies R' Us, and I just saw the other pregnant women and the other babies.   

I visited my son every day.  I talked to social workers.  I talked to the nurses.  I went to the support groups at the hospital.  I talked to other parents who were open to talking to me.  Some parents are reserved when they visit their baby in the NICU.  But some parents were very open, and we had good conversations.  And it was a happy time when I found out their baby was going home. 

And then my son did come home.  And we went to Babies R' Us the first weekend he was home. 

ashleymarie512

Welcome, congratulations and good luck!!

We're on day 50 of our NICU stay. I had my DD at 30 weeks due to pre-e/HELLP. I totally understand the feelings of jealousy and resentment, I feel them too!

aliwisewoman

Mine was more about pregnant women. I would be almost 34 weeks. My twin boys were born at 30 weeks and they will be 4 weeks old in 2 days. Unbelievable! Whenever I start thinking negative thoughts, I remind myself that it's water under the bridge. My boys are here, they can't be put back. There are no do-overs so I have to keep moving forward. But I totally understand. It is so hard. Your little guy should be home soon. Keep your chin up!

luvboston

Congrats on your baby. Good luck

bennyandthejets13

Congratulations! Don't worry everything your feeling is normal. It takes a huge emotional toll having a preemie and having a baby in the NICU. I had DS at 34w due to my water breaking unexpectedly. I recently posted about all these feelings recently in a post "how do you remember it?" And a lot of these wonderful ladies shared their experiences and how hard and scary it all was. Welcome and congratulations and hoping for a speedy uneventful NICU stay.

Pips09

Congrats on your baby! Best wishes for a short NICU stay.

Throw3ks

Welcome to the board! Hoping for a short and healthy stay for you!

OMGTree

Congrats on your baby! Welcome to the board.

direy25

Congrats on your baby boy and welcome to the board. As pp's have said, your feelings are definitely normal. During the first part of our NICU stay LO was in a room that held 2 babies. They kept putting "short timers" in with us and I watched 3 different families take their babies home within a week. I cried every single time. Of course I was happy for then but it just didn't seem fair. Having this board to vent / talk to has been such a life saver. I hope you have a short and uneventful NICU stay.

jcsntms06

Congratulations on the birth of your little guy.

I had my first due to pre-e and she spent 13 days in the NICU. All your feelings are totally normal. Praying for a short and uneventful NICU stay. Please keep us posted.

MinaE01

Congrats on your baby boy! Those early NICU days are TOUGH, lots of ups and down. Just remind yourself that one day soon, you will be the proud momma carrying your baby out of the hospital never to look back. Hang in there! Welcome to the board!

DrRx

Welcome and congratulations on your little guy!  My daughter was born at 26w2d due to pPROM, and I understand your feelings of your body betraying you.  I'm sorry that you have to go through this experience, but the ladies on this board are a great support.  I remember how hard it was when I had to walk past all the ladies who got wheeled out with their babies every day, multiple times a day, when I went to visit my daughter in the NICU.  When my daughter was released after 83 days in the NICU, the nurse made me sit in a wheelchair and hold her in my arms, so that I could have the same experience of being wheeled out with my baby.  Let me just tell you that I got to have my ugly cry, but with a huge smile on my face. 

Good luck to your little guy and your family on your NICU journey.  Feel free to vent or ask questions.

megs2011

Congrats and welcome! I know that feeling all too well. My twins were born at 34+4 due to Pre-e with HELLP. I cried everyday leaving my babies behind for 4 weeks. I was jealous of everyone who was still pregnant that were due around the same time as me. I still think about it and it makes me sad that my body failed.