S/O Self Pity Stage

CaptainSerious

Am other only one who has a really hard time listening and being sympathetic to parents of typical children? I'm not even talking about blagplaints, but parents who, honest to goodness are venting/expressing their concerns about their children--things which I know would have totally concerned me if I was in their shoes--but all the while, all I can think is, "if that's your biggest problem, you have no idea." Or, "I WISH my concerns about my kid were about something so trivial." Or, "You have NO idea what I'm dealing with, and I pray you never do." Basically, I've become so unsympathetic to typical families' problems, and that's completely against my nature. I don't like tis about me, but I really can't take other people's complaints seriously any more, even tough I know it's a big deal to them. And then I remind myself that it's a big deal to them and get bitter that something like what they are facing is no longer what I consider a big deal because of the shitty hand we've been dealt.

Ash2015

I'm right there with you! I feel like I want to vomit out of disgust when I hear NT parents complaining about "big" problems. Like, yeah it sucks that your daughter is constantly running around and getting into things she's not supposed to (talking to you, cuz!), but I'm over here worried about whether my kid is going to be able to walk on his own. I get that people need to vent, but I really feel like I'm the last person they should talk to about difficulties. DS is the only SN kid in our entire family so it feels like no one else really "gets" it. Of course, I wouldn't ever WANT them to "get" it; I'd never wish that on my worst enemy. Ugh, it just sucks. 

kcisthebombdotcom

I kind of have a foot in both worlds as my oldest is well developing though was delayed once upon a time and my youngest has much more noticeable delays and medical issues. So I pretty much complain about all the more minor issues your friends complain about AND the more serious stuff. Lol. I've definitely had fleeting moments like what you have though. For me, the self pity comes when ds hit a new milestone I feel sad that dd may never do those things or will take years of therapy to do what comes so effortlessly to him.

oandmplus1

I often feel this way. But I am also guilty of distancing myself from some of the moms that have NT kids because I can't take hearing all the new wonderful things their kid is able to do, all the while I am just holding my breath waiting to see if my DD will ever say her first word or will ever do something as simple as wave.

Assembly_Reqd

I do feel bitter and sad on the inside, but I also really really WANT to hear the typical kid stories so I can live vicariously! There is a value to listening because you will learn what things your child needs more practice on. Sometimes it is a nice kick in the pants to work harder for me. Not that I don't already burn the candle, but it helps refocus me. I have to reframe my thinking or else I will just become a 'Ms. McBitterson"

I really, really, REALLY wanted to go with my sister when she dropped her son off at college. I offered to help drive I wanted the experience SO badly. It was a 'just in case' investment/trial I was willing to put myself through just so I could experience it. I didn't tell her how bad I wanted to go, because I knew she probably wanted private time with her son and her feelings. I cry just thinking about it.

ToastieSimons

Assembly_Reqd said:

I do feel bitter and sad on the inside, but I also really really WANT to hear the typical kid stories so I can live vicariously! There is a value to listening because you will learn what things your child needs more practice on. Sometimes it is a nice kick in the pants to work harder for me. Not that I don't already burn the candle, but it helps refocus me. I have to reframe my thinking or else I will just become a 'Ms. McBitterson"

I really, really, REALLY wanted to go with my sister when she dropped her son off at college. I offered to help drive I wanted the experience SO badly. It was a 'just in case' investment/trial I was willing to put myself through just so I could experience it. I didn't tell her how bad I wanted to go, because I knew she probably wanted private time with her son and her feelings. I cry just thinking about it.

As DS1 gets farther from typical development I feel this way too. In a sense I have it easier because he will never be typical. He will never be in a mainstream class and have invisible disabilities. I have found it so much easier to see joy in others and my son because that typical child isn't even within grasp for me. I also live vicariously through others though I don't think I would want to do college drop,off, I don't even want to drop my kid off at preschool because I don't want him leaving me.

bumpuser511563

I don't have any other children that I know I can live vicariously through or be happy for friends. And here I don't know if that is a good thing or not. It will only benefit me to keep me from being jealous. It is still there no matter how much I avoid NT parents and kids.

We were at Albertson's yesterday and another mom from DS's preschool recognized DS because her DS rides the bus together with him. I took off to take DS to smell the flowers without having him say hi only because we got a report that DS was kicking, biting and scratching on the bus. The last thing I need is for them to tell me my DS hurt other people.

MirandaHobbes

I'm trying to get better at this myself. I signed up to be Room Parent of my son's mainstream room. Last week I attended a social gathering of all the other Room Parents. It was terrifying. DH and I have withdrawn from most couples we know who have kids, so I'm not around parents very often. It's just too difficult. But, as PP mentioned, you have to understand the typical kids to help your own. I'm always straddling that line of wondering whether to share DS' diagnosis or not. I don't want to use it as a "poor me" card, but I also want the other parents to "get" DS and not just be annoyed by him when they interact with him.