Is this odd? Tl;dr

littlestjerry

BIL/SIL have a new baby, almost three months old and a kid age three. They live down the street from my parents in law. I've said before that my inlaws babysit for them no less than once per week, often at least 2-4 times a week. On the days, they aren't babysitting, BIL/SIL go over to their house. I'd say 5-7 nights a week they are there. They'll stay for hours. I know why they do it. My other SIL and her daughter live with my parents in law, so my two nieces entertain each other, often with FIL or the SIL that lives there watching them. BIL drinks their beer. MIL cooks dinner for everyone. To add to what I think is oddness, now that they have the new baby MIL is like a coparent. If one of them is gone at night, like 2 nights ago SIL went out with her friends, MIL goes over and rocks the baby while BIL puts the three year old to bed. This has happened multiple times. Even before they had two kids, MIL did all kinds of stuff for them. Like, when they would drive back into town from vacation, she would have to go over and watch my niece so they could unpack the car. Anyway, beyond thinking it's odd, it makes me feel super left out of the family. They're together all the time. It's a weird dynamic because technically we could go over there every night too, I just think that's weird and like to spend time together just the three of us. I feel sad sometimes because MIL is so clearly closer to my nieces/nephew than DS. At DS' birthday party, she about died seeing my baby nephew because they had been out of town FOUR nights and she "hadn't seen him in soooo long." This is so long, sorry. Anyway, this dynamic is odd, no? Or am I judgy/butthurt over nothing?

BoatsNHoes

I'm of the belief that it takes a village. Maybe they just enjoy each others company. I'm close with my family and often lean on them for help when H is away. I would make more of an effort to go over there if you're feeling left out and want to be included. You might be the third wheel at first but if nothing else play date for your kiddo

Eta: I'd be butthurt if they ignored my kid

Libby1978

Question, is that your husband's sister's or brother's family?  I only ask because my in-laws are way closer to my SIL than they are to DH.  MIL takes care of her baby everyday while she works and they go out to eat together all the time.  It makes me a little (or a lot) jealous sometimes.  We do things with them as well, but not as often. 

Mags748

That would be too much for me.Like you said, I like having time to spend together as a family, without extended family. It sounds like they don't get much of that. I think its great that they get to see their grandparents often. I mean I wouldn't even think it was too much if they saw them every day, but not for such extended periods of time. Like going over for an hour or so in the evening, but not having the grandparents make dinner almost every night. It sounds like they rely on them a little too much for help with the kids. 

littlestjerry

@sgreen13, no I don't! That's where I'm wondering if its my fault, but I just don't want to sit at their house all night every night. @Libby1978, it's DH's brother, sis, and parents involved. Th other dynamic is that BIL is MIL's clear favorite so that also causes me butthurtness already.

littlestjerry

Well, my cynical view is they go there to avoid parenting their very active daughter. Plus, free beer and dinner. They almost never spend time as a family of three, now four. Seriously, maybe 3-4 waking hours a week.

Libby1978

Little Jerry said:

@sgreen13, no I don't! That's where I'm wondering if its my fault, but I just don't want to sit at their house all night every night. @Libby1978, it's DH's brother, sis, and parents involved. Th other dynamic is that BIL is MIL's clear favorite so that also causes me butthurtness already.

Oh yeah, my SIL is my MIL's favorite for sure.

littlestjerry

Brandi Bee said:

With my fam I almost wonder if my mom doing a third of the child care wasn't a deciding factor in their decision whether or not to have children.

I know exactly what you mean. I really wish I could just leave it at a side eye and move in, but it hurts my feelings so much. I mean she fawned all over my nephew at DS' party and barely noticed DS. Because four days away was just TOO much. Obviously, she goes four days without DS all the time. DH can just put it aside. He readily admits MIL likes those grand kids more, but doesn't care because "she still loves DS too." Damn men and their lack of emotional thinking.

theseaword

Eh, not that weird. We're not like this as DH likes his space (I would personally enjoy having family over a little more), but if the dynamic works for all involved, I see no harm.

Libby1978

Little Jerry said:

Brandi Bee said:

With my fam I almost wonder if my mom doing a third of the child care wasn't a deciding factor in their decision whether or not to have children.

I know exactly what you mean. I really wish I could just leave it at a side eye and move in, but it hurts my feelings so much. I mean she fawned all over my nephew at DS' party and barely noticed DS. Because four days away was just TOO much. Obviously, she goes four days without DS all the time. DH can just put it aside. He readily admits MIL likes those grand kids more, but doesn't care because "she still loves DS too." Damn men and their lack of emotional thinking.

OMG!  This is exactly like my DH.  It bothers me WAY more that his parents like his sister more than him.  He's all meh about it.

s0ulchicken

I think it is pretty strange. As a mother and wife, I just can't imagine wanting to spend that kind of time with DH's parents, or mine. Sure, it would be nice to have help now and then, but I value my downtime and privacy too much for that level of comittment.

nixieknox3

my DH's family is the same way.  his brother and sister are at their parents' house every waking minute.  it's a bit much.  we get chewed out on a regular basis because DH only calls his mother 1-2 times a week and we only see them 1-2 times a week.

lildevil968

Honestly, if my MIL acted like that at my DS's birthday party, and it hurt my feelings, I would definately address it with her, or have DH talk to her. She may not even know that she was doing that.

With that, I think it is odd that they are over there all the time. When DH and I first moved here, his parents where at our house every single weekend. Finally DH told them that we needed our space, settle in, and to get used to be being around family. Their weekly visits have dwindled down to 1-2 times a month.

littlestjerry

She is loving to DS, for sure, so I don't feel like we could say something. It's just obvious that she cares about them more. Probably because she's with them all the time!

wiggyslilsis

I think it sounds like a bit much but they might just like having that big family dynamic. Try thinking about it like you guys are choosing not to go over there because if it is your choice then they aren't excluding you or leaving you out.

We have Sunday night dinner at my parent's and they often keep LO that night but lately they have been wanting to take her home Saturday night and then we go out Sunday but they still keep her Sunday. We also do Friday night dinners with MIL but we switch who hosts.

My mom sees us all the time and she adoresLO but my brother lives across the country and has a boy who is almost one. While my mom feels closer to my daughter she doesn't love him any lless she just has a different relationship. Of course I don't know how your MIL feels but I would guess that she loves your DS the same as the others even if she isn't as "close" with him.

Soxgirl07

We see my parents a lot. My mom (and sometimes dad) comes over after work 2x a week for an hour or so and we hang out with them at least once over the weekend. Sometimes we practically spend the whole weekend with them.
Sometimes when I think about it, I feel it's weird, but we're all really happy with the arrangement.

They are the only babysitters we've ever had besides daycare.

We always pay our own way when we go out though and we have them over for dinner more than they have us over.

SpaceGirlSpiff

It's kind of a to each their own situation.  My H and I see his parents all the time, and his whole family lives in the general area.  I am one of the lucky few though who love my inlaws like a second set of parents, and have no issues or drama with them at all.  When I was 21 and first moved to CA (my H and I were long distant previously) we actually rented a room/bathroom from them for awhile while I was getting myself established with job/school etc... we all cohabitated peacefully and built good relationships.

If we lived right next to them, we'd probably go over or have them come over several times a week... our DS has a very close relationship with them and we enjoy their company.  Alas, we live about 20 or so minutes away so we usually limit it to weekends most the time.

So to someone like me, it doesnt seem weird.... BUT I can see on the other hand that maybe it seems smothering/too much to another person ... just depends on your family dynamics, and relationships.