Is anyone really doing it all?

highlights

I'm working 45-55 hours per week (two jobs), have two kids, doing volunteer work and struggling to keep the house clean. My H is definitely pulling his weight in all of this, and we're doing okay, but I'm wondering, is anyone truly "doing it all?" 

By doing it all, I mean- are there clean houses out there? Kids who don't eat pizza on a weekly basis? Or is Pinterest lying to me? 

ASmallWonder

I work 40 hours a week and DH works more/commutes more so I do most morning and evening routines all alone.  We eat pizza weekly.  There are always clean clothes in baskets in our living room.  The play room usually looks like a tornado hit it.  You can put me firmly in the camp of "Not doing it all."  But you know what?  My house isn't DIRTY, my kids are fed and go to daycare in clean clothes.  I make sure I get to go to bed at a reasonable hour because hello, I deserve to be healthy and rested as much as anyone else.  The rest of it gets done when it gets done

FemShep

Pinterest (and Facebook and all other forms of social media) is a lying liar.

Some of the best advice I ever received:  You can have it all, but you almost certainly can't have it all at once.

aglenn

I agree with the prior posters.  You could drive yourself crazy trying to be "perfect" on everything, and for what purpose?  It is not worth it, in my opinion, so I choose my battles.

And definitely social media = largely exaggeration and lies.  I think a lot of stuff posted here is total BS as well.  People like to appear that they have things in better control than they actually do, which is fine as long as you recognize that and don't try to hold yourself to a fake standard.

BP607

I read a recent article about how pinterest is making it even harder to be a parent - like you have to live up to the pinterest standard of living.  Forget about what everyone else is doing and do what works for you - we eat pizza weekly - I look forward to it!  Whatever I get done around the house gets done, I don't fret over it.  

nymom1015

im write there with you.  Have a 6 month old. Husband and I both work over 45 hours a week.  Baby is in daycare.  Dinner is usually leftovers, or something that can be heated from trader joes.  I always feel like im in survival mode, never a moment where i can sit and relax, but i can't complain.  I have everything ive ever wanted.  

Nechie122

I think I do my personal "all," which to me is defined as making time for the things that matter to me. I work full time, read to my child every night, go on dates once a month, see my friends when I can, go running 2-3x a week, and make time to travel. That's it. I don't care about scrapbooking or cooking fancy dinners (luckily DH does so we eat pretty well) or that sometimes I have to stick DD in front of the TV so I can take a work call from China. My car has a big dent in it because I haven't had time to get it fixed and sometimes I have split ends. But I've made peace with that.

FTR, I don't think ANYONE has it all. All of the above was still true even when I worked PT. All it meant was fewer calls from China, more Mommy & Me classes and still no scrapbooking. I'd probably have my car fixed by now, but that'll happen eventually.

jc&cat

Great post and great responses! Focus on the little "wins" and know your making a good life for your family. My house is a disaster (not dirty) and the yardwork needs crazy attention and i need to go through the mail pile and summer clothes for give away and food ship but damn it it's going to 80 tomorrow and we have a chance to go to the beach as a family for the day. It's not doing it "all" but it's doing something thats going to be fun tomorrow and we'll try again for the rest on Sunday.

skibunny59

I do A LOT but I don't clean.  We have a cleaning lady come once a month and we clean when we have company.  On a normal day my house looks like a tornado just came through.  Something's gotta give when you're working and doing so much.  My priorities are cooking yummy nutritious  meals and spending time with DD, DH and the dog.

ccam

The only way I could have it all would be to give up precious one-on-one time with DS, and I won't do that. I'd rather sit on his playmat as soon as we get home, in my work clothes, and build a tower out of legos then have a perfectly clean house. We're all fed and happy so that works for me.

LoCarb

No, I don't do it all. I outsource cleaning, lawn maintenance, cooking,etc...

SoMoNY

Nope and we don't even care.

Does the house need to look staged for selling 24/7?  Nope

Is everyone fed, clothed, clean and happy?  Yep

Good enough for me

YellowTulips521

I don't work as many hours as you and my house is never spotless. Its clean, but there's always papers on the counter, baby toys in the living room, clothes needing to be hung up. My mom is very OCD about making sure her house is spotless, so I think that's why I'm more relaxed about it. As long as your family has a roof over their head, is fed, clothed and happy, don't beat yourself up about the little things. Not worth the stress!

DiveFrog

I do have it all, maybe not all that society/FB/Pintrest says I should have/do...but everything I personally find important is getting done.

For me it is all about knowing who you are as a person. When you completely accept who you are, and stop trying to fit in with other parents/people/families and/or compete with them you will discover that you are "doing it all".

Everyone is going to have more that they wish they could do...I would love for my yard to look 100 times better than it does, and I wish we could manage to clean more frequently...but you know when faced with the option and choice to do those things I very frequently make different choices...to spend time with DD, or go swimming, or watch a movie with DH, or read a book. And I never feel guilty about my decisions because they are true to who I am...

 

 

 

lsigler

I swear, sometimes pizza, tacos, and spaghetti are weekly meals haha! 

honeybee111

IMO, no one is truly "doing it all".  And I could worry about this for the rest of my life, but my family is healthy and happy, so that's all that really matters.

skyejo

It's a constant ebb and flow. Some weeks I'm really good about grocery shopping and meal planning. Other weeks it's chicken nuggets and pizza delivery. Sometimes all my laundry is folded and put away. Other times I re-run the washer three times before I have time to throw it in the dryer. Some days my house is picked up, but this never seems to be the case when random company stops by.

But I'm enjoying my kiddos, my husband, all our family outings, my job, and am really truly happy. So while I might not be doing it all, I feel like I have it all.

C12H22O11

I *am* doing it all. But to me that means making sure I'm fulfilled in my own career, saving for retirement and college educations, ensuring DS has a good preschool environment, and that DH, DS and me all enjoy the down time we have together.

Doing it all =\= how many wreaths I can make, pot roasts I can cook, or decorations I can hang for /insert ridiculous made up third tier holiday here/.

laurakaz13

I work 45 hours a week, one toddler, husband is a military pilot with crazy schedule.  Our house is always clean, but we hire a service to clean it.  All the clothes are washed, but they're in the basket still.  DD watches one cartoon per evening, just so I can get dinner ready. 

We eat pizza once a week.  We also eat lots of things we cook on the grill, veggies we can steam in the microwave, sandwiches, pasta, salads, etc. 

I work out every single day either during lunch, early a.m. or after DD is in bed.  I love working out so this is non-negotiable. 

DH and I get date nights once a week or so and hang out a lot with friends on weekends.  We have a few great sitters and will hire them so we can go out after DD is in bed.  That way we get tons of time with DD, but still adult time after she is in bed. 

So no, I don't do it all.  I do the best I can.  Hiring out a lot of these things is the only way we can do it. 

vlong4

BP607 said:

I read a recent article about how pinterest is making it even harder to be a parent - like you have to live up to the pinterest standard of living.  Forget about what everyone else is doing and do what works for you - we eat pizza weekly - I look forward to it!  Whatever I get done around the house gets done, I don't fret over it.  

This is why I've stopped going on Pinterest. When things get done, they get done. We look forward to our pizza and movie Fridays. We do breakfast for dinner a couple times a week because it's easy. Instead of spending time doing things from Pinterest, I'm off taking my DD to tennis lessons, my DS to swimming, etc...

TheBorg7of9

Ditch the volunteer work, hire a maid, don't worry about what's for dinner and forget about having it all. What does that even mean?

DenverAmy

If you are "doing it all", you can't possibly be spending quality fun time with your family.

KL777

I think the real question is, "Are you doing what's important to you"? Everything comes in seasons. I SAH the first 3 years and I've been back to work for 2.5. In both of those seasons I needed to tweak certain aspects to make what's important to me happen. I don't try to do the imaginary "all".

Netty_3

We have not completely even unpacked in our house...dh and I are trying to lose weight so we've traded our weekly pizza for chipotle salads...not sure if that's really any better. I can tell you it is whatever is easiest to make in this house and we keep it clean...but it gets messy.

groovygrl

Trust me when I tell you that I could list a huge post all the things that are less than perfect in my life but I know no one can be 100% in all things and we all have our strengths & weaknesses  so I try to be thankful for health, (general) happiness, our financial stability and the other positives in our life.
Facebook is a load of crap 80% of the time and I gag when I see the posts about how AMAZING ppl's spouses are, how their kids are perfect little things all the time, how they get SO MUCH done all.the.time and how companies are fighting over them with counter offers, blah blah blah. The reality ppl want to paint for others.
 
Pinterest- the food is alwyas just eh, the pictures of baby animals & oddly manicured nails and random quotes and pictures of someone's hobby mystify me, and most of the photos of the over the top rooms & parties are done by people who are professionals in the field or pay professionals. So there's my opinion on that   (eta I will say pinterest is very useful for organizing things you've found on your own, ideas for different things, etc... I do use it for very specific things I'm working on but would never compare myself to the photos that are on there...)

 

MammaBear81

It depends on what you mean by "doing it all".  DH and I both work full time, the only thing we hire out (besides part time childcare) is someone to mow our lawn right now because we would have no place to put a lawn mower (no garage or shed).  We eat out maybe twice a month, other than that we cook meals (DH usually cooks).  Our house is clean, we don't have a housekeeper, it gets messy because we live in it, but I'd never expect a house with 10 people in it to be spotless 100% of the time.

michaelaskedlauren

Pinterest and FB are not reality. I have 120% realized this. I used to have FB envy when I looked at some people's fabulousness, but no one posts photos/updates (unless they are bitching) about having a shitshow kind of day.

Am I doing it all? Yes, as PP have said I am doing it all in making sure my family is healthy and happy. Could my house be cleaner? Of course, but has time/the desire to vacuum 24/7 and scrub the toilets? Id much rather be doing something fun with my family.

mhickey426

My dd is 6 months.  My dh works 3-11 pm and I work in a school.  He does stuff around the house but nothing too crazy during the day because he is watching the baby and lets face it men don't multitask all that well.  By the time I pick up my dd or get home to her I have around 2-3 hours with her each night.  We eat, play and spend some quality time together.  By the time she is in bed I really do not feel like doing anything except relaxing for an hour or so and then going to bed,  I really do not want to do stuff when she is awake because I would rather spend the time with her and not the mop.  

Occasionally, I will clean or do laundry during the week but try to save that stuff for the weekends even though there is something to do every weekend.

My house isn't dirty but could be neater.  I could keep up with the laundry better but we are all in clean cloths. I tend to eat something quick or frozen during the week but I make my dd fresh veggies and fruits on the weekends and my dh something nice to eat too.

Nobody is perfect and nobody expects you to be Martha Stewart.  Sure my house could look like the ones on tv or on pinterest if I had a maid, chef and personal child support staff.  It is hard to find a balance but as long as you and your family is happy, fed, and taken care of the rest can come 2nd.

rubber_chicken

I don't trust fb or pinterest at ALL.  Pinterest I view more as a place for wishes - this is what I wish my life was like.  Most of my fb friends are normal, but there's a few who b*tch about everything - and it's like, come on, if you live in the US then life doesn't suck THAT much for anyone. First world problems, people.  Then I have a fb friend who only talks about how much she loves her house and her husband and her boys and staying at home, blahblahblah, vomit.  It makes me laugh, because I know they can't pay their mortgage since she quit her job, and she has a shopping addiction, and she thought she'd get a book deal by writing a parenting blog.  She 100% uses fb as a front so people think she has this perfect life, but we're from a small town and come on, people talk, everyone knows your grandparents paid your mortgage last year.

Tink112011

YellowTulips521 said:

I don't work as many hours as you and my house is never spotless. Its clean, but there's always papers on the counter, baby toys in the living room, clothes needing to be hung up. My mom is very OCD about making sure her house is spotless, so I think that's why I'm more relaxed about it. As long as your family has a roof over their head, is fed, clothed and happy, don't beat yourself up about the little things. Not worth the stress!

My mom's home is ridiculously spotless too.  I'm convinced they don't actually live there.  I think the state of my house makes her cringe, but she doesn't ever say anything and I don't actually care.

I do everything it takes to keep my family happy and well cared for.  That means my house is definitely not spotless.  There are dust bunnies and clutter.  The bathroom mirrors are always splattered.  I don't volunteer much in the community.  I dream about crafts while browing Pinterest, but never even intend to do any of them.  But by golly, I'm happy and so is my family!

sugarbear0524

I work a little under 40 hours a week and have a 2 year old son.

 The living room looks like matchbox cars and Thomas the Train had babies in it. They are seriously everywhere. I cook about 5-6 nights per week (which I enjoy) and do the dishes most nights (not always!). As far as cleaning goes, I do a little here and there during the week and more on weekends. The big stuff like washing windows hardly ever gets done. My house doesn't resemble pinterest, but I do a little fall and Christmas decorating.

We don't outsource anything. We are sacrificing this (which is huge to me) so we can get out of debt. I told DH I wanted to re-visit this when our debt is paid off which will be next summer.

jetgrrrl

sugarbear0524 said:

 The living room looks like matchbox cars and Thomas the Train had babies in it. They are seriously everywhere.

lol - I know that feeling!

I seriously do not know how anybody manages to work full time, have kids and have a halfway clean house without a housecleaner at least every other week (which is what we've done up to now). Then again, we just moved and we may no longer be able to afford our house cleaner, so I may find out lol!

aibrean

Something to consider: if you have your child in daycare, don't necessarily pick up directly after work. Go home and clean or take care of one thing before picking up. My hubby gets home at 4 and then picks up our daughter at 5/5:30 (daycare is literally less than 5 minutes away). 

Meery82

Here's an example of the Pinterest/FB smoke and mirrors: last Christmas, we were taking pictures of DS for his first Christmas. He was in front of his giant stuffed polar bear, next to the fireplace and the tree. I threw in a few other props at the last minute. I snapped a picture with my ipad and it turned out to be absolutely gorgeous. The lighting was just right, the baby was smiling, etc. Pure luck. A woman I know tried to have the picture printed at Walgreens to put in a gift album for my mom (she saved it off my FB) and they almost wouldn't let her have it printed because they thought it was a professional photo. LOL.

If you were to see that same area of my house right now, you would see a ratty dog bed, toys strewn about, an unlit /unmagical (Is that a word?) looking fireplace, and probably a snot nosed toddler drooling all the way down to his diaper. 

ETA: I forgot to mention that at that time, I was losing my mind with untreated PPD/anxiety. Now, I'm on medication and am much happier. It just goes to show you, you never know what's really going on behind the picture.