Vent / scared / worried / just need someone that understands...

Alaws88

Background - I have a 4.5 year old daughter (will be 5 in January) who is autistic. She is nonverbal.. Only babbles and makes loud noises. She also isn't potty trained. I work every day with potty training, she will hold it the whole time on the potty then will go as soon as she gets off. Needless to say its frustrating. It is so hard, I feel so alone, all if my friends have "normal" developing children and it literally breaks my heart to see them interact and play with their parents, I want that with my daughter so badly.

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with another little girl. (Different fathers) But I am so nervous/worried/scared of her having autism. I have a gut feeling she will be just fine but I can't shake this fear. I just want to know what causes austism so I can prevent it with DD2 and help DD1. I get so paranoid about everything! I blame myself for DD1 dx, maybe it was something I did? Like ate too much junk food while pregnant or got my hair dyed while pregnant (ridiculous, I know) but I analyze everything. I feel like I failed DD1. I just want to help her come through this. She is such a sweet, and loving child. And I feel like she is being robbed of a normal childhood.. She tries so hard to express what she wants or needs but she just can't get words out.. I feel so bad.

Is it normal to feel this way?
I just want answers.....

Alaws88

Edit - sorry for typos, on mobile..

Also had anyone had genetic testing done for autism? Can genetic testing tell if it comes from the mother or father? .. Or both?

lite-bright

We haven't had genetic testing done, but I think it's very, very normal to want answers and to want to be able to prevent ASD in another child. Unfortunately, we just don't know much about the why and the hows of autism; plus ASD varies wildly in how it presents. 

I think the best thing you can do is just try to be healthy, and not blame yourself. None of us know what to avoid or to do in order to prevent autism, if that's even possible. 

My DD1 has ASD, but my DD2 is typical. It can happen, and the odds are actually in your favor for a healthy, NT kiddo -- even if it doesn't feel that way. Good luck. 

typeset

Hi. My son has ASD. See ticker. 

We're in a slightly different situation. I know my son has a maternally inherited genetic mutation. They can't definitively say it caused his autism, but it's in a super-fun area associated with a host of disorders. I don't have a Dx. There's a 50% chance another kid will inherit the same glitch, but there's not a 50% autism risk. A de novo (spontaneous) or paternally inherited mutation in your daughter might provide you with some peace of mind--but more likely they won't find a mutation or they won't be able to provide you with clinical significance if there is a mutation. They just don't have the information yet. 

mommytoconnor

I understand how you feel.  Don't blame yourself. You didn't cause your DD autism.  Experts still aren't clear exactly what causes it.  Something to think about.  Look at it as if God choose you to be her mother.  These are special kids and even though I know it's not easy, you are still blessed that you get to be her mother. We all question why it is our kid, that's normal.  Just know that you have support here and you are not alone. Hugs to you.

pastalady

You did not cause your DD's autism. It's normal to want answers and know what caused it but like pp said, it is not something you did. The most important thing is to get lots of information. I really like the book The Potty Journey. I really didn't think DD would potty train until much older. She had no signs of readiness. We read this book and it worked. Also, do not believe where you guys are now is where you will be a year from now. Last year my DD tested as basically non-verbal. Bottom .5 % for speech. Now she does not qualify as having a speech delay. One of the myths of autism is that small window of treatment time. It's not true. I know parents who had 12 year olds start talking! I think the best advice I got was from another mom who told me its normal to grieve for what I think I lost but do not ever grieve for DD, as she is happy and isn't missing out. I cannot remember exactly how she put it but basically DD's dreams and path to happiness is not the same as mine. And that is okay.