Why would the court have to get involved just to add the father? So if he signs at birth will anyone be able to look that up and tell that he has signed?
We are trying to decide if the father should be added at birth or later. I want to add him now, well at birth but he is convinced its a public record and his wife will be able to find out ( no lectures please). He wants to wait until after he is more settled. So would a court order be needed for someone to search for it?
Sorry hun that is a sticky situation but I look at it this way does she suspect he is not being faithful. Would there be a reason she would go looking through public files? If not then just put his name on it so you do not have to get a court order later to put it on. Good luck
Have you considered the financial ramifications of not putting him on right away? Paying for a paternity test later and no back child support. On the other hand, if he goes on it now, and stays with his wife - they'll get partial custody of your child. If it was me, I'd leave him off.
Each state is different but by waiting its a possibility of paying for a paternity test.....you can still get back child support it depends on when you file for it and I never heard of any such thing that if he is married he can get partial custody so I don't agree with those two things.....but just put his name on there from what I know she will have to go threw hell and high water to get information about a birth certificate so you should be ok......
Have you considered the financial ramifications of not putting him on right away? Paying for a paternity test later and no back child support. On the other hand, if he goes on it now, and stays with his wife - they'll get partial custody of your child. If it was me, I'd leave him off.
Each state is different but by waiting its a possibility of paying for a paternity test.....you can still get back child support it depends on when you file for it and I never heard of any such thing that if he is married he can get partial custody so I don't agree with those two things.....but just put his name on there from what I know she will have to go threw hell and high water to get information about a birth certificate so you should be ok......
Sorry to burst your bubble but if this married man is the father and he's paying support, he gets to see the kid. Which means the child would be going to his house with his wife. Unless the courts find him unfit as a father, if OP says he is the father, he has rights.
Like I said each state is different but custody rights and visitation rights are two different things....so yes he can be married and pay child support an also put in a request for visitation visit....but this do not automatically give him partial custody that's a separate hearing......
Eta: even if he don't pays child support he has rights but unless it's a mutual agreement between both parents made outside the courts in which the court will honor and just make official you have to file for a hearing before the judge an which he or she will make the final say so based on current circumstances.....
Have you considered the financial ramifications of not putting him on right away? Paying for a paternity test later and no back child support. On the other hand, if he goes on it now, and stays with his wife - they'll get partial custody of your child. If it was me, I'd leave him off.
Each state is different but by waiting its a possibility of paying for a paternity test.....you can still get back child support it depends on when you file for it and I never heard of any such thing that if he is married he can get partial custody so I don't agree with those two things.....but just put his name on there from what I know she will have to go threw hell and high water to get information about a birth certificate so you should be ok......
Sorry to burst your bubble but if this married man is the father and he's paying support, he gets to see the kid. Which means the child would be going to his house with his wife. Unless the courts find him unfit as a father, if OP says he is the father, he has rights.
Like I said each state is different but custody rights and visitation rights are two different things....so yes he can be married and pay child support an also put in a request for visitation visit....but this do not automatically give him partial custody that's a separate hearing......
Eta: even if he don't pays child support he has rights but unless it's a mutual agreement between both parents made outside the courts in which the court will honor and just make official you have to file for a hearing before the judge an which he or she will make the final say so based on current circumstances.....
Mind blowing that you think this is how it works. If he's on the birth cert. Paying child support, he absolutely has the SAME rights as mom until SHE gets a court order otherwise. What makes her more entitled to seeing their child? If he's got a stable home, supportive wife etc, she could end up being the visiting parent.
The other person said he gets partial custody because he's married and paying child support and thats incorrect...neither parent has custody of the child until they go file for it...but yes if the child is in the fathers custody and he his primarily the main provider and she for whatever reason is unable to care for the child then she can do visitation visits....and I did clearly state he does has rights whether he pays child support or not until she goes and file paper work that says otherwise
We are trying to decide if the father should be added at birth or later. I want to add him now, well at birth but he is convinced its a public record and his wife will be able to find out ( no lectures please). He wants to wait until after he is more settled. So would a court order be needed for someone to search for it?
Sounds like he's looking out for himself in this situation, which, means you need to look out for you and your LO. Put him on the birth certificate now so that legally he has responsibilities from day one - if anything were to happen to your relationship - you could seek financial help immediately w/out going through blood tests/courts/etc.
Me: 30, DH: 40
TTC since January 2012HSG & Bloodwork: Normal, SA: NormalDx: Unexplained Infertility 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN (three cycles)
Different states have different laws for this kind of thing so its probably best to just consult an attorney because no one here is going to know all of the specifics
For example, in SC unless you are married, the woman has custody unless the man takes her to court whether paternity was established on a birth certificate or not and birth certificates are NOT a matter of public record and easily searchable by any person (must be the parent or the child with ID to do so)...
Sounds like you need to do some research
BFP #1: January 2012, MMC/BO February 2012;
BFP #2: June 2012, MMC July 2012;
BFP #3: February 2013
I am seprated and having a baby with my boyfriend. I want to put my Maiden name instead of my married name on our son BC. Some have told me I would have to put my married name and list my soon to be ex on BC. I will not do this to my child.
Put his name on the birth certificate. It will protect your LO in case he decides he no longer wants to leave his wife or just no longer wants to be part of your life. I know that's tough for you to read, but he can, on less than a moment's notice decide that he no longer needs to support you-because he has no legal obligation to. Not having him sign the birth certificate makes it easier to avoid the legal obligation to your LO too.
People aren't being negative, they're being realistic. If it works out for you, great! But if it doesn't, your LO will be stuck in the middle of this and you as the mother need to have your child's best interests in mind. It would be in your child's best interest to have the father listed on the birth certificate. Simple as that. If you don't like the advice given to you here, that's fine. It's only a message board. Talk to a lawyer about it.
No one has been negative based on their unhappiness. We are providing realistic advice. I hope for the sake of your LO that you would never have to use his name on the BC to force him into support, I really do. You say "this won't happen to me." But in reality, you are not at all protected and it could end up making things very difficult. Also, God forbid something happens to him, his wife, not you, will make decisions regarding finances, etc. Another scenario where your LO is not at all protected.
Is it bad that I hope this is MUD for the sake of the LO?
Unfortunately your relationship needs to be taken into consideration when responding to your question. I think the father should be placed on the BC now, at birth. While you say that you have a great relationship now, ANY relationship, married or not, can change - so I think it's unwise and irresponsible to leave him off and assume that he'll always take care of you and your LO financially. I think you'll be kicking yourself down the road if you do need to take him to court for custody/child support and are spending money and time trying to prove he's the father.
Please-- for your sake and LO's-- talk to an attorney. Laws are different in every state and the ramifications of putting him on the birth certificate or not depend on the laws of where you live. I can tell you that half of what people are telling you on here isn't true in the state where I practice law, and some people have it half-right for our state. It's not simply an issue of whether his wife finds out or not--- whether his name is on the birth certificate or not has much bigger legal implications.
And I can tell you that based on my experience that the shit will eventually hit the fan with his current wife and that will have an impact on your situation with your SO. It happens at various times and to varying degrees, but when there are other spouses/bfs/gfs/significant others involved it gets messy quickly. It's best to know from a trained legal professional what will happen in best case/worst case/do nothing right now scenarios so you can make a decision based on the facts particular to your situation and the state you live in.
I didn't post to have my relationship criticized. We are happy and have a relationship most would hope for. Our child will be well taken care of. He most certainly will be there for my labor and the birth of our child. I'm so sick of people being negative just because of their own unhappiness.
Most HOPE for - hahaha you're kidding right? I'm not sure I know anyone out there that HOPES to have a relationship with a married man who is hiding from his wife that he has a mistress who is pregnant. Ask you're friends - pretty sure you can't find a soul out there that HOPES for that!
He will get a divorce once the time is right. There are too many factors to consider doing it now. I'm in no rush so I don't see why you all are. I am quite the kept woman, new car, very nice home in an upscale neighborhood and he has set aside an expense account forme. All of these things are in MY name so I am not worried about his wife having any control over my finances. If we wait to put him on the birth certificate it will just be until after the divorce. In the meantime we will continue our relationship and lives as normal. We spend plenty time together, vacations, trips and such so I'm sure spending time with our child will be a non issue. So there will be no question of "where is Daddy?"
Honest question - what does his wife think he's doing when he's with you? Does he tell her he's traveling? Or working? Or is she the one never home. I am honestly curious about this.
He will get a divorce once the time is right. There are too many factors to consider doing it now. I'm in no rush so I don't see why you all are. I am quite the kept woman, new car, very nice home in an upscale neighborhood and he has set aside an expense account forme. All of these things are in MY name so I am not worried about his wife having any control over my finances. If we wait to put him on the birth certificate it will just be until after the divorce. In the meantime we will continue our relationship and lives as normal. We spend plenty time together, vacations, trips and such so I'm sure spending time with our child will be a non issue. So there will be no question of "where is Daddy?"
You know who else has nice cars and houses and expense accounts? Prostitutes. Best of luck to you. I'll just keep my husband because we actually have a relationship most hope for - love, respect and HONESTY!
In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11.
Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind
Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me
Missing you tonight, see you again sometime
For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
Now and Forever
My baby you'll be
Hmmmmm... OP... I would say I have no words for you, but I do. Boy do I. I'm gonna make this easy, and instead of preach, let you answer some questions.
When will the time be right?
Did you know most men who use that as an excuse, will never leave his wife?
Why would he leave his wife if he hasn't already?
Don't you think he likes the rush of keeping two women?
How much you wanna bet every time he goes home he sleeps with his wife?
What makes you think you are any different from all the other women who get duped like this?
I'll come up with more, but let you answer these first.
@rczamora No!! It's not their fault! He's totally going to leave his wife one day. It's just busy at work right now.
I pity anyone that brags about being a kept woman. If laying on your back and giving up your dignity is how you stay kept, congrats.
Oh SNAP, this just made me laugh out loud at my desk. Thank you @CFox815 for making my day.
oh my. OP you should schedule a FREE consult with a local lawyer, they will be the only one that can tell you what your legal options are. I know where I live the father can't even be on the bc if he's not married to the mother UNLESS he is there and signs a legal document acknowledging that he is indeed the father. So it may not be up to you at all to put him on there. Also that state I live in says that if he's on the bc he has just as much right to the child as you do. So it's not considered kidnapping if he takes the child and runs. Not saying this is going to happen, that is just the legal info I was given when I spoke to a lawyer. GL.
He will get a divorce once the time is right. There are too many factors to consider doing it now. I'm in no rush so I don't see why you all are. I am quite the kept woman, new car, very nice home in an upscale neighborhood and he has set aside an expense account forme. All of these things are in MY name so I am not worried about his wife having any control over my finances. If we wait to put him on the birth certificate it will just be until after the divorce. In the meantime we will continue our relationship and lives as normal. We spend plenty time together, vacations, trips and such so I'm sure spending time with our child will be a non issue. So there will be no question of "where is Daddy?"
More so than these things being in your name, (which is also probably done by your boyfriend to cover his ass because his wife could trace his assets pretty easily through public or bank records) you should be concerned about whether or not you can afford these things w/o being a "kept woman". If your boyfriend is paying for your car, your home and your living expenses and decides one day that he wants to stay with his wife and she insists all that money stops, then it will be only a matter of time before you are evicted, the car is repossessed and you're back to paying for your own expenses. That means you and your new baby wouldn't have a place to live, means of transportation or money for food and bills. Deciding at that point that you better get a paternity test, take him to court, get him to start paying child support, etc. He sounds pretty rich, so he will probably have a lawyer who will at least know how to delay the proceedings for as long as possible. And if he has a lawyer, you probably want one too. All of that will probably be pretty expensive, especially when you are sleeping on your friend's couch, trying to find a job that doesn't require your own transportation and affording day care.
Or, you could put his name on the birth certificate at birth and if he ever does stop supporting you, you just walk yourself down to the courthouse and file some paperwork to request that he start paying child support.
So you're fucking a married man just because? Now that you are pregnant, you want to stupidly leave his name off the birth certificate? You know you're not only screwing yourself, but your unborn child too. Grow up. Put his name on the birth certificate and hopefully he grows a pair and comes clean to his wife. Shame on you for fucking a married man, and shame on him for being a cheating dirt bag. This whole post disgusts me.
OP, does your MARRIED boyfriend have children with his wife? If so, why the fuck are you selfish enough to think that just because you opened your legs and got knocked up, that he'd leave his family?
He doesn't want to be on the birth certificate because then, in his mind,he doesn't have to take care of your child. He doesn't want his wife to know about you or the baby because he has no intentions of leaving her,also why he doesn't want to be on the birth certificate. His name isn't on it, so its not his right?
And do you really think, that if he does ever leave her,that he'd be with you? And even if he was with you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you? Hell, he cheated on his wife! A woman he loved enough to promise to spend forever with, legally. And he won't even leave her, so I guess that doesn't make you very special does it? He cheated with you, he will cheat on you.
MMC 01/26/12
MC 12/25/12, D&C 01/05/13
BFP 03/05/13, EDD 11/12/13. HB 175 @ 9w2d. Its a Girl!
Madeline Lorraine H. Born 11/12/13 @9:10pm, 7lb6oz
DX with EA/TEF Type C & Tracheomalaysia MC @ 13wks 01/15/15
DX Septate Uterus - surgery recommended
BFP 3/18/16, EDD 11/13/16 It's a boy! Clint Kiszonas H. Born 11/21/16 @10:38pm, 9lb11oz
There is no family! He doesn't have children with his wife, she never could give him any which is part of the reason his lost interest in her. His family will be with me. I'm making him happy and fulfiliing all of his needs, he will not leave or cheat on me.
OP, all the PP have given you good advice. Seek an attorney, like YESTERDAY! If you and your LO are your first priority, then do yourself service and get the protection you are entitled to BEFORE you need it. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of the impact this could have your LO, the innocent person here.
There is no family! He doesn't have children with his wife, she never could give him any which is part of the reason his lost interest in her. His family will be with me. I'm making him happy and fulfiliing all of his needs, he will not leave or cheat on me.
Hahaha wow. He sounds like a gem. Have fun with that sweetheart. Come back in 8 months and tell us how you're doing. You're disgusting.
Birth Certificates exist for a reason. Definitely talk to an attorney... one that will look out for your and your child's interest. I would hate for my child to go through hardships later in life, proving paternity, trying to complete his birth certificate or come up with the missing information... all because the father's current wife may or may not do a birth certificate search and find out the truth.
If it's been a long time as it is, it probably won't sort itself out in time to make a BC correction before it is filed with the county. To add him to the BC later, you most likely are going to need a court order.
Also, I agree with PP. Your situation is not even close to one I or anyone I know would hope or be even be content with. I'm glad you're happy, but your post has big yellow and red caution lights flashing all over it. I would think most people would find themselves unhappy in this situation. That is why most people are commenting on your relationship... not because they are jealous or unhappy in their own.
There is no family! He doesn't have children with his wife, she never could give him any which is part of the reason his lost interest in her. His family will be with me. I'm making him happy and fulfiliing all of his needs, he will not leave or cheat on me.
Well by all means let's hope you can keep popping them out so he doesn't lose interest in you too. If anything the bolded statement above shows what a true dickbag he really is. Shame on both of you!
I don't need to defend my relationship to any of you. Also his wife is not my priority, my child and myself come first and foremost.
You will to your child some day when he leaves you for his wife and never sees either of you because you haven't put him on the birth certificate. The "where's daddy?" Will happen then.
Re: Birth certificate question
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Eta: even if he don't pays child support he has rights but unless it's a mutual agreement between both parents made outside the courts in which the court will honor and just make official you have to file for a hearing before the judge an which he or she will make the final say so based on current circumstances.....
The other person said he gets partial custody because he's married and paying child support and thats incorrect...neither parent has custody of the child until they go file for it...but yes if the child is in the fathers custody and he his primarily the main provider and she for whatever reason is unable to care for the child then she can do visitation visits....and I did clearly state he does has rights whether he pays child support or not until she goes and file paper work that says otherwise
Different states have different laws for this kind of thing so its probably best to just consult an attorney because no one here is going to know all of the specifics
For example, in SC unless you are married, the woman has custody unless the man takes her to court whether paternity was established on a birth certificate or not and birth certificates are NOT a matter of public record and easily searchable by any person (must be the parent or the child with ID to do so)...
Sounds like you need to do some research
BFP #1: January 2012, MMC/BO February 2012; BFP #2: June 2012, MMC July 2012; BFP #3: February 2013
We're one and done!
Is it bad that I hope this is MUD for the sake of the LO?
You know who else has nice cars and houses and expense accounts? Prostitutes. Best of luck to you. I'll just keep my husband because we actually have a relationship most hope for - love, respect and HONESTY!
In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be
corbinsmommy.blogspot.com
When will the time be right?
Did you know most men who use that as an excuse, will never leave his wife?
Why would he leave his wife if he hasn't already?
Don't you think he likes the rush of keeping two women?
How much you wanna bet every time he goes home he sleeps with his wife?
What makes you think you are any different from all the other women who get duped like this?
I'll come up with more, but let you answer these first.
More so than these things being in your name, (which is also probably done by your boyfriend to cover his ass because his wife could trace his assets pretty easily through public or bank records) you should be concerned about whether or not you can afford these things w/o being a "kept woman". If your boyfriend is paying for your car, your home and your living expenses and decides one day that he wants to stay with his wife and she insists all that money stops, then it will be only a matter of time before you are evicted, the car is repossessed and you're back to paying for your own expenses. That means you and your new baby wouldn't have a place to live, means of transportation or money for food and bills. Deciding at that point that you better get a paternity test, take him to court, get him to start paying child support, etc. He sounds pretty rich, so he will probably have a lawyer who will at least know how to delay the proceedings for as long as possible. And if he has a lawyer, you probably want one too. All of that will probably be pretty expensive, especially when you are sleeping on your friend's couch, trying to find a job that doesn't require your own transportation and affording day care.
Or, you could put his name on the birth certificate at birth and if he ever does stop supporting you, you just walk yourself down to the courthouse and file some paperwork to request that he start paying child support.
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He doesn't want to be on the birth certificate because then, in his mind,he doesn't have to take care of your child. He doesn't want his wife to know about you or the baby because he has no intentions of leaving her,also why he doesn't want to be on the birth certificate. His name isn't on it, so its not his right?
And do you really think, that if he does ever leave her,that he'd be with you? And even if he was with you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you? Hell, he cheated on his wife! A woman he loved enough to promise to spend forever with, legally. And he won't even leave her, so I guess that doesn't make you very special does it? He cheated with you, he will cheat on you.
MMC 01/26/12
MC 12/25/12, D&C 01/05/13
BFP 03/05/13, EDD 11/12/13. HB 175 @ 9w2d. Its a Girl!
DX with EA/TEF Type C & Tracheomalaysia
MC @ 13wks 01/15/15
BFP 1/11/18, EDD 9/21/18
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