B*tchfest

IBackBevo

Roar!  I am in a bad mood.  I don't know what is wrong with me. Everyone is annoying me. Especially certain people in my life who keep constantly dumping all of their "problems" on me when I feel like I have my plate full...and I have even more of a hard time because I feel like some of their problems are self-created.  I just don't have the time to deal or energy to deal with them.  I have this one person in my life who I have bent over backwards to help her out and instead of being grateful, she turns it around on me and acts like I am not doing anything.  I'm just so sick of it.

I am starting to have anxiety already about having pre-e and IUGR. I am spending a lot of my day researching and reading up on causes, underlying disorders, etc.  Only, it is making me scared and angry. I am reading about people who have lost their children to pre-e. I am also realizing how absolutely horrible the care I got was the first time.  And I felt like I was cheated out of an enjoyable pregnancy last time and I am worried it will happen again. Even worse, I am starting to get annoyed at my DH.  I feel like he does not take my concerns seriously.  I tell him that I want to be tested for clotting disorders and immune disorders and he just blows me off like I am some sort of hypochondriac.  Only I'm not. Every.single.time I have been concerned about something related to my healthy or was concerned about something related to my pregnancy last time, it turned out I was right.  I complained for probably a month about my horrible headaches and spots in my vision. He told me, "It is normal. You get headaches during pregnancy."  Only not ones that wake you up in the middle of the night or are so bad they make you nauseated or keep you from being able to function!  I complained about swelling. He told me it was normal.  Not when you feet are so swollen that you can't even walk!!!  Guess what? I had severe pre-e.  LO was growth retarded by the time they diagnosed it.  Same thing on the day I delivered. I kept saying, "I don't feel any movement. Something isn't right."  He blew me off. I went to the hospital and LO was having heart rate decels that weren't coming back up.  100% of the time, when I have said something wasn't right, I have been right.

Ever since I had the pre-e, I have been concerned about what caused it. I don't think this just came out of nowhere. I have often thought it was thrombophilia. I have every freaking "sign" of it.  Even the bruising. I found out on Tuesday when I went to get a massage that they have marked in my chart that I always have bruises all over my legs...I have now had two separate massage therapists talk to me about it. The first thought I was a domestic violence victim. The second told me on Tuesday that I need to see someone because I could have some sort of medical condition.  Yet, anytime I have brought this up with my DH, he blows me off like I am exaggerating.   I finally got mad at him last night and still he was just like: "Go see a hematologist then."  I am so freaking annoyed and tired of being blown off.  Odds are that I don't have thrombophilia...but I have enough symptoms that it is worth a test and not you rolling your eyes at me!  You would think he would be a little more concerned about the health of the mother of his child and his unborn baby.

Edit: To clarify, one of the reasons I take DH's comments to heart and believe him when he tells me I'm overreacting is because he is a medical doctor.  When an MD who is around you all the time tells you that your symptoms don't mean anything, you tend to listen.

 

TJ1979

I have found that sometimes doctors are the worst about not recognizing their own symptoms, and I think that could carry over to their spouse as well.  I also think that men are more likely to blow things off when they are health related.  If you feel this strongly about it, go see someone.  FWIW, MH thought I was being a big fat baby about my wrist, and I ended up needing a metal plate and 8 inch long screws.  So who's the baby now?
You know as well as anyone else that you just really have to advocate for your own health.  Weren't you talking about switching OBs anyhow?  Do it.  I can recommend mine, she was amazing, but I thought you were hoping to stay closer to your area rather than the med center.

IBackBevo

Yeah, I am switching OB's.  The new place is making me come in for a well-woman visit (I had one scheduled with the old OB about 3 months ago and they canceled) first before my first OB visit...so I can bring it up then.  However, I don't think they will probably know much.  They will probably refer me to an MFM.  I actually started researching trying to find an MFM (maternal fetal medicine) doctor out here and found out there is only 1 MFM who has privileges at the hospital I want to deliver at this time...and it is my old MFM!!!  And this is all the more surprising because the hospital is out here off of 249 in the Tomball/Willowbrook area and she is in the med center.

Really, I'm just complaining.I just need to b88tch and let it out.    

mcgeeva

Aye there is no cause ryme or reason it just happens. I have now met with two different people at my doctors office. One gave me horrible stats for this time around getting it again, and the other doctor told me I was fine and had like 13% chance of it coming back. I am not sure how they can feel so vastly different about the same issue.

As far as DH goes..that's a toughie. Sometimes it would be better if he wasn't in that line of business so you could get some more compassion. Definitely tell him how you feel.

As far as the blood suckers in life go...take a break from them all. I have a "woeeeeeeeeee is me" friend. Is that how you say it? It's always about her no matter what. It's all i hear and their problems are always 1000 times worse. At some point you stop picking up the phone to just give yourself a break. If they can't be concerned about you then they are not good friends. Now and then it wouldn't kill them to have a listening ear. Hang in there! Stop reading too much on pre-e. I saw that site on the bump the other day about pre-e and keeping track of people's situations to inform others and help with research. Afterwards I realized the less sometimes I know the better. You will worry yourself crazy. I'm just telling myself to look for the signs I had last time. Spotting in my vision happened for a while and high bp. I didn't know about it either till my bp was 188 and I had protein in my urine and I was sent for emergency C. So you never know. I just turned in my pee the other day - turned ou hit had to be refridgerated. The front desk told me no! So they are going to try and submit and let me know. When will you start doing that this time around the 24 hour collections?

IBackBevo

@mcgeeva - I still have not had my first OB appointment yet so I am guessing they will tell me then. I suspect they will refer me to an MFM. 

Based on what I have read, the likelihood of getting it again depends a lot on how severe and how early the onset was. Since my pre-e was in the severe category before and I think I probably got it pretty early (symptoms started showing up in late 2nd tri), I am at a pretty high risk. 

I have read that they think the mechanism that causes pre-e happens pretty early on when the placenta is formed.  Right now, I am taking vitamin D, baby aspirin and extra calcium to try to prevent it. 

I have been told a lot that "it just happens" by the medical community, but I also find that a lot of people who have it end up having underlying clotting issues, immune disorders or elevated NK cells that they didn't know about. In the instance of any of those three situations, early intervention (i.e. while the placenta is forming) can prevent or lessen the severity.

mcgeeva

Mine was severe too but still got two different opinions. I also had a placenta abruption I don't think there is anyway to prevent taht either. Aye well I hope they are wrong and it doesn't happen second time around. I think now that I saw a second doctor I am wondering if it won't happen at all. Never know!

mcgeeva

IBackBevo  is your husband an OBGYN?

IBackBevo

mcgeeva said:

IBackBevo  is your husband an OBGYN?

No. Therefore, I suppose, I should not hold him to the level of being an ob/gyn.    

Really, though, it has nothing to do with his medical expertise. He just has some sort of avoidance mechanism with going to the doctor.  Which is really ironic. I think it is like TJ said.  He once had a tumor in his neck and he let it go until it was the size of lemon before he went to an ENT.  He had to have surgery to remove it and now has a scar extending from his voicebox to almost behind his ear.  And he currently has high BP but will not go to a doctor about getting on meds!  Even worse, his sister is a family practice NP and he won't even call her up and get some meds.  All it would take is a freaking phone call! Sigh. Men.

 

kmc84

Oh boy! YH sounds like a tough cookie to get along with sometimes! I totally get the MD aspect! It makes your average man so much more difficult!
Don't ignore your symptoms. Some people are much more in touch with their bodies and it sounds like you're one of them. If you think something is wrong, get it checked out for sure! Try to stay away from google and from overwhelming yourself. I hope things settle down with your OB situation and that you can enjoy bring pregnant!

mcgeeva

HE just sounds like a typical man! They don't go to the doctor for anything..although if it's a cold we will act like we went through child birth right haha

Ruthie04

I'm so sorry about the stress. If only we were psychic! Both of my boys also had IUGR and the more I read, the more I see that it may have been because I have an autoimmune disorder that has been classified as "severe." My placentas were Grade III at the end of second tri and looked like total crap when they came out. No one ever told me my disease could do that. I don't even know if my OB knows it. And, there's no way to know if that was it anyway. The unknown is so frustrating.

I also hear you on the drama! I actually have an active license to practice therapy, but I have no desire to do so. Being so involved in others' drama got really exhausting when I was going through my own stuff. And, strangers are constantly telling their problems. We all get a little compassion fatigue sometimes. It's hard.

imoverit

Why dont you just blow him off and get everything checked out that you are concerned about. You got to go with your gut. If its something then you get it taken care of and if its not something you have peace of mind.

RoseHQ12

I am sorry you are feeling like this trust YOUR gut, it has directed you well so far. I also had pre-e which stuck around for quite a while post partum & also PTL. I think the best thing you can do is find an OB you feel comfortable with & monitor closely. You know what signs & symptoms to be aware of. I know it's next to impossible not to worry but try to enjoy that you are pregnant & without issues today & God willing it will be different this time around.

IBackBevo

Thanks everyone! I think dh got the message because he was much more supportive last night.