Ugh, facebook dicussion has me twitching

pitterpatter129

Had to post with understanding people.  Someone in a group I'm part of on facebook said their 4 year old is biting the sister because she's always in his space.  I suggested things like let him shut a door so he can play alone sometimes or put up a babygate or replace his behavior with a more desirable one.  She told me she wasn't following any of those because that would be "coddling" him and he just needs to get over it.  People are telling her to wash his mouth out with soap and bite him back and everyone is "liking" these ideas and seconding them.  Half the responses think the soap is a fabulous idea and half are all about biting your kids.  I'm in shock and twitching a bit.  So far this is the only discussion on the board that seems so off.  I mean, WTH is wrong with people?!  I can't believe so many people think these ideas are even a little bit okay.

 

 

NoeK

Does she realize he has only been on this earth 4 friggin years. He is practically a baby! Wash his mouth with soap ??? Bite him back?? Seriously??? Just wow.

bullybutt

Since when it is okay to reinforce bad behavior with bad behavior???  This hits home for me because SO has smacked DS when DS hit him.  I about came unglued.  He doesn't see it as bad "discipline" and the only way for DS to learn. BS!!!  All he knows is...dad does it, so why can't I?  It's a form of expression for their feelings...they just need the guidance to find another way to express themselves without hurting themself or someone else.  I don't think I'd be able to hold my tongue on that group of morons in your FB group.

kcisthebombdotcom

Horrible. I see stuff like this all the time too. Facebook has made me stabby today too. A friend of mine (who's a teacher!) posted a picture with the headline "in my day there were no behavioral problems it was just kids being spoiled". I was so enraged I couldn't even come up with a response.

ReeceFamily

I quit my FB account several months ago and haven't regretted it for a second.

Emerald27

I find it sad yet amusing that people think it makes sense to try to teach a child not to bite by biting...or not to hit by hitting. Let's model the behavior we expect from our children, shall we?

pitterpatter129

So, I posted the same thing on my Feb (the Bump group) fb page and got a totally different response.  Apparently, it's a "parenting tool". 

@-)

st.augbride

...yikes...

Meganequine

I liked your suggestions and probably would have suggested the same thing you did.

 

(And on a side note related to the prior post about a FB post from a teacher about kids being spoiled. . . that's accurate sometimes.  The kids who always gets to watch TV on demand, breaks a toy and immediately gets a new one, and always gets their way when they throw a tantrum is spoiled and often have issues when they arrive and school and the world no longer revolves around only them.  You can't spoil a baby/toddler- but you certainly can an older child.)

pixieprincss

DS1 is (yet again) in a very challenging biting phase and many, many people have told me the same thing. It isn't something I see myself ever doing, however when I break up a biting scuffle, I just found that the fastest and gentlest thing do to is to move one of DS1's own hands as much into his mouth as I can. Not only does pushing IN cause the mouth to open more to release, he also can feel the power/pain of what he's doing and he releases more quickly than me pulling him away or me putting my own hand in front of his mouth.

All that said, it is very, very tempting to follow those stories and see if my biting him just ends it all. It is miserable for DS to have those big feelings that he cannot process appropriately and it is miserable to be on edge every time we go anywhere with other kids.  Confession time: a small part of me wouldn't be devastated if heavily teething DS2 bit him back one time, though. I wouldn't allow that on purpose, but I wouldn't mind if it helped something. It is so hard to be checking off all of the parenting boxes on this, but really the issue is just a child's brain needing to develop beyond its current point.

pixieprincss

Nicb13 said:

pixieprincss said:

DS1 is (yet again) in a very challenging biting phase and many, many people have told me the same thing. It isn't something I see myself ever doing, however when I break up a biting scuffle, I just found that the fastest and gentlest thing do to is to move one of DS1's own hands as much into his mouth as I can. Not only does pushing IN cause the mouth to open more to release, he also can feel the power/pain of what he's doing and he releases more quickly than me pulling him away or me putting my own hand in front of his mouth.

All that said, it is very, very tempting to follow those stories and see if my biting him just ends it all. It is miserable for DS to have those big feelings that he cannot process appropriately and it is miserable to be on edge every time we go anywhere with other kids.  Confession time: a small part of me wouldn't be devastated if heavily teething DS2 bit him back one time, though. I wouldn't allow that on purpose, but I wouldn't mind if it helped something. It is so hard to be checking off all of the parenting boxes on this, but really the issue is just a child's brain needing to develop beyond its current point.

This makes me think of when we were training our puppy not to bite and we would stick a finger far enough in her mouth so she would gag! lol She hated it and stopped biting pretty quick.

Wouldn't recommend that for a kid but your post reminded me of this

And you know, my kid doesn't bite so I'm all talk when it comes to what I would do but we all feel that we know what would be best so if something works for your family then go for it!

Nicb13 said:

pixieprincss said:

DS1 is (yet again) in a very challenging biting phase and many, many people have told me the same thing. It isn't something I see myself ever doing, however when I break up a biting scuffle, I just found that the fastest and gentlest thing do to is to move one of DS1's own hands as much into his mouth as I can. Not only does pushing IN cause the mouth to open more to release, he also can feel the power/pain of what he's doing and he releases more quickly than me pulling him away or me putting my own hand in front of his mouth.

All that said, it is very, very tempting to follow those stories and see if my biting him just ends it all. It is miserable for DS to have those big feelings that he cannot process appropriately and it is miserable to be on edge every time we go anywhere with other kids.  Confession time: a small part of me wouldn't be devastated if heavily teething DS2 bit him back one time, though. I wouldn't allow that on purpose, but I wouldn't mind if it helped something. It is so hard to be checking off all of the parenting boxes on this, but really the issue is just a child's brain needing to develop beyond its current point.

This makes me think of when we were training our puppy not to bite and we would stick a finger far enough in her mouth so she would gag! lol She hated it and stopped biting pretty quick.

Wouldn't recommend that for a kid but your post reminded me of this

And you know, my kid doesn't bite so I'm all talk when it comes to what I would do but we all feel that we know what would be best so if something works for your family then go for it!

It's funny you mention animals. I got the idea from an article on what to do if an animal bites you. If you pull away, the skin can tear. If you push in and the jaw opens wider, it will just leave the puncture marks. My baby is a love/boredom biter on my shoulder, so I tried it with him. Pushing my should in to his mouth was such a gentle way to physically stop it that I decided to apply the same idea to the toddler's angry biting. Happily, there is no gagging, which would freak me out.

greenhope

I see "parenting" behavior like this from inlaws. A couple of years ago when their DS was 2 my SIL announced at a get-together that she had to wash DS's mouth out with soap. SHOCK! I asked her why and her response was that he said "EFF (but the real word) YOU!" to her and slammed a door in her face. Uh, where did he learn that? She said her BF had a "problem with that". Great! Won't have to remind me to ever leave my kid alone with you. The whole in-laws started talking about how if soap doesn't work to use hot sauce instead. DH and I have talked about this instance many many times. We could never do something like that to our kid(s). 

I don't have a biter but you can bet I would be researching my face off to find a suitable way to deal with it rather than biting back!

MJM3108

chattychiqa said:

I was 6 when my jerk of an older sister slammed my head repeatedly into our parents' mattress. Naturally, I responded by calling her a MF'er between slams. She snitched me out, but of course our mom didn't want to hear my reasons behind it. Being Mexican, we didn't mess around with soap. I got a jalapeño with the tip chopped off and shoved in my mouth for a full minute to "burn" out the bad words. I am convinced at 34 that's why I absolutely HATE any spicy food, to the point I'm laughed at for being such a wimp. This stuff traumatizes kids for sure. I wish people didn't endorse it. FB is a breeding ground for perpetuating shit like that.

When I was younger, if I talked back or said a bad word, I got Tabasco on my tongue! I would have to sit there and "feel the burn" for a minute or so, and then my mom would bring me milk and a piece of bread. To this day I HATE Tabasco sauce, so I think your reasoning is completely valid @chattychiqua! Since my pregnancy with DS, I have begun eating other spicy foods- he made me crave it, lol, and still do, but I still can't do the Tabasco. 

I just don't understand how mimicking the behavior you want to stop is going to get that message across. I am currently having this discussion with my H as we talk about parenting choices/ style. I am firmly in the AP camp, but H was raised in a horrible home, and doesn't get it... 

MJM3108

chattychiqa said:

OMG... Your mom was nice enough to give you milk though. My mom gave me NOTHING. I guess my older sister felt guilty and let me have a few swigs of (gasp lol) ice water when our mom left the room. It was agony.

It was agony! As I got older, the Tabasco rule was one drop for every year of age, and then I also had to sit (quietly- no crying!) for one minute for every year of age. 

PipSqueak0313

mrsjessicamitchell said:

chattychiqa said:

OMG... Your mom was nice enough to give you milk though. My mom gave me NOTHING. I guess my older sister felt guilty and let me have a few swigs of (gasp lol) ice water when our mom left the room. It was agony.

It was agony! As I got older, the Tabasco rule was one drop for every year of age, and then I also had to sit (quietly- no crying!) for one minute for every year of age. 

My xh did that kind of thing with my older two kids.  Dd to this day gets sick when eating spicier foods.  Ds1, on the other hand, from witnessing xh punishing dd, took it as a challenge to be able to eat foods spicier than xh so that xh could not use it as punishment.  Now that we've been away from xh for 5+ years, ds1 no longer wants his food to be super spicy.

I remember talking with my x-MIL and her talking about how xh used to ask for another spoonful of tabasco sauce in a very mocking tone when she did the same thing with him.  Thinking about it.....it's no wonder that xh learned to love inflicting pain on his family.

 

Ardmhs83

This is crazy! Who would want to bite their own child?!  Or put chemicals in their mouth?!  People make me mad!