Can we talk about dating?

preggersin2011

I feel like I am at such an impasse with the relationship I am in at the moment. I have been dating someone for about 5 months now and things are great. He gets along really well with LO (almost 2) and I don't have any major complaints, except one... He is terrible at keeping in contact when he is at his house, like over the weekend or in between when we see each other. He does text but not great at calling/skyping etc. He works various shifts and hours and sometimes sleeps a day just to recover. He has some job/house transitions going on so his emotional plate in filled. It doesn't really bother me but now that LO is older she constantly asks where he is. She wakes up looking for him and comes home from day care and starts looking for him. Lately I feel like all i do i say "he is at his house". I've talked to him about trying to be better at calling LO when he isn't around & he says he'll do better but it hasn't happened. Some times LO sees him several days in a row and other times once every 1-2 weeks. I dont know what's realistic to expect from him, but I feel like if my mom and sister talk to LO at least every other day than he can call her too?

mamaHippo23

Yup, I agree you are expecting too much. It's great that your LO likes him, but he does have his own life away from you two. You said he has a lot of other things to worry about, so try to be understanding and supportive, and give him some space. From what you described, his behavior sounds pretty reasonable, especially if he has crazy work hours so he's probably doing the best he can. In time, when the relationship gets more serious, he'll feel more compelled to have daily contact with you. But until then, be patient and don't pressure him.  

I think saying "He's at his house" is a good explanation to tell your LO and I probably wouldn't even say more about it.

jersangl

Yea wow that is a big expectation. I have been dating boyfriend same amount of time and never would even ask him to do that. Kinda weird.

bakingkitty

I have been dating someone for about 4 1/2 months but he just met my daughter. it was in a public place with other people around and there was no pressure. She absolutely loved him! but there is no expectation on him to keep up a relationship with her.

I feel like there is way too much put on this poor guy to think that he needs to talk to your daughter just so she feels better. Maybe (this is just thinking out loud), you could spend some time with him without your daughter and give them some space. I do not talk about my daughter unless there is something going on or if he asks. It is more so that we can build our relationship first and see where it can go. Maybe he feels "burnt out" or under pressure to be your child's father figure.

EarthandFire

bakingkitty said:

Maybe he feels "burnt out" or under pressure to be your child's father figure.

This is exactly why a guy I used to know refused to date single moms. He'd been with too many (in his early-mid 20's) who expected him to be there child's father 4 months into the relationship. He wasn't sure they'd still be together in 6 months yet. Pressure to spend time with LO only pushed him away.

pregokat

Dating with a kid is difficult. You got not only yourself to look out for but the children as well, and children are very impressionable. 

I say don't actively date. Just go on your normal life, and the right guy will eventually come to you, a guy who is ready to take on another mans child, and willing to do so.. 

It seems as though he wants a break from the family life, and also It does seem as though its too soon for you to be asking that much of him. Also way to soon for the baby to be involved. 

My mom always had new boyfriends/stepdads... I never had a good role model when it came to dating... I pray that I'm a better role model to my kids, and I swear not to allow men in and out of our lives... just some stuff to think of, it does impact them even when they are little ones