Anyone more nervous about second birth than first?

vahlegirl

I had an unmedicated birth with my first son, and I'm now 39 weeks pregnant with my second son.  I feel like the first time around, I had an attitude of "I can do this," but this time, knowing a little more of what to expect, I am more nervous.  I kept focusing on getting to 10 cm last time, and didn't know how hard the pushing would be.  Also, I've had several friends who had very easy deliveries recently with their 2nd babies (with epidurals) so that is making me second guess myself, too. 

I also feel like my friends who get epidurals are able to enjoy the birth more because they aren't so focused on the pain.  I feel like most of my son's birth was a blur because I was in "the zone."  Anyone else go through this?  How did you stay focused and motivated?

sschwege

I was and I wasn't.  I less nervous because I did it last time so I knew I could do it again.  But at the same time, I was more nervous because I was afraid things wouldn't go as well as they did last time.  With my first I prepared like crazy, but went into it thinking if I decide I want an epi I'm getting it.  I even told DH before I went into labor, "Don't try to talk me out of it!"  But with my second I had the extra pressure of having already had a med-free birth, so I felt like if I didn't go med-free people would wonder why, or that I owed that to our second because I did it for our first.  It's silly I know, but that's how I felt, like I had to keep it even.  

Anyway, I had a few people ask if I was planning to go med-free again and I always just sort of gave a non-committal, "That's what I'm preparing for, but we'll see how it goes."  Maybe you just have to approach it like that, because let's be honest just as a med-free birth is guaranteed to no one, an epi is guaranteed to no one either.  Just approach it with the attitude of, "We'll see what the day brings." Maybe that will take away some of your nervousness, just thinking to yourself, "I will know what is right for me and my baby on that day."

From a more practical side, usually though not always second labors are shorter and pushing is easier.  This was definitely true for me.  DD was 17.5 hours and it took me an hour of pushing.  DS was 5hr10min (only about 2-2 1/2 hours of 'real' contractions they felt like Braxton Hicks before that) and I pushed twice.  Plus DS was almost a pound bigger than DD and his head was in the 75th percentile, DD's was only in the 25th! The odds are in your favor you will have it easier this time

vahlegirl

Thank you so much for your encouraging words!  You definitely summed up a lot of my feelings.

botanicalbliss

Yes!  I had a really difficult natural birth with my son, and now I am terrified of getting pregnant and laboring again.  I want to go natural with my second, when the time comes, but I am so scared that it will be even worse :-/

I don't know how to move past these feelings.

barista411

I have moments where I am extremely nervous this time around. I had some unusual issues with the birth of my first. Everything turned out ok but It was a long painful recovery for me. I feel like the naive aspect of labor is gone going into this one. With the first I was completely optimistic that it was going to go perfect and I was going to recover really fast and that was definitely not the case. I still plan to go natural. I loved the actual experience of a natural birth. I have been practicing affirmations and they have really helped me to change how I think and feel about going through the process again. I feel much more relaxed and comfortable with the whole process. I have also talked exstensively to my MW about my fears and she is wonderful at calming me back down and building my confidence up again.

LindseyH033

I am feeling the EXACT same way OP! I had a natural, med-free L&D with DD1 and for some reason am petrified of doing it again. I am 36 weeks pregnant with DD2 and am consumed with nervousness. I think with DD1 having nothing to compare L&D to made it easier. I had no idea what to expect with contractions or pushing so I was able to get through it pretty well. Plus DD1 was born 5 hours after my water broke, extremely fast for a FTM. I can completely relate to the pressure of going natural again, especially since I've already done it once and it's the best thing for the baby. I also have a lot of friends who got the epi and really enjoyed the L&D process because they weren't focused on the pain. On the other hand, I also have friends who had nightmare experiences with epis and would never get them again..needless to say this mixed bag of experiences hasn't helped my thoughts on the process!

I guess, for me, I'm just going to see how things go and do my best to stick to my natural birth plan. I felt amazing after delivering DD1 and hope to have a similar experience this time. I keep reminding myself that I can do it and have read a lot of supportive and empowering books on natural childbirth, which have been very helpful.

Good luck with everything, I hope you have a wonderful delivery and congratulations on baby #2!!

Arielle27

I had a whirlwind (6 hour) birth with my first. I do remember feeling like it was amazingly difficult, but I think I worked hard to remember only the good points of it mostly, because I was so up for it again 16 months later with my daugher! I wasn't nervous at all, I was literally looking forward to it!

Unfortunately, I didn't do the same preparation work for my second birth and though it was even quicker (only about 4 hours from very strong contractions every 1-2 minutes), it felt harder than my first birth. I wasn't focused, I didn't rely on the visualization, breathing or other relaxation techniques I had used in my first (thanks to hypnobirthing).

I also blame this on the fact that I was not able to labor at home (as I had done with my first), and laboring the whole time at the hospital was not ideal for me.

So this time around I am more nervous than I was the second time because I didn't have the same great after feeling. So I'm doing more of the prep this time, I will be able to labor at home for as log as I want, and Im also just really holding on to the hope that the birth will be even faster!!

Tigger & pooh

With my first son I labored at home for few hours and then went to the hospital received and epidural and then sat around. Finally I pushed for 3 hrs before the rascal was born.  The whole thing was very anticlimactic and weird.  The second one was very quick.  My first contraction was around 5:30pm and he was in my arms by 8:30.  The whole labor and pushing was unmedicated and yes as you remember it is painful but each labor is so different and pushing was great this time.  I don't know how long but I knew what I was doing and felt more calm knowing I was in control.  I think going into anything that is painful is always scary but as the previous poster said generally the second birth with be easier and honestly if it isn't and you find yourself not coping  well with labor you know what your options are and can change your birth plan to fit you and your birth at that time.  And also don't forget how great it will feel as soon as your labor is over.  You will be able to get up and around with no trouble!!  Best of luck!

insertclevername

My first labor was very quick.  It was only 3 hours start to finish.  My DH has anxiety and I know as soon as he realizes I am having contractions he is going to beg me to go to the hospital.  I am worried that this labor will be longer and hope that I can endure a longer labor without needing medication or interventions. 

lizziealyssa

Yes, very scared to labor with #2.  We had to be induced with our first because my blood pressure was getting high so this time around if we go into labor naturally I don't really know quite what to expect.  But I've heard it's harder to go natural if labor is induced and I made it through so that does help some...  Hang in there.

pixieprincss

I had a traumatic birth with DS1, so I went into birth 2 with apprehension, even with supportive CPMs and a considerable amount of processing about my first birth. Because labor was a much more sane length, there were hard moments but it was doable. It was really, really amazing and  that natural high was unbeatable. It was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing! (Well, once per baby.) If it helps, feel free to check out DS2's birth story. I came away with incredible clarity, energy, and fast healing.

Mkherren12

I am more nervous but only because I tore bad with my first.

BrideNamedMeg

I was more nervous about my second.  I'm not sure if it was because we had a home birth for #2 while #1 was at the hospital, or if it was just because I had an idea of what I had gotten myself into  

My DD's birth was relatively "easy" and an overall straightforward birth, if I'd had another like that it would have been great!  Unfortunately, DS was OP (and over 9lbs, but I think it was the presentation that made the difference) so my labor was harder and pushing sucked!  I didn't like pushing for DD, but it only lasted 30 minutes and I was done, DS took over 2 hours.  

Now this time around, even though I had a difficult birth last time, I'm not nearly as nervous.  I know that even if it's hard, I'll be able to get through and that just gives me so much confidence!  I'm also really hoping for a non-OP baby which will probably make this birth seem like a walk in the park

I also worried more in general when I was pregnant with #2, first that I would miscarry, then about preterm labor which I wasn't at risk for and never even though about with #1.  Maybe it's a STM thing to worry more.  

BrideNamedMeg

vahlegirl said:

I also feel like my friends who get epidurals are able to enjoy the birth more because they aren't so focused on the pain.  I feel like most of my son's birth was a blur because I was in "the zone."  Anyone else go through this?  How did you stay focused and motivated?

I don't know about this part...I guess if you're out of your mind with pain that's one thing but if you're just focused on relaxing through the contractions, feeling your breath, letting your body do it's thing then you're SO connected to the birth and the experience.  I feel like everyone I know that has an epidural gets it placed, watches TV or sleeps until it's time to push - while I'm sure it's very comfortable, that's now how I ever wanted to remember my births!