If your parents/in-laws live further away...

gibbonlove

I don't post often, but I need some help with this one. 

My first question is, if your little one's grandparents live far away (3+ hours), how often do you:

1. Call

2. Skype

3. Visit

4. Have them visit

I'm going through a situation with my parents and grandparents where they do not understand the demanding nature of the working parent's job. We spent thousands of dollars last year visiting all sides of the family/friends, and then having both sets of LO's grandparents and his great-grandparents out around the holidays. When it came to this year, we were very clear that we were going to be taking our own vacations, and that we needed a break from the stress of travelling/hosting guests. We needed time for ourselves, as a family of three, since we have very little time together during the week and weekend. 

Any thoughts on this, from your own experience or perspective, is much appreciated! Since I'm a working mom, I won't be able to check back in until tonight, but TIA!

krispy83

Oh boy, this is tough.  We live in CA, as do my parents and brothers.  DH's family lives in Ohio.  We very rarely Skype with them, mostly because we don't think to, and they don't ask.  Anytime they ask, we try to make ourselves available.  They don't call much either.. I get occasional texts from MIL and I talk to SIL somewhat frequently, but that's about it.  DS is the first grandchild on both sides, but SIL is pregnant and due in December and DH jokingly says (but I think deep down that he really does feel this way) that once SIL's baby is born, his parents will forget about DS.

We spent a fortune to go to OH last summer (it is surprisingly expensive to fly there.. we could have gone to New York or even Europe for what we spent on flights there) and we said that we would not go back for a while.  Between the cost, the hassle of traveling with a baby, etc. we said there was no way.  Well, now we're looking at potentially trying to go in Feb to see the family and meet SIL's baby, but the cost is ridiculous.  When factoring in the cost of flights, plus hotel, car and other basic costs, it makes my head spin.  Not to mention the logistics of having a toddler on a 4 1/2 hour flight...

Prior to going to OH last summer, we had not been in a year and a half, and that was for SIL's wedding.  The ILs have been here twice since DS was born - once a couple of weeks after he was born and once for his first birthday party.  They are also coming out this weekend, but that is for a family wedding.  If there was not a wedding this weekend, I don't know the next time they would come out.  Maybe next summer?

Honestly, from the time DH moved out here before we got married (we met in grad school in NY and decided to live here), we have gotten crap anytime we travel pretty much anywhere that is not OH, which I find highly unfair.  We're adults, we work very hard for our money, we're allowed to use it to travel in whatever way we determine.  I would never dare give any of DH's family crap when they go on a vacation somewhere other than CA.  Luckily, DH deflects most of this and it doesn't really bother him, so I try not to let it bother me.

I don't know if this was at all helpful for your situation, but I'm happy to tell you how we've handled any situation (holidays, extended visits, etc.)

ibnagy99

My parents live in Texas and I live in Virginia.  We set up a weekly Skype for them to catch up on the weeks events and for them to see DD.  We spend about 4 times a year with them.  1 was when they came for the 1st birthday, 2nd was when we all went on vacation together (they paid), 3 will be at Thanksgiving when we fly there and 4th with be when they come here for Christmas.

My MIL comes over every thursday to help me when DH goes and plays ice hockey. My FIL has only seen DD a handful of times since she was born. This year he has only seen her 2 times so far.  They live only 30 min. away  So sad.

MrsJetSet

My mom lives about a mile away so we see her frequently. The rest of our family lives half the way across the country.

This is a bit of a contentious topic in our house because I have a demanding job (even moreso since I started my new one), and DH travels frequently for work. In most cases, if we were to visit family, DH would already be somewhere else so I have to travel to meet DH. Getting dd, her stuff, me and my stuff on a 4 hour flight falls on my shoulder. We have traveled home 2x and both times one of the flights dd was terrible. It is way too stressful. I just have no desire to do it. FIL hates to fly and MIL hates to leave him so they don't want to come here. Mil was here twice and FIL once.

They say they want to skype but they are on the go and hard to catch so we end up doing it probably once a month. I am too tired to try during the week so it is only on the weekend if I remember. They rarely initiate.

For holidays, I made it clear that for now, family is welcome here, but we won't travel for Xmas. I want to establish our own rituals and it is too damn hectic to even think about airports then. Easter and tgiving is in the air but I have avoided travel due to work conflicts and we won't travel for this tgiving.