DH just doesn't get it

kderham

Any advice on how to deal with a DH who just doesn't get it? We had to institute time out and DH was totally on board. We are using a pack n play for time out until DS gets the hang of what a time out is. DH is rarely home because of his hours. I use the time out routinely (not too often though) and therefore need the pack n play. DH is VERY annoyed that the pack n play is still out. He wants his house exactly the way he wants it. He was the same way with the baby gates - hated them and complained ALL THE TIME! I need the pack n play out. I think he just needs to adjust to the fact that sometimes your house is going to have things you don't love in it but that they are for the best of the family and DS. Any advice on how to convince him to come around? I am so sick of him complaining all the time. Please no "DH needs to grow up" comments. I need productive advice, please.

tbmadeamistake

Reiterate that this is temporary until DS understands what a time out is, and maybe talk to him about you'll use going forward once the PnP isn't needed anymore. 

 

mypeanut22

Can you move the pnp to another room and out of the way? We still use ours when I have to run to the mailbox and other occasions but it is in the dining room, which we hardly ever go in, so its out of the way.

Jen4033

Could we be married to the same person? LOL

DH is that type where he likes everything in order. He has finally started to come around though. Maybe only because I am PG though & he actually undestands I cannot be constantly picking up after DS right now.

I use a "time out" of sorts with DS here & there, but not often. Usually it only gets used when he has just gotten himself too worked up & needs to cry it out a little. (Over something small usually like wanting a cookie & mom said no & Little being a minute or 2 max) I'll set him in his crib & he will cry. I will leave for a minute & come back & he is then much more responsive to calming down.

If he really is as much like my DH, then he may be feeling a lack of control & it is bugging him out. For sure worth a talk to see what he thinks could work if not the PnP. Sometimes letting him feel like the plan feel like it was HIS idea helps.

mommymegan831

We had a 3 1/2 year old and 1 1/2 year old, it would be awkward to still have out the pnp for timeouts.  I pull a dinning room chair into the kitchen next to a timer when we need a timeout.  However, we have a playroom, which is attached to our living room so it's very visible, and DH can't understand why we need so many toys in there and gets very upset about that.  I don't try to explain why people with kids need toys, I just don't listen to him.

PaMommy02

Time outs are not developmentally appropriate at this age...try redirection instead.

kderham

I'm glad he isn't the only one who is like that. DS is only 15 months and I don't use time out as a punishment but more of a safe place. For example, DH works nights so I am always making dinner with no one else to hang out with and occupy DS. He likes to try and climb the oven - obviously not ok. So if he does it a few times even though I am trying to redirect while cook and keep everything safe, he goes in the pnp for no more than 1 minute to calm down. Usually after he is let out, he finds something else to do but he seems to need that block of time to be contained in another space.

DH, unfortunately, is not involved in the parenting decisions by choice (he has never been around kids and doesn't want to read parenting books to get ideas). So, although I gave him the opportunity to come up with something else instead of the pnp, he didn't. DS is starting to understand that he needs to stay put for a while when he is in the pnp so I'm hoping soon I can change it to a little rug he can sit on instead. Until then, I'm not sure what else I can do. I just wish DH could lighten up a bit and let our little man enjoy being a kid.