*Ticker Warning* I need advice about a friend's loss

mandelbread

I'm so sorry to intrude on your community here ladies, but if you're able to offer me any advice, I would really appreciate it.

My very best friend lost her baby at 20 weeks last year. We live across the country from each other, so I can not go see her in person. The 1-year date is approaching, and I would like to commemorate/acknowledge it both as her baby's day of birth and of the day of her loss. Does that make sense? We chat often, and I send her a special "thinking of you" note on the month-marks, but I wasn't sure what I could do for the 1-year.

Again, thank you and I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

Noethola

A simple card or FB message would probably be fine. If you are looking into something like a gift, perhaps you could get some memorial jewelry or a thoughtful poem framed. You could also perhaps get an edible arrangement delivered or something like that. Since you say you chat often, perhaps you could ask her what she has planned for that day and take your cues from her. 

bunnybun4

You are such a sweet friend! 

I agree with noethola that a card would be really nice...and mention the baby's name if she named him/her.  

I had friends send me flowers and that was nice though some loss moms don't seem to like flowers.  I also had a friend make a necklace for me that had a diamond(birthstone) on it for every month that I carried my daughter (i was honestly blown away with that).  You may also just want to do a gift card for a manicure or something...I think just letting her know that you are aware that she is still hurting and that you still think about her and her baby is all she really wants. 

amandager99

You are an awesome friend. I agree with the previous posters, a card would be great as well as a Facebook message if you are both on there and of course using the name. If you're looking to get something, I've found a shop on etsy called The Midnight Orange who makes some great pieces. She has these little cupcakes she can custom make with an animal of your choice and a candle. I'm hoping to get one for my sons angelversary.

Dixon813

How thoughtful - you are a wonderful friend.

Truly, I would find any gesture greatly appreciated on that special day.

shandorfml2

I echo PPs. The fact that you are acknowledging the date is enough. Many friends and even some family tend to "move on" and forget we are still grieving the loss of our child and not acknowledge important dates. A card, flowers, treats, memorial jewelry or artwork (midnight orange is a great recommendation, as is baby boards and tiny dream shop on facebook). What a wonderful friend.

mandelbread

****TICKER****

Thank you, ladies. I appreciate the suggestions. I hate being so far from her.

I sent her a charm with e.e. cummings (I carry your heart with me) a little while after she lost her baby, so maybe I'll do something different for this year-date.

Do I acknowledge it as a birthday? I mean, I'm not going to be all "Happy Birthday!" so how could I phrase that? Thank you again.

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***

mandelbread said:

Do I acknowledge it as a birthday? I mean, I'm not going to be all "Happy Birthday!" so how could I phrase that? Thank you again.

We called my son's birthday his angelversary, so maybe you could use that type of wording? I'm OK with the whole Happy Birthday thing for my angel, but I know not everyone is.

You're such a sweet and thoughtful friend!