Discipline at home v daycare

jcath

My girls are a real challenge these days. Full on temper tantrums, alot of saying No or running away from me.  They were coloring with crayons the other day and started to color on the walls and I said no, crayons are for paper only and one of them looked me straight in the eye while she scribbled all over the wall.

We are using time outs and I understand some of it is just their age but I feel like it's hard to be effective when most of their day is spent elsewhere.  According to their teachers they mind really well in school so I think some of it is they come home and fall apart and the last thing I want to do is spend our few precious hours in the evening putting them in time out.  On the other hand, I do think consistent kind discipline is very important and that if you want to enjoy your kids you have to enforce rules and behaviors.

MNgirl326

Here Is my take on the situation - from a mom who has gone through this and from someone who has worked in daycares before.

1. You are right.  They take in so much stimulation all day long that by the time they get home, they are exhausted and tired of holding anything in.   Think about your busiest day at work, you are constantly go, go, go and by the time you are home you are dead.  That is their reality, every day.

2. I am not a betting person, but I would bet money on the fact that they ARE having tantrums at daycare.  It's not that the teacher is lying to you, it's that is the normal for the  age and she has become so used to it, she probably doesn't even notice it.  Most likely unless it is an emergency, it's ignore and deal with after the tantrum has settled.  Because if you are a teacher in an older infant/ toddler room you - chances are you have tantrums going on all. damn. day.  So you learn to tune them out.  Which means when teachers says they had a great day- you can read that as " they had a normal day for their age filled with normal tantrums and normal amounts of redirection"

3. Redirection/disciple - honestly you can try time outs at this point, but they don't really get it cognitively yet.  The color crayon thing.  At daycare, chances are they never write on the walls at daycare is because they are usually coloring at an easel away from walls, or at a table once again away from walls.   they And if they do color on the walls, chances are get a  "uh oh, you don't get  then to play with crayons anymore, go find a different activity" and then a tantrum,  And then of course refer to point 2. 

Honestly the best thing you can do  is 1. Wait it out , it will get better, I promise.  2.  Be as consistent as you can.  Its hard since you have two of them, and so its hard to keep your guard up and stay consistent.  But I guarantee they are watching you, looking for loop holes, moments your guard is down.  Kids are smart, way smarter then we give them credit for.   Keep redirecting, taking away items if they can't play with the correctly, and as hard as it is ignoring tantrums.  It will get better, I promise 

jcath

Thanks - that was very helpful and good perspective from the daycare side.  I will definitely try more redirection and less time out.  I'm probably missing a big part of the problem which is that I am so tired when I get home I'm about ready to have a tantrum