asking to go peanut free (LONG)

pinkiemo

We recently went to a back to school night at DD montessori school.  We had previously thought the school was nut-free (it was unclear in the materials, saying no nuts one place but advocating peanut butter as a healthy snack others).  However, at one point the teachers reminded everyone not to pack nuts in the kids lunch boxed.  One parent asked about peanut butter and the teacher said, that's fine we just don't want loose nuts as they are a choking hazard.

That made us nervous.  DD has a serious peanut allergy.  She has an epi pen at school (though we came to find out it was kept in the office, not the classroom), and knows not to accept food from other students.  But she's 2.  She knows peanuts will make her sick, but she doesn't always know what contains peanuts and little kids like to share and/or are not great about washing hands.

We bring it up with her teacher, reminding her of DD's allergy and she says, "Oh yeah, but just the whole nuts right? Because of choking?" UM NO! She has a life-threatening allergy to any form of the nut!  Now we are really nervous.  This is not her first year in the classroom or with this teacher.  The allergy is on all of her paperwork and I was told the teacher was trained in how to use epi pens.  She then tells us there really isn't that much a concern because there are a lot of Asian students in the class who don't bring PB&J. :-/

So now DH and I want to bring all this up to the director of the school and ask her about the possibility of having DD's classroom become peanut-free. 

I know this is burden on other parents, so my idea was that I could offer to hold a meeting at the school where we would provide some snacks and discuss the idea of voluntarily going peanut-free.  There's another child with a nut allergy in the class (not sure how severe) and I was hoping to team up with those parents as well.  I thought by getting all the parents together with a little food and drinks, explaining where we are coming from and offering some suggestions to peanut alternatives, we might be able to get them on board.  I know it's a hot button issue, and I don't want to make DD into a pariah because of her allergy, but she is still very young and I want to keep her safe while letting her enjoy the school she loves so much.

What do you all think?  Good idea?  If a parent in your kid's classroom held a meeting like this, would you be happy, angry, annoyed, ambivalent?

 

TL;DL version:

Peanuts make Jensen cry.

 

 

 

lildevil968

My DS also has a life threatening peanut allergy, so I think this can be a good idea. Surely you will not be the only parent to have these types of questions. I don't think other parents should have a problem with this considering your DD's severe allergy. She is only 2, and cannot read labels.

My DS's daycare is nut free. All of the rooms in the daycare have allergy tables, with a picture of each kid, and a list of their allergies underneath the picture. He also has 2 epi pens in his room, and 2 locked in the desk at the front desk.

EMOmamma

I wouldn't go to a meeting because I don't have time for that - plus do I bring my kids?  who watches them?  

Our DC is nut/peanut free but if I got a note saying someone in my kid's class has a serious allergy to something and asked that I don't send it I wouldn't throw a fit about it.  I would appreciate a list with other/substitute suggestions.  

It really surprises me that people are still so unaware of fatal allergies.  

pinkiemo

@fredalina Thank you, me too. 

I thought about what if people didn't want to come or didn't want to agree.  I figured if the director is cool with it, I would send a ballot home where the parents could vote.  Majority would rule and if they ruled to keep the nuts I might have to consider switching schools.  Which would suck because DD loves it there.

pinkiemo

Would a better idea be just to put a note home with each kid explaining the allergy, offering some alternatives and asking parents not so send their kids with nuts? 

I would totally do this, I just worry that without an actual rule, parents would still send their kids with peanuts and it would fall to the teachers to police the food and/or separate my DD.

mrs.schmitty

Honestly, I think any parent who doesn't understand and refuses to go nut free is kind of an @sshole. Food allergies are serious and anyone who can't be put out or a little inconvenienced to keep a child safe is just being a jerk. I really don't think it should be an option if a kid in the class has allergies.

DS' old pre-school was completely nut free. And yeah it was a little bit of a pain, but we just switched DS over to soy butter. He didn't even know the difference. And if he had, we would have just sent something else instead.

EMOmamma

pinkiemo said:

Would a better idea be just to put a note home with each kid explaining the allergy, offering some alternatives and asking parents not so send their kids with nuts? 

I would totally do this, I just worry that without an actual rule, parents would still send their kids with peanuts and it would fall to the teachers to police the food and/or separate my DD.

If the note came from the director with an explanation of the severity of the allergy I would hope parents aren't jerks enough to purposely send something that could harm another child.  

If your director isn't willing to help you with this I would start looking around, or at least threatening to leave.  

klondikebar

I don't understand why her classroom isn't nut free. DS2's preschool wasn't nut free last year. They did it by individual classrooms. If a kid had a serious allergy, that room had the item banned. The parents were just given a note by the director. I wouldn't need a meeting or a lengthy explanation to protect another child.

pinkiemo

@mrs.schmitty  This is how I feel too.  If I was told a kid in her class had a life-threatening strawberry allergy I can't imagine getting all "WTF, DD cannot be without strawberries for 5 hours a day!!!!!" 

However I have actually run into a few parents who feel like that about peanut butter, even if it could actually kill another kid.  They have told me to home school since my DD is "so sick"

ETA I cant spell butter

Spapeggy

People act like peanut butter jelly is the only damn sandwich. Come on people. Pisses me off that this is an issue for allergies. I hope you can get something done in your favor its so scary. I would for sure talk to the director and teacher, being info on how fast it can kill:(

mrs.schmitty

This makes me sad. I just can't see how "but my kid's picky" can possible supersede "my kid could die". That makes me sad that any parent could have so little compassion for another child.

Luckily, DS doesn't seem to have any food allergies but God help me if he did and someone told me I should just keep him home.

WYEngTeacher

As a mother of a child with serious milk allergy (NOT "lactose intolerance"!) - I would ask that the room be nut free, and if they aren't willing to make that effort, I'd be going to a different school. You don't really have a choice, with an allergy as dangerous as peanut.

I'd also question the teacher's intelligence if you actually said "allergy" to her and she thought that meant choking hazard. Um....

ETA It shouldn't really require a meeting. The teacher just needs to communicate to parents about no nuts, items prepared at home, or items with a "prepared in a facility..." warning. fwiw, our preschool is nut free, and was also dairy free for my DD the last two years. It's not hard to do, but it would've been nice if this had been discussed ahead of time so they could have gone over it during orientation or whatnot. I can totally see how you felt misled! At the same time, I'm surprised you waited until after school started to actually bring it up. Just something to keep in mind as your DD gets older.

Heads up that you might also want to ask the teacher to put into place a classroom procedure where all students wash hands immediately upon arriving at school before touching anything in the classroom. This has also been something we do b/c DD is so sensitive to even skin contact.

klondikebar

It boggles my mind that parents wouldn't be understanding. DS2 has a dairy allergy that just causes eczema. Snacks were brought by parents on a weekly schedule. They were all good about noting if an item contained dairy and most provided an alternate snack for him even though it was never requested.

WYEngTeacher

fredalina said:

Most daycares and preschools are but free. Char had never been to one that wasn't unless as an infant and then I don't remember because it didn't apply. But some people have SEVERELY picky kids. One mom I know swears her son will only eat PBJ. And Char knows the difference between peanut butter, pumpkinseed butter we make her, sunbutter, and soynut butter. The above is not to equate a severe allergy to a picky kid. AT ALL. But I can understand why a parent might not want to go nut free. If they searched for a preschool that WASN'T nut free specifically and then they wanted to go but free, I might not love it. I still hope OP's school adopts the policy officially.

A lot of public schools are going nut free. I guess a lot of severely picky eaters are going to be seeking out private education! Too bad so sad.

pinkiemo

@WYEngTeacher I didn't bring it up before because I thought up until that back to school night that the school was nut-free. They told us as much when we signed DD up. The director said that they don't allow nuts and everyone was trained on the epi pen. I guess when she said no nuts she was talking about the hot lunches but IDK. I have a meeting scheduled with her. I definitely regret not being able to adress this before school started, which is part of my concern in dealing with the other parents.

WYEngTeacher

I wasn't flaming at all @pinkiemo. Believe me, I get it, there is so much to think about and the school was obviously misleading. You live you learn, and I was just pointing out that as she gets older you'll want to be in contact with elementary teachers etc. before the first day to make SURE they understand the severity of the allergy, that you have an allergy action plan in place with emergency meds already in the room, etc. Btw it is totally weird that they said their teachers are trained in epi-pens yet aren't actually allergen-free. It's totally contradictory! I doubt anyone chose that school so that their "severely picker eater" could have PB&J just because it so clearly sounded nut-free in the first place!

pinkiemo

Oh I know @WYEngTeacher, I didn't feel like you were. I just feel bad about it being several weeks in and then pulling a bait and switch on the other parents. Though I feel like that was done to us. And it don't feel good!

LoveActually4

I would not consider this a democratic decision with the other parents. I would ask the director to create and enforce a nut free environment. If they are unwilling to do that and your child's allergy is life threatening I would find another daycare.

Kitiara5512

I'm not sure about how to approach it but I would be freaking the fuck out that the epi pen is in the office instead of the classroom (depending on severity, couldn't someone die by the time they get the epipen to the room) and that THE TEACHER DID NOT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT ABOUT NUT ALLERGIES THAT FUCKING DUMBASS MORON.

Sorry, yelling seemed appropriate.

fancynewbeesly

I feel bad for you that you were put in a position like that. 

Our public schools by us aren't peanut free--they still sell PB&J sandwiches there. However there are peanut free tables in the cafeteria--and I actually have LESS of a problem with an elementary school being nut free--because by 5, most kids are VERY aware--at least the ones i have come across. (They do have nut free classrooms--the teacher will designate a classroom as nut free). 

But at preschool/daycare where my 2 year old still will wander and eat someone else's food--and doesn't actually "get" have an allergy--yeah not so much. 

My in-home daycare is nut free on the days that Reese is there; and semi "egg" free--we send egg substitutes-so she has the same but different (waffles, pancakes, etc)--but we aren't worried about cross contamination--it aggravates her eczema. Plus, if a kid eats PB and has it on their fingers, it is so sticky it can get on other surfaces easily--including tables/toys. The residue will still be there, which will cause a problem for nut allergies. 

I would definitely talk to the director about having the room be completely nut/peanut free. 

lrn327

I'd be a little surprised if your kiddo is the only one there with a peanut allergy actually given how common it is now.  In my DS's class, 3 out of 18 have a peanut allergy, including my DS.  I also don't think this is a democratic issue so no meeting, no ballot, though I appreciate your trying to be helpful for the other parents.  Our DC is completely nut-free, Epi-pens are stored at the front (seriously, there's a box with about 20 boxes of Epis, one for each kid with an allergy), and there is no room for wiggling on the rules.  Since you are at a private school, you do have to understand that they tell you "no we can't do that" in which case you might need to consider moving your child.  To me, it wouldn't be worth it to have to worry that every moment there is a good chance they'll encounter PB.  Sorry you have to deal with this, but you just have to advocate for your child.

RondackHiker

I'd ask the center to be nut free and send a flyer home about allergies and cross contamination and substitutes.

I'd also want the staff to be trained in allergies and her pen to be a lot closer.

What kind of idiot thinks allergies=choking? If she thinks that would she be appropriately alert enough to the food and know early symptoms of an attack, or would she think it was something else? You want her to know that those symptoms mean epipen, NOW. Not just watching her, trying to figure out what she's doing and why.

littlestjerry

Just to echo everyone else, if I were a parent at your daycare, no meeting would be necessary. A flyer home saying a kid in the school has a severe nut allergy with a few suggestions of nut-free alternatives would be enough for me. I wouldn't even expect to be asked...just told.

lildevil968

I'm honestly shocked that your DD epi pen is not kept in a locked cabinet in her DC room. This would make me very uncomfortable. What if your DD has a reaction, and the teacher cannot get a hold of someone at the front desk, or has to get it themselves? I think if you lose the nut free battle, you atleast need to address this issue. If they won't allow the epi pen in the room, then that is even more reason to leave.

RondackHiker

lildevil968 said:

I'm honestly shocked that your DD epi pen is not kept in a locked cabinet in her DC room. This would make me very uncomfortable. What if your DD has a reaction, and the teacher cannot get a hold of someone at the front desk, or has to get it themselves? I think if you lose the nut free battle, you atleast need to address this issue. If they won't allow the epi pen in the room, then that is even more reason to leave.

I keep thinking this. Adding in the fact that the teacher doesn't seem to know what allergies are and it'd likely take her much longer to realize there's an issue.. That epipen is too far away.

MaxandRuby

I have not read any of the replies but I will tell you what we do with DS2 who has a nut allergy that also requires an epi pen.  He is almost 4 and special needs so this is actually part of his IEP/IHP.

When in the cafeteria, he sits at the very end of the table and the 3 chairs on each side of him have to be with students who have nut free food (children who have food products with nuts sit on he opposite side of the table).  All children who have food products with nuts have to wash their face and hands (soap and water) prior to joining the rest of the classroom in whatever activity they are doing.

When in the classroom (they typically do not eat in the classroom because it is school so this option may be more important to you), any child eating a food product with nuts in it has to be on one side of the room and DS2 has to be on the other side. Those children eating food products with nuts have to wash their face and hands (soap and water) before joining the rest of the classroom. 

The washing of the face and hands is to make sure there are not smears or dust of (ex: peanutbutter) nut products that DS2 or another student would potentially get into (PB getting wiped on a toy that was on the hand of 1 student and then my child picking up said toy).  It sounds a lot worse written out then it is in real life.  No one is excluded as children in each "set" will have other children with them.  Also, at school we keep one epi pen in the office and the other is kept in the classroom up in a fanny pack on a hook (so kids cannot get to it) and when they leave the classroom the fanny pack is attached to the wheelchair so there is always an epi pen very near DS2.

MaxandRuby

Also, I would ask the teacher if she is familiar with how to use an epi pen.  If not, let the director know that the teacher needs training.  A training pen should have been included with your epi pen. You can let the teacher read the directions and practice with it too.

MaxandRuby

Oh, and I would not pull a meeting with the parents.  I would have the director send a note home in each child's backpack stating the due to a nut allergy X, Y, and Z will no longer be allowed or something to that effect, especially if you do not come up with an alternative.

For me, I did not want to push for a nut free classroom or school because that affects my other child and I didn't want to necessarily put out every.other.parent. especially since I have no idea how much of a picky eater other students were.  I figured with well placed plans and good supervision there should be very little issue.  You can't control other parents and if they heed instructions or not. 

SimpleJane

DS school is not completely nut free, however there was a kid in his class last year that had a severe allergy and we were asked to not pack snacks (they eat these in the classroom all together) that contain nuts. We obviously would never send nuts and knowingly endanger another child.

I would speak with the director first about the epi pen, the teachers lack of knowledge about the allergy, and the distance between the child and her epi pen. I think those things are the biggest glaring issues. I would then ask that a note be sent home to parents explaining life threatening peanut allergies to the parents and asking them to please refrain from sending nuts. If any of this was not resolved immediately I would be putting my child in a different school.