Did you ever say you were one and done, then change your mind?

Bubsie1020

I'm getting to an age where we need to settle on whether we plan to have another baby.  Our DD is 2 1/2- She is incredibly bright (what a mommy thing to say), very funny and also very stubborn.  Every time DH and I are asked about having another baby, we half joke/half seriously reply that we're still figuring this one out.  I would like my daughter to have siblings, but on many levels, the thought is overwhelming.  I would not trade my beautiful daughter for anything, but are we selfish to say that we might not be able to do it all again? To be honest, I think I'm scared to have another baby because I know what it entailed the first time (I had trouble conceiving, experienced post partum anxiety that was un-real and my daughter had colic). That said, the thought of not having a little one ever again or a sibling for my daughter to play with makes me sad.  It's a constant thought in the back of my head.  Your experience- one way or the other?

[Deleted User]

When my desire for my son to have a sibling to grow up with grew stronger than my fear of the newborn stage and all that went with it is when I knew we wouldn't be one-and-done.

It's a tough decision. I think ultimately the answer will be in your heart, honestly. 

laurakaz13

LeaLupins said:

When my desire for my son to have a sibling to grow up with grew stronger than my fear of the newborn stage and all that went with it is when I knew we wouldn't be one-and-done.

It's a tough decision. I think ultimately the answer will be in your heart, honestly. 

Most of this for me.  I had horrible, debilitating morning sickness for 7 months of my pregnancy.  Then I absolutely disliked the newborn stage.  Ever since DD was crawling at 6 months and STTN I have thoroughly enjoyed it.  I was dead set on one and done. 

I never thought it would happen, but right as DD is about to reach 2 1/2, I'm dying to have a second one.  I don't know what happened, but I really want her to have a sibling so I figure I can endure another year of hell to give her one. 

jaylynn808

I was OAD for 7 years! My daughter was a precious but challenging kid and there was a lot going on. Decided I wanted another once the challenges seemed to subside and life was great. Of course, it got hectic again but this time I loved it. Still thought I was done and now I want another. I must love the chaos because every time life gets smooth I cry more! Lol. For me, it was never about giving each a sibling, tho there is nothing wrong with that!! I just love raising my kids and I love the little people they are becoming. I agree with previous poster that if you are considering it, you are probably not OAD. Either way, good luck and I hope you make the choice you want most. One thing to keep in mind, it goes fast. I still can't believe my baby girl is almost 10. It seems like a few months ago I was teaching her to sleep in her big girl bed. If you really want another, don't let your fears of newborn stage stop you because it goes fast. If you love your current set-up, that's perfect, too!

PunkyBooster

It's totally up to you! Not selfish at all.

I had a really hard childbirth recovery. Add in the baby blues (x100) and I honestly wasn't sure I could do that again.

Nearly 3 years later I am now coming around again. We will start ttc after thanksgiving.

rlyttle

I could have written most of this post myself. I've had 2 miscarriages since DS, but I wasn't 100% sure on #2 either time. I had baby fever with DS, but I don't think I will ever get baby fever again. I LOVE LOVE LOVE DS and I wouldn't change him for the world, but I get very selfish thoughts when I think about having another LO. I could do it, I would do it, but I'm not 100% into doing it. I want DS to have a sibling, but that is about the only reason I can come up with for having another. I don't want to deal with another infant, I don't want to pay for daycare, I don't want to be driving 2 kids to practices when DH is working. I just see more things I don't want to deal with opposed to things that make want to have another. I want to go on big vacations, drive a nice car, pay for DS's college, have time to myself, have time with DH, have a guest room, have my body the way it is now, and many other things that come with an only child. BUT I know how much I would love another and how much joy another baby would bring. Ultimately we are giving ourselves a year to make the final decision. We are VERY happy with our little family and I don't want to ever think DS isn't enough for me. GL! I know it's hard.

driveshorses

There was no flip flopping about it. I knew I was done and hubby concurred. It sounds like you're just scared of what you know what can happen, which is a fair fear to have!

EmilyStL

Kimbus22 said:

Anyone I know who was truly OAD wasn't going back and forth constantly and feeling guilty about it.  They knew that was it for them.  I'd think if it's a constant thought for you, then you're probably not done, just scared.
 

Yeah.  I thought I was OAD for 15/16 months after DD was born, then started flip flopping, and was PG again when she was 19 months.  Having a toddler and an infant is difficult for sure, but having a second was the right choice for us.  Here's what ultimately helped me make the decision: If we were truly OAD, I knew I might regret it at some point, but I knew I would never regret having a second.