Hello...New here

MrsSwaite2

Hello, my name is Melissa and I have been lurking for about 3 months.  I wanted to come out of the shadows, and I hope that I can get some support from fellow ladies that know or can appreciate what we have/are going through.  I have a wonderful support system in my family, friends, and church, but there is something to be said for folks who have/are walking in the same shoes.

DH and I have been married for almost 9 years, and have been actively trying for pretty much all 9.  When we were first married, we began the process to adopt from China, but stopped when we got pregnant.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended.  We have had several chemical pregnancies, 2 failed medicated trys, and unexplained infertility.  We have always been interested in adopting, the timing never seemed right. Adding to all of that was the stress of me opening up my insurance agency about 5 years ago, and my DH starting his about 2 years ago.  My DH found out that he passed his year trial in June of this year and we decided that we would start IVF in September/October.  We went on a much needed vacation, the first in 2 years in late May/early June.  That is when our Adoption Journey began.

One of my employees came to me the day after we got back and shared with me that there was a young woman who was an aquaintence of her sister that was pregnant and was open, or knew that she needed to have someone adopt the baby.  We had no idea of the sex, race(mom is caucasian), or her medical background.  We decided to move forward and proceed.  The emom is mentally challenged as she was beat as a small child(so bad that she had brain damage and lost sight in her right eye) and there are two judges who feel she is not capable of taking care of the baby.  It will be a closed adoption. This is for the baby's and our protection.  She has sever anger issues, and suffers from diagnosed RAD(sp?) disorder and PSTD.  She was in jail from March-May and late June to mid August for assult charges.  So far she has not tried to hurt herself or the baby.  She calls the baby a "miracle" and wants her to be spoiled with love the way she never was. 

We have made it very clear to our Attorney and her 3 case workers that we in no way shape or form want to take advantage of her, or the circumstances she finds herself in.  We have had a lot of support from the developmental disabilities and adult protective services that watch over her.  We have had a lot of ups and downs, and most days I feel very alone.  My DH is very supportive, but our friends and famlies don't understand that this is very unusual, and why things have been challenging for us.  In a perfect world, she would be able to parent.  In a perfect world we may have been able to have an open adoption process. 

I am fearful of lots of things, and it has been nice to see some of my questions and fears being answered here.  There is a lot more to the story, but I have rambled on long enough.

 

Melissa

 

maryoosa

Welcome. Thank you for sharing your story.

Dr.Loretta

Welcome. I think you'll find this a great community to share your story, as well as your hopes and fears.

Nicolewinsbingo

Lurker here. My heart is just breaking for the emom. What a terribly sad predicament she is in. Prayers for your adoption to go as smoothly as possible and peace for the emom's heart.

MrsSwaite2

Thank you everyone.  I am sorry I posted so much, I feel like it has been bottled up because there is so much and it is so confusing. 

My heart breaks so much for the emom.  Luckily, when she was released from jail in August she was put in a wonderful program where she will finally start receiving counseling, medicine, and be seen by an eye doctor for the first time in 10 years.  She will be able to get her GED and they will coach her and help her find employment.  I am hoping doors will be opened for her that she never would have had.

Thanks again!

Dr.Loretta

The way I see it, this child would have been placed in some sort of care (foster care, kinship care) if you hadn't been contacted as adoptive parents. IMO you just shortened the process a bit by being identified as adoptive parents before the birth.

Best wishes to all of you.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

MrsSwaite2

Good morning....we had a crazy night. I received a call from one of our emom's case workers that she was at the hospital and dialated to a 4...about an hour later while I was packing we got another call that the baby was born! The baby and birth mom are doing great. We have not seen her yet, due to us getting to the town she was born in about an hour after they stropped visiting hours. We live about 2 1/2 hours away. We are meeting with our attorney in an hour and then possibly with a judge later today. In our state she gets 24 hours, but she has a guardian ad litem that will most likely make the decisions for her. I had lots of mixed emotions last night. I wish we could have met her, but maybe this is all for the best. Also, another one of her case workers said she was showing no signs of mothering instinct, she seemed more interested in other things. I know this could be from a variety of reasons, but part of me was so sad for the baby girl and the other part of me was kind of relieved. That is probably really selfish. I know this baby is not ours yet, but I am on pins and needles to meet and love on her.

mtendere

I agree that it sounds like she could never parent and that your willingness to adopt will likely make a terrible loss end in a positive way for the child. The sadness/happiness of adoption is sometimes hard to process, but this community is very knowledgeable and supportive. I hope everything continues to go well for all those involved.

CaptainSerious

Oh, wow!  I hope everything is going well for all of you!

JoshKrisAdopt

What a though story. My heart aches for that poor woman but Im so grateful that her little girl is going to be well taken care of. It seems to me you're really helping both mother and baby. Adoption is so bitter sweet sometimes. https://joshandkrisloveadoption.blogspot.com/

MrsSwaite2

Thank you to everyone for your support. We had a few hiccups with a few things on Tuesday, but Wedesday at 9:50am the proper concent forms were signed. We left the hospital with our new daughter. It's been a crazy few days, but we are so blessed to have her home and are eternally grateful to our birth mom. I thought when I joined on Monday I would have lots of time until her birth...no such thing! I hope I can help anyone who has a similar story, or in general. Thanks for the nice welcome!

NickiChick

Wow, what a roller coaster you have been on. Congrats on the birth of your daughter. I hope all goes well as you adjust to being a family of 3!  

Flamingo86

Wow, what an incredible story. Congrats on your new daughter. Post updates if you can.