Finally happened "I want a brother..."

MAtoNC

Well, it finally happened. The moment I've been dreading. My son, who will be 4 in November told me that he wants "a brother or a sister or a baby"--he asked why he didn't have one like "the other kids" (cliche, I know). I explained to him, with a smile, that families come in all different sizes, and that our family has a mommy and a daddy and a Joseph (his name)..and then I named his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. He was not satisfied with that. He frowned and was very quiet after that.

Does anyone have advice regarding what has worked well for you? I know this will come up again, and I would like to be prepared with a better answer than the one I gave this time. This is especially hard for me because we wanted a second child, but it was not in the cards for us. We are 100% OAD.

QuigleyCat1

No advice, I'm sorry. Our DS hasn't asked this (yet).  I just want to offer some hugs to you.

hopefulmom81

I haven't experienced this yet, but if I do, I am planning on asking DD why she wants a brother/sister and then explaining to whatever her answer is how we can get those things as an only.  

For example, if she says, "because I want someone to play with" or something, I will explain how a brother or sister would be x years apart from her and hard to play with, but that we can make more of a point to see her nephews and friends from school.

I am sure that the reason they want siblings is pretty basic and not some deep rooted sense of needing a brother or sister.  I am an only, and I can say that when I went through this phase I had NO CLUE what I was talking about.

kristinyoung111

hopefulmom81 said:

I haven't experienced this yet, but if I do, I am planning on asking DD why she wants a brother/sister and then explaining to whatever her answer is how we can get those things as an only.  

For example, if she says, "because I want someone to play with" or something, I will explain how a brother or sister would be x years apart from her and hard to play with, but that we can make more of a point to see her nephews and friends from school.

I am sure that the reason they want siblings is pretty basic and not some deep rooted sense of needing a brother or sister.  I am an only, and I can say that when I went through this phase I had NO CLUE what I was talking about.

I remember wanting a sibling when I was younger, and it was just because I wanted people to play with when my best friend wasn't available, or I wanted to play with my parents more.

missymo

No advice, but sorry you are dealing with that! I anticipate at some point I will have to tackle that question myself.  

I actually joked to my daughter, who will be 3 next month, that I was going to get her a baby brother or sister for her birthday (she has shown jealousy when I hold her younger cousin), and she was like, "Noooooooo!!!"  LOL.  

KL777

DS said that maybe a handful of times, but he hasn't said anything about that in quite some time.  If any random person asks him if he has a sibling, he'll say in a very matter of fact type of way "I don't have a sister or a brother, it's me, my mom, and my dad".  And there's no grief or remorse when he says it, he'll say it as if he's stating facts.

clstoblg

I have also heard kids ask why they have to have a sibling too so I think it comes both ways.  Kind of the "greener on the other side." Questioning the unknown.  I think it is normal and you handled it well. 

Tink112011

Not sure how I'll handle this some day, but I remember begging for a baby sister when I was about 7 (I already had an older brother).  I even put it on my Christmas list.  I don't remember why I wanted a baby sister, but now I understand why my mom responded with "NOOOOOOooooo!"

scrappingcat

I also dread this but would handle it exactly as you did.  DS is very interested in family structure, "Friend A at daycare only has a mommy."  We always explain that families come in all shapes and sizes but as long as there is someone that loves and cares for them it is a family just the same.   He seems pretty happy with this answer for now!

MAtoNC

Thanks so much for the support, everyone. Sorry it has taken so long to get back on. I was having trouble with my log in. I appreciate all of your points. He hasn't brought it up again. It did drive home one thing, though. I absolutely need to get past my own issue withe OAD really fast so thatI can be genuine in my happy light and breezy responses. Faking it is not going to cut it.

Socialworkgirl

So, I know this doesn't apply to you, but when I asked my mom said something like, I am not going to have another baby just because you want one, that isn't a good enough reason. So you could always take the brutally honest approach, lol.