Single Parents

How do I get my family on board with my decision to have another baby?

I'm 21 and already have a 2 year old son. And I really want to try for a little girl. But I'm afraid my parents and grandparents will be very upset. My first pregnancy was unplanned and the entire family was furious. My boyfriend Justin was still in school and didn't show much interest. I was still living with my parents and they had to do everything because Justin's family wouldn't help at all. So it was totally understandable then. But now we're out on our own and have been for right at a year. Justin has a good job and he wants another baby too. But I'm afraid the rest of the family will go nuts. I rely on my mom greatly and couldn't make it without her. I don't want her mad at me. And my grandparents own the house we're in and could kick us out if they wanted too. If that happened we would be totally screwed. If I go through with it, I want to conceive in December because it will be a September baby. So I have roughly 2 months to work on everybody. I've done all kinds of little predictor tests and looked at the Chinese calendar thing and they ALL said with my age and would be conception date that it would be a girl. Of course I would be just as happy with a little boy, I would just like a girl since I already have a boy. The entire family loved Caden the minute they saw him and spoil him rotten. I know they would be the same way eventually with another one but it would be a while.The main point is, I really want to get pregnant and we have the means to take care of one this time. But I don't want to lose the support of my family or my house. So how should I go about telling them I want to try again? Or should I just do it and tell everybody after it's done? I would really rather have everyone on board from the start.

P.S. I am well aware that those tests are just for fun and no guarantee of either gender and that God will give me whatever I'm meant to have. But it doesn't hurt to try.

 

P.P.S. Does anyone think it would make a difference if me and Justin got married before conceiving?

Re: How do I get my family on board with my decision to have another baby?

  • My question would be how much support are you still receiving from your family and how much would you expect to need with another? I think their being on board is going to be about how much they are going to be expected to contribute.

    You said you rely on your mother. Does she provide child care for you for free? A single infant is very different than an infant and a toddler. Are you paying your grandparents rent or are they losing income they could receive from another renter to allow you to live their for free. If you're paying rent, child care, utilities, not receiving any aid from your family you could not live without and could support another child then I see no reason your family would object to your conceiving.

    If you are receiving aid from them you could not live without and can only consider conceiving under their good graces I would personally consider waiting. You could always bring up the topic and get their input, they may be supportive and willing to provide the aid to help you bring another LO into your family but if doing so would require their assistance I would not even consider it without their blessing.

    I don't think it has anything to do with the two of you getting married, I think it has to do with your ability to live independently of them. If losing there assistance leaves you in a position where the two of you could not provide for your current family members its not fair to ask them to do more because you want another. If they volunteer that's one thing but to expect it I feel is wrong.
  • Wow. That was very helpful. And it made me think a lot too. I'm a stay at home mom and don't need regular childcare but if an emergency arises or something like that, my mom does keep Caden for free. But it also is a 'want' on her part. She wants to have him as much as possible. She works a swing shift where she's off two or three days and then works two or three days, and on her days off she's always calling me bright and early asking if he can come down. And when she has to work, she cries because she wont get to see him for a couple days. 9 times out of 10 if my mom has him, its because she begged for him. Not because I asked her too. But I do need her for a lot of other things. I know she would never totally abandon me but it would hurt if I lost her support. And if I did conceive I don't know how I would get to my doctor or the hospital because they're 2 hours away in the city and I'm not comfortable enough to drive there yet. So while we can take MY car and MY gas, I still need her to drive and to watch Caden in the waiting room. Unless something major that I don't know about happens, I don't think I'll need her to watch the new baby. As far as my grandparents go, they are letting us live here rent free but they're going to leave me this house and pastureland for my horses in their will, so I would more than likely be here either way. We try to give them a few dollars when we can but it should be more. So basically, we don't require any financial assistance from anyone but we do require a home, some childcare, and occasional transportation. We hadn't really thought much about marriage until now, but I thought it might look a little better from the outside if we were. Especially to my grandparents and the older people at church. But then again, it might not make a difference. All I know for sure is that I really want another one and I'm firm about wanting it in September. So I have to get pregnant in December, and I really don't want to wait till next year because it would be two years until it was actually here. And right now is my absolute best chance for a girl. Another thing is, both my grandparents are old and not in the best health. My grandmother on the other side is already dead and it will make me very sad that she wont get to see a new baby. Im so thankful she got to see Caden. And I want to have another one before my other grandparents are gone, so they'll get to see it. I think what I'm going to do is write letters to them explaining everything. If we try to talk in person, I know they'll get mad and wont listen to me and I wont get to say everything. If I do it in a letter, I'll get everything out and they'll have time to cool down before talking to me. Then we'll go from there. This is the first time I've talked about this to anyone but Justin, so thank you for your input. It was very helpful.  But before I can do anything, I have to get this Implanon birth control thing out of my arm. I'm going to post a question about that so feel free to answer it too. Thanks for your help.
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  • With all that said I can't imagine why your parents would object to adding another little one to the family. You guys sound pretty stable. As long as you have a plan in case your BH is injured or can't work you seem to have it covered. In your position I don't think you need to talk to your folks. .
  • inthelostinthelost member
    edited September 2013
    If you are in a good enough position to support another child, then I say you shouldn't have to talk to your family aobut it: it's not their decision to make, but you also shouldn't "expect" they'll be there or do more for you if you got pregnant again. I'd hold off on having another baby if you won't be fully able to support him/her.
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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