Mommy group issue-Long!

vicky7139

First post here...have been lurking for a while...I am a SAHM and in a mommy group that has a mix of both full-time, part-time, and 2 SAHM (including myself).  I recently had an issue (totally ridiculous and petty and started by the other party) with one of the other moms (full time working mom) It was private, and none of the other moms know about it...but she was extremely rude to me and made me feel extremely uncomfortable and it is really putting a downer on me wanting to hang out in a group setting (kids parties, etc...) with the whole group of 7.  

I LOVED this group when I joined it but the antics of this one person is really upsetting me. I don't know what to do!  I have already talked to her and she is not acting like a 30-something mother in my opinion and just ignores every effort I make to resolve the issue she has with me (which is actually a made up issue--but I am trying to be the bigger person and just let her say whatever it is she wants to say).  On top of the petty issue, she also feels that I shouldnt be hanging out with any of the girls/babies in the group as a twosome/threesome...I should only be hanging out if EVERYONE can hang out...which is OBVIOUSLY a ridiculous request.  

I guess I am just looking for some of your opinions on what you would do.  I even considered starting my own group for just SAHM in my area so that I could have a group of women that are available and have the same parenting lifestyle as me.  I also considered joining another meetup group that is specifically for parents of kids my daughters own age and mostly SAHM  (but is a bit farther from me physically) just to start fresh.  I don't really want to try with this girl anymore because she has made it clear that she is right and I am not and thats the end. 

I want my daughter and I to be comfortable and have people that relate to us...

Sorry for the rant...just need to mommy love I guess...

Mrs.Hizzo

Not trying to pry, but it's kind of hard to give advice without knowing what the situation was.

MountaineerMomma

Mrs.Hizzo said:

Not trying to pry, but it's kind of hard to give advice without knowing what the situation was.

true story.

vicky7139

Well I kind of said it in there sort of.  Its just little things...she attached me via text message about things like that I shouldnt be hanging out with anyone without the whole group...and that I obviously think that her and her husband are dull people because we never invite them to hang out with without the babies (which i have never done with anyone!!)  and a few other stupid things.  I tried to defend myself and she said it didnt matter...she thinks what she thinks and now that she said her piece its over.  So i sent her a lengthy note saying that I wasnt okay with her just attacking me and and then saying okay done buh bye see you at the next playdate.  If she had a problem with anything I was doing she should have brought it to my attention and please do so in the future...hopefully this doesnt affect our ability to hang out in a group setting.  She then went on to block me from Pinterest (???!!!) and Instagram but remains friends with me on FB because then everyone would know that she is pissed at me...since our "disagreement" we have not spoken, she never responded to my note to reach out and try to resolve things, and is being extremely active in the group with the other girls...I cant even give you more information because i dont even know why this is happening!!!

bumpuser8448316

You sound just as immature as her. Be cordial to her at group functions and continue hanging out with the people you like or join another group. And fwiw I think the word "attack" is a bit strong here

Mrs.Hizzo

So, do you get along well with the other ladies? If so, I'd just be pleasant to her and ignore it.

notkateanymore

Seriously sounds like a playgroup for Teen Mom 3. I would just ignore her. WTH do you care about Instagram, Pinterest, etc. Unfriend her on FB and be done with it...unless you are really enjoying the drama.

trizzie

I had a "friend" treat me like that in our moms group. But, I just ignored it and her. Like the others said, I am pleasant to her when I see her, but we are not tight. I don't buy into drama like that. It isn't worth it.

mylittlesunshine

Sounds immature IMO. I think you just need to let it go. Even if you did join a group geared towards SAHMs, it wouldn't guarantee issues with other moms. What would you do then???

Dochas

I would still hang out with the group and still make plans with however many people you want to.  I definitely wouldn't say anything to the other Moms.  I've had something similar happen.  In my experience they eventually start doing the same things to other people.  Sometimes people are just weird and manipulative and they can't help but show these colors to other people as well.

But it definitely wouldn't hurt to try the other groups too.  You don't have to choose one over the other.  When 2 women in my group of Mom friends started getting weird I branched out.  I still see some people but really like meeting new people too.

Working and not working definitely impacts people's schedules and availability.  Since the kook has a problem with OP hanging out without the entire group it's understandable that she would seek out people with similar availability.

StacyJYay

NandaB said:

Here's what I think...clearly she's crazy. She doesn't get to decide who you hang out with. She isn't the boss of you. Just be polite when you see her in the group setting, invite others to do stuff one on one if you want (or extend an invite to the whole group when YOU are avail) and definitely check out the other groups. As a SAHM I wanted other SAHM friends because I wanted to have people to do stuff with during the day. If that's not important to you try them each out ans see which is a good fit. Or join a couple.

+1.