Please convince me AP is right!

jaimek827

Hi everyone! 

So, with the exception of my brother, most of my friends and family do not believe in attachment parenting.  My pediatrician is not for it either.  

So, with my 3.5 year old, he loved to rock (and still does!) and he would go to sleep in his bed and then come to sleep with us a few hours later.  He's a good sleepe now and he still visits us in the middle of the night but that doesn't bother us at all.  In fact, I love him sleeping with us.  Fast forward about 3 years...I now have a 4 month old who is as sweet at pie.....except when it's time for bed.  As soon as I start our routine, he starts flipping out.  I have tried rocking, bouncing, singing, etc. etc.....he screams through all of it.  However, the one thing he settles for is nursing him.  We tried this pick up, put down thing and for his first nap of the day, he will calm himself after about 30 seconds of crying.  I can handle that...but not much more.  For the other naps and bedtime, he will scream for 45 minutes or more.  (I try to hold, rock, etc through this)  I will not leave him to cry it out.  So, those of you who believe in attachment parenting and have older kids....if I nurse him to sleep, how do you ever transition him to just going to sleep when you stop nursing? And, how can my husband put him to sleep if I'm not home?  I'm really frustrated and I don't know what to do.  I know everyone I talk to is going to tell me to cry it out.  It's not natural to me and I feel sick when  he's screaming like that.  Please help!!  

nosoup4u

I would nurse and rock them, and then put them in the crib after they fell asleep. Or I would nurse them lying down in our bed (mattress in the floor), and sneak off after they were asleep. Nursing to sleep was one of the last sessions they dropped, mainly bc it always worked so well for us. I wouldn't sweat it, there's a reason it makes babies sleepy! Nature's sleep aid, ha ha ha

ncbelle

Both of my kids grew out of nursing to sleep on their own around a year old.  I do think it helps to have another "trick" that works - for daddy or other caregivers.  For us, that was baby wearing.  I also think it's important to remember that if he has been nursed, and daddy is trying to get him down and he is crying - that is NOT CIO!!  

And really if nursing to sleep was so "bad" then why in the heck is it biologically designed to make babies sleepy?  To me, it's just stupid to fight biology

bloverde

DS is 15mo and still nurses to sleep when I'm home. I'm a resident, so my husband has to put him to bed every 4th night or so, so they have their own routine - sippy of BM, then cuddles. Our babysitter who watches him 2 days a week rocks him to sleep for naps. They adjust. I'm way too tired myself to fight to do some "sleep training," when it's much easier to nurse him, for both of us. I'm sure he will grow out of it eventually.

Meganequine

4 mo is so little still.  I don't understand society's need for kids to "put themselves to sleep" so early.  I nursed mine to sleep until around a year.  When I couldn't be home Daddy would give him a pumped bottle.  It worked out for us.  We eventually started giving a sippy cup instead.  He still sometimes asks for water at bedtime.  He's always been a pretty flexible/adaptable baby, so that worked to our benefit.  Keep nursing that baby if it feels right to you.

Mrs.AmyDylan

I nurse to sleep. I love the sleepy baby snuggles and cuddles. For me, I want to do what works best for DD and not always what is easiest.

My mom and DH can each put her down with a bottle of pumped milk. 

You need to do what works best for your family. AP is about meeting your child's needs in a gentle and living way.

 I'm sorry your baby is crying so much. When DD was that small and even smaller, anytime she cried, I gave her the boob. It fixed so many issues,..hungry, thirsty, cold, lonely, bored, gassy, etc. is the screaming new? Are you sure he doesn't have reflux? 

DanandVan

My kids are 8, 6, and a baby, and I've nursed them all to sleep (bedsharing till they turn 2). For us, there was a natural transition from nursing to sleep to reading books to fall asleep (15-18 months). Plus a transition to a lovey, which ended up being me - my son liked to fall asleep with his hand on my chest and my daughter liked to fall asleep playing with my hair.
After they weaned, they still needed to be parented to sleep till they were about 2, but then we switched them to their own beds, which they were excited about, and we never had tears at bedtime! I listen to my friends complain about what a huge struggle bedtime is, but for us its always been peaceful, relaxing, and a great way to snuggle and connect with our kids.

thatoneredhead

4 months is the worst time to sleep train and it kills me that people start it then.

My pedi loves AP. He suggested baby wearing, doesnt even suggest sleep training until 9mo, and supported me the best he could while I was trying to make BFing work. 

My family always talks about my spoiled baby. I dont know why some people think meeting a baby's every need somehow leads into an indulgent parenting style. We have already transitioned out of that.

My baby is transitioning on his own from needing milk to sleep. He finishes it and rolls over. He did that on his own. It wont last forever. If he did need help sleeping on his own, he certainly didnt need it at 4-6mo. 

nosoup4u

DanandVan said:

After they weaned, they still needed to be parented to sleep till they were about 2, but then we switched them to their own beds, which they were excited about, and we never had tears at bedtime! I listen to my friends complain about what a huge struggle bedtime is, but for us its always been peaceful, relaxing, and a great way to snuggle and connect with our kids.

Not to hijack this thread, but this is us, too. DS1 doesn't need us to lie by him when he falls asleep anymore, but lying with DS2 is a nice way to end the day for us (I work FT now), and we don't have to struggle with him staying in bed, etc. either.

musicalmama5

Nurse to sleep! It's so easy and nice and sweet and wonderful and natural. Breastmilk is like Ambien for babies, so use that to your advantage! 

Also, I read here about how your nighttime breastmilk has more melatonin in it, which will eventually help your baby develop his circadian rhythms. So nurse away! (and read that whole article, it's super fascinating)

jaimek827

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  It's so nice to hear from moms who feel the same way I do about parenting.  My best friend is a huge advocate of CIO so we can't talk about this stuff at all. Her answer to everything is to let them cry.  Can't understand it.  Anyway, I feel much better about nursing to sleep....did it this evening and my sweet, little baby was much happier.  MrsAmyDylan, my LO does have reflux and it has been under control for a couple months now.  The crying starts immediately when he knows it's bedtime but like I said, I just nursed him to sleep and it was much more peaceful for the whole house.  Gonna stick with it and I'll figure it out along the way.  I'll be checking out this board much more often!!    Thanks so much!  

acbfreire

DD still nurses to sleep and nurses MOTN a few times. I am not fighting it. I think she needs it and will eventually outgrow her needs. Do whatever works for your family!