Difference between Mom and MIL - Vent

Dubski

We told our parents today. My Mom's reaction was a 2 compared to his Mom's 10. I mean, she has a lot going on and I think she's depressed (my step dad has Alzheimer's) but I never expected it would impact how she and I bonded - or wouldn't bond - during this time. She was congratulatory but never shed a tear, raised her voice in excitement, anything. His mom was jumping up and down, screaming, crying, and broke out the Moët.

I am trying to be understanding for my Mom and her situation, and trying not to be disappointed in her reaction (or lack thereof). But I can't help it. I also have flash forwards to the future where his parents are all-star grand parents and my Mom can't compare. I know it's not a competition but when I pictured having kids, it was never with this kind of situation. I always thought my Mom and I would be closer because of it, never that I would think her reactions would be anything less than extatic.

Not sure how I'm going to find peace with this....

Marcella05

Some people don't express themselves they way you'd want, but they still have the emotional response internally. Don't worry so much about it and let yourself enjoy this time regardless. I'm sure she will find a time/place to appropriately express herself to you.

MissLadyTay

I'm so sorry. It's really hard when people react differently than you expected or hoped. Hopefully your mom is going through some stuff now but will get more excited as the time for the baby's arrival gets closer.

Eta: grammar

dakota01

That stinks. I would say if she doesn't show some interest you should approach her about it. Just say hey is there something going on because you were really aloof when we told you about the baby. I am kind of hurt that you weren't more excited, this is an exciting and scary time for me and I really want to share it with you. We could all use a little joy around here etc etc.

Kmbaybay

dakota01 said:

That stinks. I would say if she doesn't show some interest you should approach her about it. Just say hey is there something going on because you were really aloof when we told you about the baby. I am kind of hurt that you weren't more excited, this is an exciting and scary time for me and I really want to share it with you. We could all use a little joy around here etc etc.

This sounds like a great way to approach!

ABColeslaw

Dude I have a son with Autism, no one I have told has been excited for me.  Seriously, it makes me not want to tell anyone.  It is almost sad.  Well my efriends, they have been excited just because they know how much I've gone through to get here.  But in real life, no one. 

JoelleOK

My MIL is a reserved person. When we told her about our first born she said "Oh." I was a little disappointed. When I was getting ready for my baby shower she told me a little bit about the difficulties she had. She was afraid to be excited. We had a good pregnancy and a perfect little boy. She has been a wonderful grandmother. This time when we told her she was much more enthusiastic.
Maybe you could ask her if she has any reservations about your pregnancy?

dakota01

ABColeslaw said:

Dude I have a son with Autism, no one I have told has been excited for me.  Seriously, it makes me not want to tell anyone.  It is almost sad.  Well my efriends, they have been excited just because they know how much I've gone through to get here.  But in real life, no one. 

That is sad! How people act sometimes makes me want to throat punch them.

ABColeslaw

dakota01 said:

ABColeslaw said:

Dude I have a son with Autism, no one I have told has been excited for me.  Seriously, it makes me not want to tell anyone.  It is almost sad.  Well my efriends, they have been excited just because they know how much I've gone through to get here.  But in real life, no one. 

That is sad! How people act sometimes makes me want to throat punch them.

When we told people way back that we were going to go for a second, they actually told us it was a bad idea and that we could "gasp" have another Asher.  My little boy is fucking fantastic, he is a lot of work, but damn I'd love another little boy just like him.  It feels like such a judgment against my beautiful little guy when people react badly.  It is like they look at him and think "Oh hell no, don't you dare have another one of those!"  fucking pregnancy hormones, I just made myself cry.  I need to go hug my little dude. 

chargers32

ABColeslaw said:

dakota01 said:

ABColeslaw said:

Dude I have a son with Autism, no one I have told has been excited for me.  Seriously, it makes me not want to tell anyone.  It is almost sad.  Well my efriends, they have been excited just because they know how much I've gone through to get here.  But in real life, no one. 

That is sad! How people act sometimes makes me want to throat punch them.

When we told people way back that we were going to go for a second, they actually told us it was a bad idea and that we could "gasp" have another Asher.  My little boy is fucking fantastic, he is a lot of work, but damn I'd love another little boy just like him.  It feels like such a judgment against my beautiful little guy when people react badly.  It is like they look at him and think "Oh hell no, don't you dare have another one of those!"  fucking pregnancy hormones, I just made myself cry.  I need to go hug my little dude. 

That is such bullshit!! IT makes me mad for you!! People are so stupid and judgmental! GRRRR

To OP: My ILs are so emotionless its funny, so they always react "oh ok"... hahaha BUT they spoil the crap out of our kids and really love seeing them as much as they can even though they live across the country

RedInLove

I'm not completely sure how the grandmothers will react, it could go a couple of ways.

First is a given. StepMIL will squeal with excitement and probably shed some tears. StepMIL will be Meme to our baby just as she is to her 3 grandchildren. FIL is deceased, he would have been beside himself and probably offered to carry the baby to term for me, LOL! He would have been in his glory over this. He was Grandpa to StepMIL's grandchildren, but he always wanted a biological grandchild.

For MIL, this will be their (her and StepFIL) first grandchild. While I think she will be thrilled, she could either get super happy or stay calm and poised. StepFIL will congratulate DH on being a stud and they'll drink more beer.

My mom will either be overly excited and emotional, or come out with some "well it's about time" comment with some attitude that I will hate. More than likely will be the former, but she's been vocal about her disapproval of us making our own life decisions (waiting so long) so there could certainly be some comments in there.

My dad will be happy, he'll congratulate us and probably smile a lot, but he's not an 'overreact' type of person, he doesn't get super emotional. He will likely be the balance I will need in dealing with everyone else, especially since we're hoping to have them all together to tell them all at once.