New and embarassed

Haysboro1108

Hey ladies-
I'm a FTM due in January and I live about 1000 miles from family and inlaws. My mom and sister are throwing me a baby shower where they live and I am so thankful! I told them they can do whatever they want- I am just grateful for the effort on my behalf. Then the tackiness started.
My mom was originally pushing for a diaper raffle thing and I totally freaked out- I'm not a charity organization and I don't need a raffle. I finally got her to let that go and then comes "books instead of cards". I couldn't win that battle and lo and behold its on my invite. I'm pretty embarassed (as is DH) but there's nothing I can do--mom is the pushy kind and I try to pick my battles... I just hate thinking about people feeling put out and annoyed by the request. What can I do? Ugh so embarrassed

Haysboro1108

Thanks ladies-no use crying over spilt milk I guess:)

RibbitGrl930

Agreed with the other ladies. At least you tried to show your mother the light, but she clearly will do what she wants. Like PP has said, most people will understand the tackiness originated from the hostess and not the guest of honor. Just make sure to thank each guest for the book during the shower then mention the book in your thank you notes (acknowledging it as a gift). You'll be fine.

BC&LM

My mom mentioned my sister was thinking of doing this. I said I really didn't think this was necessary because people would have to spend more money. I was under the impression she was going to tell my sister that I preferred she didn't do the book thing. Lo and behold, the invitations go out, and they put it on there anyway. I didn't even realize until I started getting all these books that were signed. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do about it at that point. And I do have to admit, it is nice having a little library for LO.

If people judge anyone, it will most likely be your hostess, not you.

thatoneredhead

I dont judge the book thing. I do get a smaller present though.

In my area, it's NBD.

SunAndRain

Honestly as an invited guest I wouldn't pause to judge the book thing. Books are one of the most valuable gifts a child of any age could receive. I'd rather a new mom's priorities lie with a book than some $50 matchy matchy lamp

[Deleted User]

There's really nothing you can do, except grin and bear it. I understand how you feel, though. Take comfort in the fact that most people will assume you had no part in planning it (which you didn't!)

neverblushed

People will understand that you didn't have anything to do with the planning.  They will not hold you responsible.  All the "side-eyeing" and gossip will be directed at your hostesses, where it belongs.

Honestly, although I also think these things are horribly tacky in principle, my feelings about them soften a little when it's a real situation.  I'm especially ambivalent about the "book instead of card" idea.  Even though I would never ask guests to do this at a shower I hosted, if I am invited to one where this is requested, I go along willingly and even enjoy picking out a book.  And I never think badly about a MTB whose hostesses have arranged this.  I assume she's clueless about it!

ArgyleBride

Yeah, don't feel bad.  I can do you one better.  I allowed this (it wasn't even "instead of a card," just "gimme a book,") as a HOSTESS, because I was preserving my battles for such atrocities as posting open-house flyers for the party (??????!!!!!), and my personal favorite, planning to ask work friends to leave partway through so "real" guests could enjoy games together.  Holy moly oly.  The stories I could tell.... So I managed to squash those, but book-begging lived on.  Never again will I cohost, unless I know the other people reeeeally well.

Haysboro1108

I did decide to register for books so that if guests wanted to give me a book as THE gift then that would be awesome too- and maybe deter the books instead of a card situation. I adore my mom but once she gets an idea in her head- wild horses couldn't drag it from her Needless to say, mom won't be there when baby is born. Lesson learned.

kinarlva

There is really nothing that you can do, unfortunately. Just try to relax and enjoy your shower. The books over cards thing is usually split 50/50, so maybe your friends will find it totally normal. Try not to worry. Nothing you can do now. 

MrsLillyG

I don't think the book instead of card thing is something to be embarrassed about.  You are not the one throwing the shower, so  you do not look bad.  Ive seen on here that people hate the book instead of card thing-I don't think its a big deal.  If you don't want to get a book, don't get a book.  If you think its the most awful thing ever and you are invited to one of these showers, don't go.  (If you think someone suggesting that you bring a book instead of a card is the most awful thing ever, you haven't lived, lol)

FTR I do get why people don't like this idea.

RileyLynn

I just received a baby shower invite for a friend who is due in November, the invite asks for a book instead of a card and I loved the idea. It sounded like a great way to build LO a library and not have a build up of unwanted cards.