How to approach a friend? PLEASE HELP US!

Likesunthroughrain

So I have a friend T. I watch T's son D everyday while she goes to work. D is only one month younger than my little girl. They went to day care together. They are both 4. Now the thing is that D is not potty trained and won't do most things on his own. He doesn't put on his own shoes, sock, he doesn't do much of anything for himself.. but the biggest concern and the reason I need help is that D only speak if it is him repeating you. I'll ask him "D are you tired?" and he will respond (in a very low voice) "Are you tired" or "tired" and that is it. That is all it ever is. Tonight we experimented a bit to see if he would give an answer to anything and he didn't. I asked his name and he repeated the question. I said "are you four?" D says "Are you four?" I am worried for him. I just don't know how to approach T without trying to sound like I'm saying her child is not right.. I love D. I want what is best for him.. How do I bring this up to her without sounding like a jerk? I know she hasn't had him testing for anything.. she doesn't exactly take him to the doctor often so there isn't much chance of this being brought up to her before.. I know that my self as a parent wouldn't ever want to thing that my child may need help so I can imagine she may not think it is a big deal.. but I just don't know.. Maybe I am just bothered for no reason.. It just really worries me that he won't even say if he is hurt, hot, hungry, or anything at all.

Princess_Lily

Your friend may already noticed the difficulties, or doesn't and will have to see them one day. The way Brandi is phrasing the concern sounds great.

Also, maybe try working with him on modeling the correct words to explain something. Like, "I want _____, please." "I am mad because..." or in the case of the 4yo question... ask him, "How old are you?" Ask him to say, "I am four."

Alaws88

I have a daughter with autism.. I won't lie it was VERY hard to hear when people started noticing something wasn't quite right with her. But I am thankful I had caring people tell me because I knew deep down something was wrong. I was in such a denial that If I didn't have others address their concerns I probably wouldn't have sought professional help for her when I did. I think the best thing to do is to express your concerns to his mother in a respectful, loving, caring way. DON'T do it jokingly (like pp mentioned) I just don't agree with that.. Chances are she has noticed, and she may be quick to defend or shove it off. (I am coming from my own experiences.. I did that)
Bottom line is - yes definatly say something to her, keep in mind its heartbreaking for any parent to hear and accept. Show compassion, care, and that you will be there for her & him every step of the way. (It's amazing how many friends a parent who's child has autism will lose after the diagnoses)

...and who knows... Maybe he will be just fine in the end, and it was just some sort of phase. But it will show to your friend how much you really do care about them and only want the best for her son.

Best of luck!

Princess_Lily

It saddens me to hear that parents loose friends when a dx is given, frankly IMO those "friends" were never friends to begin with.

Conky3000

I don't have experience in this sort of situation, but I think if you address the specific speech issue in a sensitive way she might be less defensive. Like you could mention you're having a hard time getting him to answer questions, that he just repeats what you said (and then provide an example or two like you did here). Then you could ask if he does that with her or if maybe it's something he's just doing with you. Express it in a way that implies you're concerned about being able to meet his needs, not that you're concerned there's a deeper issue (even though you are). I think this would bring the issue to her attention but would not put her on the spot so much. I wouldn't push it at this point. If she's already worried and wants to open up to you, this will give her a chance, but if she's not ready she can not carry the conversation further but will hopefully still take it home and think about it.
I hope the wee man is okay.

funchicken

I agree with Auntie. Is she not taking him in for regular well visits? If she hasn't voiced her own fears or concerns to you, I wouldn't say anything.

id012

Im so sorry i flagged this post by accident. My figure was on the icon