timing dinner guests w/ 2

theuntaggablek

This may be a dumb question... since having kids, we've been often getting together w/friends for brunch or early dinner so we can do bedtime @ the usual time. But in an effort to keep up w/ some old friends, we invited them for dinner tomorrow @5. (My thinking was if we started early, less chance of baby meltdown& more time before S goes to bed.) The friends call today to see if we can make it 6. Normally nbd but now cutting into the fussy/ bedtime window. When s was little, we'd do dinner & then I'd put S down while dh talked w/guests & then we'd have dessert. But that's not possible w/two kids...dh usually grts S down bc baby often clusterfeeds 7-9.

So my question: How do we time this? Push back bedtime? Put S down early and eat afterwards? Something else?

I think I am stressed about this bc these friends have a spotless house, no kids, and no clue how hard it is to get bedtime & dinner accomplished w/2 little ones.

bosha711

I would say no, 6 doesn't work for us & see if they can stick to the original plan, or just reschedule.

I can picture it - they get there at 6, you BS for a while & by the time you sit to eat, the kids gotta get cleaned, changed, nursed & put to bed.

6 pm is prime clean up & get ready for bed time for us!!

You'd be putting in all the effort to clean your house & cook a dinner & then you won't be able to enjoy any of the time!

Pushing it back the hour pretty much takes away the good hour you'd have to enjoy your company.

Wow, I sound like a debbie downer, but honestly, I am so picky with the plans we choose to make b/c I have to evaluate whether all the effort will be worth my while!

jnicolen1

personally, i make all dinner plans for when the kids are already in bed.  i tell them we will be done getting the kids in bed and ready to hang out by XXX time.  that they are welcome to come earlier if they like and break open a bottle of wine.

stephy1221

Did they say why? If it was important I'd try to work with it. Would they be open to later? maybe 7 would work where DH could put the older one down and you can lay the food out buffet style and sit chat while nursing #1?

If it is a BS reason to push back the time I would push back with humor "6pm will be tough as the juggling act starts at 7, if you don't mind dinner and a show called chaos it is doable but 5 will allow more time for us to catch up" they would most likely get the hint.

babycakes

In this case, I'd do what bosha suggested.  I'd probably tell the friends that its not possible right now to start at 6pm and see if 5pm would still work for them.

tiffanyp

jnicolen1 said:

personally, i make all dinner plans for when the kids are already in bed.  i tell them we will be done getting the kids in bed and ready to hang out by XXX time.  that they are welcome to come earlier if they like and break open a bottle of wine.

I also try to schedule plans with childless friends so that most of the time the kids are in bed. I think it's nice for my friends to be able to see the kids while also getting some adult time in.

In general, I don't stress too much if there's a little chaos with dinner. Avery is pretty easy to put down these days. It helps that part of her nighttime ritual is watching a TV show, so if we're all eating dinner and she is clearly done and wants to go to bed, we just have to brush her teeth, put on her pajamas and plop her in front of the TV in the other room for 30 minutes. When her show is over we bring her upstairs and tuck her in. It's really not that disruptive. 

Can you lay out some appetizers and wine at 6:00 p.m. when they arrive and just hang out for a bit until after Seb goes to bed? If the baby is clusterfeeding during dinner, that's not a big deal, is it? I also always serve something that I can prepare in advance and just pop in the oven, like a casserole or lasagna, with side dishes that can be served cold or reheated in the microwave. 

If my friends also have kids then we do brunch or early dinner.

theuntaggablek

You guys are savvier than me. But it made me feel better that I'm not the only one who stresses about bedtime consistency. Maybe I'll try the dinner after bedtime thing next time. But Sebastian really loves these friends and I thought he'd fight bedtime if we tried that this time....or be so wound up it would take forever to get him down.
It ended up that every thing went fine. S got to bed a bit late (9 instead of 8), but slept late, too. And one of our guests read him bedtime stories.
I do think we probably need to work on less involved bedtime. With potty training and attention seeking post- new baby, it's become a 45 minute ordeal that requires vigilance, creativity, and patience in droves.