Siggy warning****Advice for helping a friend

HisChamaoleGirl

siggy warning.

 

I experienced a loss on Thanksgiving of last year and the ladies in this group as well as the TTCAL board helped me cope through the difficult time.

This time I am here asking for advice on how to help a friend. Her and her new husband announced their pregnancy at 3w and two days later she experienced clotting and cramping. I advised her to go to the ER but didn't until two days later. Once she arrived there her levels were in the high 700s.  They eliminated ectopic pregnancy, sent her home and said to follow up with her OB. Yesterday morning her husband and her toured three hospitals and interviewed two pediatricians before going to her follow up. She text me after to say that she had a missed m/c and she doesn't want to talk about it.

I'm not sure how to support her from across the country during this time when she doesn't want to talk about it. We have always sent each other cards and I'm wondering if sending one would be crossing a boundary since she doesn't want to talk about it. Would you be offended if you had experienced a loss, told someone you didn't want to talk about it, and then the person sent you a card? Thoughts ?

Carolee

I moved your warning to the post title too. Thank you for including one. If your friend said she didn't want to talk about it, I probably wouldn't send a card but I would email or text that you are sorry, thinking of her and you're always ready to listen if she changes her mind.

shandorfml2

I would reach out and let her know you are there for her, then back off and wait until she is ready. You might find more advice on the miscarriage board as we've had later losses. Good luck and sorry for your loss and your friend's.

HisChamaoleGirl

Carolee said:

I moved your warning to the post title too. Thank you for including one. If your friend said she didn't want to talk about it, I probably wouldn't send a card but I would email or text that you are sorry, thinking of her and you're always ready to listen if she changes her mind.

Thank you for the siggy warning move and the advice. I really appreciate it. I want to be a good friend and let her know I am here for her and give her the space she is asking for, but I am afraid if I give too much space then she's going to think I don't care.

HisChamaoleGirl

shandorfml2 said:

I would reach out and let her know you are there for her, then back off and wait until she is ready. You might find more advice on the miscarriage board as we've had later losses. Good luck and sorry for your loss and your friend's.

Thank you. I didn't realize there was a miscarriage board as this is where I came and received support during my loss. I will be sure to check there.

HisChamaoleGirl

rsigler said:

shandorfml2 said:

I would reach out and let her know you are there for her, then back off and wait until she is ready. You might find more advice on the miscarriage board as we've had later losses. Good luck and sorry for your loss and your friend's.

Thank you. I didn't realize there was a miscarriage board as this is where I came and received support during my loss. I will be sure to check there.

Siggy... I don't remember you, for some reason, and I was pretty active on this board for about 6 months following the loss of our DD last August. I think you may be getting this board mixed up with the M/PL board. Regardless, I think you're being a great friend by being so concerned. The card thing sounds like it could be a touchy issue, since she seems pretty shut down and private about her loss. I think if I were you, I would send her and email or text, letting her know that you're thinking about her and praying for her (if you're a religious person), and just let her know you're there for her. She may want to open up, or she may not. GL.

Thank you for the advice. My screen name was changed when the bump updated due to the special characters I had. Even if I am not remembered, I do appreciate the advice. Thanks again!