Giving my baby my Last name... Help

JJMSM

I haven't been on for 3months but since then iv decided to give my baby my last name, I do have good reasons why but I had a question for Ladies who have done this ..

I did want my Son to have his fathers last name but i don't want my son to carry a last name of a sucky person. I have had enough of his BS . Please help me with any advice you all have.

Would I have any problems in the future by doing this?

hannahlce

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

Lpegirl2013

I am giving my little girl my last name atleast until me and the father get married, I didn't want to rush into getting married even though we are together. If we get married in the future then we can always change her last name to his.

The only thing I would look into would be child support. I know baby doesn't have to have his last name but I just would look into the steps if you do need child support from the father.

JJMSM

Your exactly right, we are the ones doing all the work. I cant think of any problems i would have by doing this but theirs a lot of things i don't know so i just wanted to see what other Ladies had to say about me doing this. Thank u though

MEP923

I may be mistaken and I'm sorry if I am but I thought you just asked this question not that long ago? Sorry if I'm wrong. Either way though, I can only give you my experience. I gave my son my last name and it was the best decision I ever made. My son's father proved himself to be a very bad person in my pregnancy and he didn't deserve for my son to have his last name. The reason I say it was the best decision I ever made is because it would have been easy to change my son's last name to his father's if I changed my mind later (I never did) but it's much more of a hassle to change it back to your own once he has the father's name. Since my son had my last name I was also able to change my son's last name to my married name when I got married. The lawyer told me it would have been really hard if DS had his father's name but since it was mine it was no issue. DS's father has no participation in his schooling, medical care or anything so it is 10x easier that DS has been able to maintain my last name since I handle everything for him on my own.

eta: I just want to clarify after reading other comments that DS has my last name because I am the one doing all the work. If we were married or if his father was active in his life, he'd 100 percent have his father's name. That's something you need to figure out. When I say I do everything on my own, I mean everything. His father didn't show up when my son had surgery at the age of 3, he doesn't even know his teachers name or where his school is located, he doesn't know his doctors name or where she is located, etc etc etc... I was more than honored to give my son my husband's name though since he is the one that handles all of that for my son.

2010weddinggal

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

Yea it rubs me the wrong way as well, your married yet you do not want the kid you TWO made TOGETHER to have his last name? Your excuse is cause you did all the work no you did not it takes two to make a baby so he did some work as well.

SarahDavis83

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

Rubs me the wrong way too.  I don't know about anybody else, but my husband has done a lot of work!  First of all, he gave me his sperm... Couldn't have done this without that!  Plus, he has cleaned up my puke, rubbed my swollen ankles and calves, let me cry on the phone during the day to him while he's at work, and so on... He's worked really hard for this little one too!

ETA: wording

mightymousy

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

SweetPriz

I haven't had any problems so far broth my kids only have my last name and also im the only person on there birth certificate. Reason for that I was 16 when I had my first and that PERSON walked away shes (7) now the only thing is that if you ever want child support you would just have to take a DNA test and go from there. With my second his (4) he went to jail while I was preg yeah we were together but i was angry that he couldnt be there for me he wasnt too happy but it wasnt my fault he went to jail but we are still together now and were having our third and very excited

SarahDavis83

mightymousy said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

I was thinking the saaaame thing!  Was wondering if anyone else remembered...

jdllace

I agree it is much easier to give him your last name and change it later if you decided than the other way around. I made the mistake of giving my daughter my ex's last name and had to jump through all sorts of legal hoops to change it to mine even though he wasn't involved whatsoever. You won't regret it!

mightymousy

SarahDavis83 said:

mightymousy said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

I was thinking the saaaame thing!  Was wondering if anyone else remembered...

TB never forgets

frantastic12

SarahDavis83 said:

mightymousy said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

I was thinking the saaaame thing!  Was wondering if anyone else remembered...

I was too! 

It was actually only 2 months ago that you left us with quite an impression, OP. 

mightymousy

Heaven802002 said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

Did she? Tell me more.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9096171/how-my-bump-looks-laying-down#latest

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9096180/better-pic-my-baby-bump-laying-down#latest

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9096292/wolf-pack-of-the-same-ladies-haha#latest

notkateanymore

SarahDavis83 said:

mightymousy said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

I was thinking the saaaame thing!  Was wondering if anyone else remembered...

I'm too tired to remember...cliff notes!

notkateanymore

Cashingn2 said:

Hey ribboob!

Ribboob!!!!! I remember now. Yeah, OP, you suck. 

sporklemotion

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

I get that the OP has some resentment for the father here, but why is this different from or more flammable than giving the baby the father's name, which is what a lot of people do? We're hyphenating our child's name, but definitely discussed choosing one name (DH actually suggested using mine; I suggested using his). We've gotten side eyes for hyphenating, because we both have longer, more challenging names. So her last name will have 16 letters and 5 syllables. I don't agree with the "I did all the work" rationale, but can't jump on someone for wanting to pass on her name.

frankierokx

Ah I thought your name looked familiar 

MEP923

2010weddinggal said:

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

Yea it rubs me the wrong way as well, your married yet you do not want the kid you TWO made TOGETHER to have his last name? Your excuse is cause you did all the work no you did not it takes two to make a baby so he did some work as well.

And it's 9 months that you carry the baby. You realize you have the rest of your lives to equally work hard to raise this baby? That is just plain insulting to your husband.

KFED103

mightymousy said:

SarahDavis83 said:

mightymousy said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

I was thinking the saaaame thing!  Was wondering if anyone else remembered...

TB never forgets

Got that right! It's rib boob girl!

hjweber

RIBBOOB!!!  Oh, goody.  I'll never get that image out of my head.  

KFED103

crazy4mas9 said:

Cashingn2 said:

Hey ribboob!

Lol

I know! My day just instantly got better
:P

mightymousy

Just for the record too, everyone is assuming OP is married and basing their opinions on that, but she's never actually said that. She's only referred to him as the baby's father, and she's 19, so I'm guessing he's not her husband.

JJMSM

Thank Ladies for the Advice

& Ladies who remembered me, Hi . Not writing back to any of yall ,im 6 In half months pregnant the last thing I want is my son to feel the emotions yall are making me feel about opinions I had of yalls rude-ness . Nothing has obviously changed.

Hope you all have a great day, Thanks again to the ladies who gave me some advice.

MEP923

I knew she looked familiar! I remember this question being asked about a month ago so I figured it was her. Now I remember.

Ktrue85

I need an updated ribboob shot, STAT!

2010weddinggal

I'm talking about the comment the other married woman made

lollipoppoop

SarahDavis83 said:

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

Rubs me the wrong way too.  I don't know about anybody else, but my husband has done a lot of work!  First of all, he gave me his sperm... Couldn't have done this without that!  Plus, he has cleaned up my puke, rubbed my swollen ankles and calves, let me cry on the phone during the day to him while he's at work, and so on... He's worked really hard for this little one too!

ETA: wording

I know what you mean, my fiance is a saint and has basically been pregnant with me. 

2010weddinggal

They go through so much, who else is going to put up with us hormonal crazy women

MEP923

crazy4mas9 said:

I'm talking about the comment the other married woman made

Same

Reading back on my post I don't know if I was very clear. DS1's father and me were not married. He winded up being a big jerk so I gave my son my last name. If he had an active part of my son's life at all, my son would have is last name but he doesn't. My current husband has treated my son like his own since day 1 and when we got married, DS1 took on his last name. DS2 will also have his name. So pretty much I think if the father will have an active part of their life whether you are together or not, your child should have his last name. If not, then keep it your own. There is no reason for your kid to have someone's last name who isn't around.

Also, it is mind boggling to me that someone wouldn't give their kid their husband's name. But I guess to each their own.

lollipoppoop

I remember those pictures now, I had forgotten but dammit its back in my head.

Ktrue85

CitrusXoXo said:

I remember those pictures now, I had forgotten but dammit its back in my head.

It cannot be unseen.

adawn1981

Please do not put the riboob pic in his baby book.

adawn1981

Also OP - you should send the riboob picture to your sucky baby daddy and remind him what he is missing out on.

Amazing450

My son, first born has my last name. I got pregnant accidentally by someone who has never been in my son's life. I am now married and my husband is in the process of adopting my son and then he will get my husband's last name.

northport6

mightymousy said:

Heaven802002 said:

Funny, you insulted the women of this board, but here you are asking for help.

Did she? Tell me more.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9096171/how-my-bump-looks-laying-down#latest

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9096180/better-pic-my-baby-bump-laying-down#latest

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9096292/wolf-pack-of-the-same-ladies-haha#latest

OMG thank you for linking because I got to relive @Soozerella and @Cashingn2's UNBELIEVABLY FUNNY responses to the ribboob posts.

P.S. "I used Google Translate" is just...it's just genius.  I can't stop laughing.

hannahlce

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

I guess I meant that as a sort of joke. My last name was hyphened growing up, but my mom's family sucks and I'm not terribly proud of them, so I dropped that from my name. So on top of being attached to sucky family, it caused a lot of problems in school records, getting my driver's license, etc, so personally, I hated having a hyphenated name. My hubsters dad kind of sucks and is being really rude about this whole name thing, and I don't really want to have the baby attached to that. The work thing was really more of joke. 

I should note that we're still in the process of deciding exactly how to do this. For example, I wouldn't necessarily object to using his mom's last name. It's a lot of give and take, I guess.

hannahlce

sporklemotion said:

crazy4mas9 said:

I don't know why it would cause any problems. I don't have the same last name as my hubs, and I really want the baby to have my last name instead of his. I mean, I'm the one doing all the work.

This rubs me wrong. It shouldn't matter who does all the work. You and your husband are married. Why not a hyphen? OP, you shouldn't have any problems using your last name.

I get that the OP has some resentment for the father here, but why is this different from or more flammable than giving the baby the father's name, which is what a lot of people do? We're hyphenating our child's name, but definitely discussed choosing one name (DH actually suggested using mine; I suggested using his). We've gotten side eyes for hyphenating, because we both have longer, more challenging names. So her last name will have 16 letters and 5 syllables. I don't agree with the "I did all the work" rationale, but can't jump on someone for wanting to pass on her name.

Hey thanks for not flaming me! I just posted something apologizing if it rubbed someone the wrong way. That was just a joke. Apparently not a good one. Oh well!

northport6

Soozerella said:

Cashingn2 said:

If it makes anyone feel better, I could not care less what last name anyone gives their child.

Anja Eleanor Wienerhead

Luckily, it's pronounced VEE-nerhead.

mh89

I don't care which last name you use - the baby's fathers or yours - BUT DONT HYPHENATE. Please.

I had a hyphenated last name (my parents were married but my mom wanted to "pass on" her last name to me...............). It was so annoying growing up. Most credit card companies won't allow hyphens on their cards, I had problems with school records and driver's licenses and when spelling out my name over the phone. 

Let me give you an example of a phone conversation I've had MANY times:

Rep: Name?

Me: Molly Lastname hypen Lastname

Rep: What?

Me: Molly Lastname hypen Lastname *spells it out*

Rep: How do you spell hyphen?

Me: ...It's just a dash. Two last names separated by a dash.

Rep: So which one is your last name?

Me: *facepalm*

(or the one time when the person I was talking to didn't know what a dash was either so I had to explain that it was the horizontal line on their keyboard to the right of the zero key. FFS!)

It was such a hassle. I really wanted to change my last name to just my dad's surname in elementary school, but the legal process was a huge pain so I didn't. I was so excited to finally have ONE last name when I married DH. 

ps. Sup ribboob girl! Thanks for reminding me why I was a lurker in the early days of Dec '13 rather than a poster.

thesportsgal

Now that Ribboob is here, we can bring back Sexy Pic Saturday!  There's nothing like a group of 6 to 7 month pregnant women bringing sexy back!