WWPD?

NativeFloridian

I've had a longtime friend (we've known each other 10+ years) who, in the last three or four years, I've really grown apart from.  We hang out now and then and are able to feel at ease and have a fun time together but when we're not hanging out I get the distinct impression that the way she behaves with me does not correspond with how she actually feels about me.  Take today as an example.  I'm not normally the type to assume a status update is about me but I feel like hers this morning was pretty obvious.  I think I was lumped in with a handful of people about whom the status was written, but still.  She said she'd probably get on Facebook more if the tagging feature allowed for filtering out things she doesn't want to read about, such as childbirth and childhood, One Direction, and American Exceptionalism.

Now, I've probably posted about One Direction on Facebook a total of three or four times since my fangirling began, so not often at all, but I'm the only one in my group of friends, that I know of anyway, who likes One Direction.  So...yeah.

Which brings me to my question.  This girl and I were inseparable friends at one point, but we've also had major misunderstandings and have fallen out twice over the past 10 years.  It seems we may be headed down that road again.  I'm hesitant to confront her about it because she has a right to her opinion, but a) she is on a public forum, b) her attitude comes off as being very, "I feel I'm better than you because you talk about things I think are stupid," and c) I dislike the feeling that she may be...well, two-faced.  I don't really know where to go from here.  Just let it ride and probably not speak anymore?  Delete from Facebook?  Just hide her posts? How would you guys handle this situation?

OhSewCrafty

If it were me, I'd confront her. I dealt with enough stressful two faced crap in high school to deal with it as an adult. I know I'd be wondering about it every time we hung out. If you ask, you'll get an answer and can go from there. Life is too short to surround yourself by anyone who doesn't truly like and support you.

Libby1978

I would let it go.  You have grown apart.  It happens.  Just delete her from FB or hide her post.

littlestjerry

Just let her drift out of your life.

ReeseFox

I just want to point out that just because you're the only one in YOUR group of friends that likes 1D, doesn't mean she doesn't have anyone else on HER newsfeed that posts about them. Unless your friends lists are identical, which I doubt.

ETA: If even if she was talking about your 1D posts, why is that such a big deal? All she basically said is she would like to hide topics that don't interest her. She didn't condemn anybody who is interested in those things.

ILoveBoys

It's also quite possible that she has other people on her friends list that you don't know, who post about One Direction as well.

NativeFloridian

@ReeseFox @ILoveBoys - What you're saying could be true, but I doubt it.  We share many mutual friends and run in the same large circle of people who've lived in our town all their lives just like us.  Most of her out of state friends are WoW pals or family members who are mostly older.  Our network of friends and acquaintances is comprised mainly of hipster-ish sorts who tend to be snobs about...well, everything.  I'd be pleasantly surprised if it was someone else she was referring to.

I think I'm gonna take the "let the drifting happen" route.  It is what it is.  Like I said before, she's entitled to her opinion.  As long as I know how she really feels it's whatever.

NativeFloridian

Brandi Bee said:

She did mention other things than what you posted.  Maybe you aren't the only person who posts things that get on her nerves.  I wouldn't let it bother you.  There's nothing wrong with her finding certain things annoying, but she has the option to hide you and if she doesn't, it's her fault.

Yeah, she definitely was referring to other people as well.  I can think of at least one other person who she was targeting with the status update so it definitely wasn't all about me.  Honestly, my reactionary path looked something like this:

"What?  I barely EVER post about 1D.  She must have been on my profile and scrolling way far back, dude.  But I do post about my kids a lot."

Then,  "Wait, why am I so mad?  Oh, right, because she's calling me out with a group of other people and I was under the impression that she accepts me for who I am."

Then, "Yeah, it's my Facebook and I'll post what I want to.  Facebook does have a filter option.  It's called the 'hide' button."

ASmallWonder

Personally I think you're way overreacting.  You think because she doesn't like 1D she doesn't accept you the way you are?  Accepting someone the way they are doesn't mean you have to like what they like or that you even want to discuss what they like.  My brother is a vegetarian and very into current events, the environment, etc.  He posts things on his FB that don't interest me in the slightest and I skip them.  That doesn't mean I don't accept him for who he is because those things interest him.

Rach21

I can kinda see why it's irritating because it's passive aggressive (which I hate). But she probably put her foot in her mouth and didn't think about you being able to see her post. You can either hide it, or you can mark her as an acquaintance so you don't see as much of her.

I side-eye all of my friends who post freaking paragraphs in their FB statuses... but I keep them around because aside from reading a novel every time they post, I'm interested in their lives. I love them. If she REALLY didn't care for you anymore, she'd just unfriend you. So just take it with a grain of salt, let her take the lead if the friendship is drifting, and go about your day.

NativeFloridian

elmoali said:

Personally I think you're way overreacting.  You think because she doesn't like 1D she doesn't accept you the way you are?  Accepting someone the way they are doesn't mean you have to like what they like or that you even want to discuss what they like.  My brother is a vegetarian and very into current events, the environment, etc.  He posts things on his FB that don't interest me in the slightest and I skip them.  That doesn't mean I don't accept him for who he is because those things interest him.

You've missed my point entirely.  It isn't about liking the same things.  It's her attitude.  Today's example was merely one of many passive-aggressive posts and comments she makes wherein she displays he disdain for people who aggravate her with their tendency to reproduce and share about their families, or for men, or for people who don't share her political interests, etc.  It's about being called out for posting about something I like on my Facebook because it aggravates her to see it.  I don't give two shits if we like the same things, obviously, because I've been friends with her for over ten years.

NativeFloridian

Rach21 said:

I can kinda see why it's irritating because it's passive aggressive (which I hate). But she probably put her foot in her mouth and didn't think about you being able to see her post. You can either hide it, or you can mark her as an acquaintance so you don't see as much of her.

I side-eye all of my friends who post freaking paragraphs in their FB statuses... but I keep them around because aside from reading a novel every time they post, I'm interested in their lives. I love them. If she REALLY didn't care for you anymore, she'd just unfriend you. So just take it with a grain of salt, let her take the lead if the friendship is drifting, and go about your day.

I'll accept this foot in mouth theory, I suppose.  I don't agree with a lot of what she posts but I give a shit about her so I have dealt with it and hidden whatever particularly annoyed me.  I figured that went both ways, I didn't see the necessity for a callout.  Especially since I haven't been guilty of committing my particular Facebook transgression for quite some time.

Like I said, I'm alright with just staying the course, whatever it happens to be.  It makes more sense than reciprocating with another callout.