declining a baby shower invitation

Kc101212

I was invited to my SIL's baby shower next month. I actually legitimately can't attend, I will be out of town for work with DH.

Long story short, DH and I do not get along at all with SIL. She's still harboring bad feelings about our weddings being five months apart, and now our LO's are due two months apart. SIL cried when she found out we were expecting and DH's mother was upset we didn't tell her we were planning, never congratulated us. I wouldn't want to go as his mother and sisters are generally offended by my presence, but I know they will be highly offended I'm not attending the shower. The RSVP is to email SIL's best-friend, who I've only met once but seemed nice. I keep trying to write an email declining, but every time I start writing, I over-think it being taken the wrong way. I don't have the best-friend's number or I would call. 

Any thoughts on an appropriate baby shower decline email?

moosebaby2011

Just make it brief and say that you are really sorry that you can't attend, but you will be out of town for work and unfortunately cannot reschedule. Don't get into too many details - your SIL's BFF really only needs a head count. I'd also go ahead and send a nice shower gift, too.

LuGal623

Short and sweet.  Either way you won't find the perfect wording since there's always been tension between you two.  Nothing you can do about it but at least decline rather than being a no call-no show.  Good luck!

PreDempsey

She sounds like a real peach!

Deblondie1

strudel82 said:

Keep it simple and don't over explain ... they'll read into it too much. "So sorry, I'll be out of town that day with DH for work. Have fun!" and then send a gift.

Yup this.

Dishylo

esd said:

Just make it brief and say that you are really sorry that you can't attend, but you will be out of town for work and unfortunately cannot reschedule. Don't get into too many details - your SIL's BFF really only needs a head count. I'd also go ahead and send a nice shower gift, too.

This. Exactly. I have SIL issues and all you can do is be polite in family/social settings. You have a legitimate reason for not attending and if you send a gift anyway they can't hold that against you.

Ditto on the SIL issues and the comments above. 

angiek1

strudel82 said:

Keep it simple and don't over explain ... they'll read into it too much. "So sorry, I'll be out of town that day with DH for work. Have fun!" and then send a gift.

This - sounds like no matter what you do it'll be wrong. So just send an email to the BFF.  Can you deliver a gift to your SIL prior to the shower in person (DH goes with you)? Or if they are really offended by your presence just send a gift.

Kc101212

@PreDempsey some rotten peaches they are! 

Thanks ladies, that was really helpful and the support definitely helped to get past the over thinking!