In serious need of advice from dads, and maybe moms too. Feeling desperate. — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

In serious need of advice from dads, and maybe moms too. Feeling desperate.

Greetings all. I am a few weeks away from having a baby girl, which is fantastic, but I am struggling terribly with the mom. The pregnancy was unplanned and happened very early in our relationship, and that put tremendous strain on us as a new couple (though we were head over heels in love). After struggling for quite a while, my ex announced that we were now split up, and promptly broke off all contact with me. This is despite the fact that we had spent four months working towards being a family. I'm hardly perfect, but I worked my ass off to support her in every way I could, and I have continued to offer whatever I can, but she simply refuses to communicate. She would probably argue with this assessment, but I think she is struggling with serious mental illness (I won't go through all the reasons I think this, but there are many). I don't know where she's delivering, I have no idea if my daughter is healthy and on track, and I'm kind of falling apart. Months ago, she said we could work on a parenting plan after the baby is born, but she has gone back on her word a number of times, and I'm operating in a total information vacuum. My mom called her mom (no response), I called her dad (no response), and I have tried talking with her best friend, who told me that my ex had specifically asked her not to respond to me.  

I have worked with a mediator (she asked me to hire one, then refused to see him), and he has suggested I hire a private detective to figure out if she is still even in the city and what her plans are. That feels batshit crazy to me, but I really am desperate. I know just saying this doesn't mean much, but I'm a really good human being, and I know I can be a great father to this child, and loving and providing for my daughter is far and away my highest priority. If anyone has any thoughts or resources you would be willing to share, I would be very thankful.

Re: In serious need of advice from dads, and maybe moms too. Feeling desperate.

  • You don't need a mediator or a PI you need the best divorce lawyer that deals with children to make sure that you get your time with your daughter.  This will most likely involve a DNA test to make sure that the child is yours.  Even though you are not married, this is an issue that a divorce lawyer who has experience with visitation etc is key.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • polooo26 said:

    Get a lawyer. That's all you can really do. Good luck.

    Yep. Lawyer up.
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
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  • Gonna have to agree with the rest of the guys.  The best you can do is get a lawyer....and maybe a few friends to help support/talk you through this.
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