Husband not understanding

KatieMarie730

Sooo my husband has been getting super frustrated with me and my pregnancy. He complains I'm too tired and moody. Gets irritated when I say I can't or don't want to eat things I used to whether its for health reasons or a food aversion. He's not seeming to get what I'm going through. I've had morning sickness every morning unless I eat crackers the second my alarm goes off, and he's usually gone before I wake up until the other day when my munching woke him. He was like why are you eating in bed?! Man. I feel like such a complainer lately, but it feels like no one around me I deal with daily understands. How or when will he start to get it?! I go for my first appointment next week. I'm hoping we'll hear the heart beat for the first time and maybe that'll make it kick in. Ugh. Is anyone else experiencing this? My hubby is usually so understanding and compassionate and now he's being a butt.

Rrrrrachel

This is my second pregnancy and my husband still doesn't get it!

Israfel

Sorry to hear your DH is being a pill.... I do have to say though that reading these types of stories makes me appreciate my patient DH all that much more!

MalyJ

I wish that just for a few days they could experience what we do. The exhaustion, constant uneasy stomach, non-stop worry, and everything else. Just for a day.

AcaAwkward

I'm sorry he's being such a butthead.

I remember my DH being super doting my first pregnancy, but now it's a little "been there, done that" and he seems to have a lower tolerance for his wife feeling like ass all the time. Which sucks because I'm way sicker than I was with DD. although I'm sure I'm not all that fun to be around. I'm sick of being sick and somewhat worthless too!

Hang in there!

thompson26

I'm sorry he isn't being understanding. ((Hugs))

Eija3014

I feel your pain! My boyfriend sometimes has a compassionate whim and will be sweet for a day or so but for the most part, he is really struggling with understanding the changes I'm going through. He actually told me "you're barely even pregnant" lol so obviously he doesn't understand that I don't feel "barely pregnant".
I think since men aren't exactly compassionate and empathetic in the first place by nature, and then we add in mood swings, morning sickness, added stress and responsibility, and other inconveniences to the dad-to-be it is really hard for them to understand what in the world is wrong with us! Lol I think it takes men SO MUCH longer to get used to the idea that a baby is coming, while we accept and embrace the fact as soon as we see the positive test.

kateleestar

These stories make me appreciate my DH more.. And also make me wonder... Do you ladies say anything when your SO's are sucking? Like anything? I'll be damned if I'm knocked up by him and feeling like death warmed over and he's complaing about me feeling sick? LOL. Oh.. That'd be the day! Hah! Goodness, must go hug DH.

mickany

At your first appointment they should go over how your feeling and what to expect and what you can and can't eat and what you can no longer do. Maybe he will understand more then. Maybe call ahead of time and let the nurses know of the issue so they can help him better understand. My husband has been super sweet and helping. He is putting me in limits to what I can lift around the house and he is on me about eating when I really could barf. Your husband will come around. Oh yeah and I apologized ahead of time for my actions in the next 7 months lol.

Rrrrrachel

I think it's hard for people to understand the first trimester because you don't visibly look any different. People get nicer as you get bigger

Kristy774

My friends and I always say the 1st trimester is the hardest and that's when no one knows your pregnant and aren't so understanding. After your 1 st trimester, your body is used to all if the changes, its adjusted to the hormones so your not soooo emotional but your showing so everyone seems so much more understanding then which is sucky because I've always needed the most help in the 1st trimester!

Kyllarae

I'm so grateful my boyfriend is being so wonderful. He jokes around and says he'll carry baby #2 so I won't have to go through this again lol. It's my mom that's being just as your husband is, op!

Rrrrrachel

LalaMama81 said:

Rrrrrachel said:

I think it's hard for people to understand the first trimester because you don't visibly look any different. People get nicer as you get bigger

While this is true, if I tell my husband I'm exhausted/nauseous/feeling crappy, etc. I expect him to believe me and help accordingly. 

I'm not arguing with you there, don't get me wrong.

AcaAwkward

kateleestar said:

These stories make me appreciate my DH more.. And also make me wonder... Do you ladies say anything when your SO's are sucking? Like anything? I'll be damned if I'm knocked up by him and feeling like death warmed over and he's complaing about me feeling sick? LOL. Oh.. That'd be the day! Hah! Goodness, must go hug DH.

Eh, nothing my DH is doing is rude or mean -- he's not making snide comments or complaining outloud. It's just different this time than it was the first. Pregnancy is no longer new or mysterious to either of us, and while we're both excited about this baby, we're so busy with DD (and him with work) that I think it's easy for him to forget I'm pregnant. Hell, I forget I'm pregnant all the time, even with the constant nausea.

DIY7

I'll happily send you Dh for a day. He will worship you. 

Pehrie

I'm definitely right there with you ladies. I love my husband so incredibly much, but he is driving me bananas. I'm sure that he is trying, but his patience is really low. I try to keep my complaining to a minimum, but this is my first pregnancy and I seriously feel like I have had the worst flu ever for the past three weeks. Then, if I snip at him because he is being too loud (vacuuming, watching television, or playing video games) when I am trying to nap (I don't sleep at night anymore), he gets this awful hurt look on his face and sulks for an hour afterwards. I love him so incredibly much, and I know he is trying, but I need his skin to thicken up already!!!

joyfullyfound

AcaAwkward said:

I'm sorry he's being such a butthead. I remember my DH being super doting my first pregnancy, but now it's a little "been there, done that" and he seems to have a lower tolerance for his wife feeling like ass all the time. Which sucks because I'm way sicker than I was with DD. although I'm sure I'm not all that fun to be around. I'm sick of being sick and somewhat worthless too! Hang in there!

This is exactly me. Pretty much to the T... 

CalinAZ

Sorry you're dealing with this! My DH hasn't been that bad, but he did give me a hard time last night when I was eating peanut butter in bed. He told me I should feel free to go eat in the kitchen. I told him he should feel free to be grateful I was carrying his child (or something to that affect - I probably wasn't so eloquent at 2:30 in the morning). 

Hope he gets better.

NicoleAnne416

Sorry you're dealing with this. My DH has always tried to understand, but when I went from being pretty picky with what I ate (mostly whole foods) and working out etc to feeling awful and only wanting bad carbs and workouts dwindling (hopefully for not much longer) I think he took me more seriously this time around.

GoldenGibson

I know what you mean! I feel like my DH thinks all I do is complain and for no reason. I've been hoping he would step up and graciously take on more chores so that I could rest but when I ask him to do a few things he usually responds with "And what are YOU going to be doing while I'm doing all that?" Pregnancy is not easy for either of us bc he just doesn't get it and is very unsympathetic which infuriates me. He's not really one to dote. He did bring me home I've cream without me asking last night which a step in the right direction!

C2B2

That is awful!! I feel fortunate to have my husband been pretty understanding. Except yesterday when I was nauseous all day and he made me go for a walk with him. He literally followed me around the house telling me it was time to change out of my work clothes and put my sneakers on because we were going for a walk. I just wanted to lay on the couch and feel sorry for myself. But he did let me complain the entire 2 miles, periodically reminding me it's for my own good. I didn't feel any more or less sick by the end. It's not like he was wrong... And I did lay on the couch while he made dinner.

Asljoc

That sucks! My DH was starting to get that way, not understanding my need to nap, not being hungry, etc... And then this weekend my nausea intensified. I threw up all weekend. He's suddenly turned into an angel. I think it scared him. Lol

redwidow

My husband didn't believe me how awful the morning sickness is until he saw me super sick.  He also thought I was milking it with the napping and smell aversions until we announced our pregnancy to our family and close friends.  He started hearing stories from other dads about their experiences and now he is much more understanding.

jlbergeron

My sweet boyfriend is being attentive and very kind to me.  So far, I haven't had any MS and I am 10W4D so I am hoping I skipped out on all that "joy."

BF and I don't live together yet so I am still on my own to do cleaning and cooking at my house so I am excited once he moves in later this year to help.

I do have a feeling though as I progress in my pregnancy, he will be as attentive.


My 2nd appt is today and we will finally announce publicly this week I am pregnant!  I can't wait for that!


Oh and my BF (we are both in our 30's) has an app on his phone and details the changes my body and stuff are going thru so I think reading it helps him understand more.

snowclouds

With my first pregnancy, I read an article that explained this so my hubby could get it.  It said that even lying or sitting on the couch our bodies are working as hard as we were running a marathon.

Hubby is definitely less attentive this time around since we have so much more to do with DS around, but he still tries.

Send him weekly updates about what's going on with the baby to get him clued in.

rlmanning

I replied to a simalar post early on in our board about this. My first pregnancy my DH was the SAME. EXACT. WAY! He thought I was depressed and that is why I slept so much. He kept telling me I needed to go for a walk at night and maybe that would help my energy level. So before my first appointment with my dr. I wrote down all the issues my DH was having with my pregnancy symptoms. When the Dr. asked us if we had any questions, I said yes I do. I pulled out my list and continued to ask the Dr., Is it normal to be tired all the time? Is it normal to not have an appetite and be grossed out by food in general? So on and so forth. My Dr. gave us the answers that I knew was correct but at least it solidified it for DH. After the appointment he told me, Ok Ok I get it, what you are going through is normal. I wont give you crap about it anymore.:)

This time around he is much more understanding and he even said last night, I am going to ask the Dr. when the hell will she get her energy back? I dont remember from the first one. ;-) We both laughed about it.

Good luck!

nicole mackenzie

My DH had been great for the most part, but he was driving the other day and I needed to puke. I panicked and could only find a paper bag. I wanted him to pull over but he didn't..,

I puked all over myself and through the paper bag...

Hopefully next time he'll get it and pull over.

I hope your husband starts to understand better. Try to explain it to him. How you feel, why eating before getting up helps, why when you need him to pull over he needs to STAT etc. good luck!

dmosquera4

Yes me too.... My husband doesn't understand and thinks I'm just making everything up.... And get frustrated when he ask what I want to eat because literally everything gives me nausea ughhhh

EnFuego12

My DH goes through spurts.  Sometimes he's AWESOME and sometimes he has no sympathy whatsoever.  It's got to be hard for them though, they really have no clue.

KatieMarie730

Well folks. Definitely had a chat with the DH. read him some dad tips in my pregnancy book. He apologized and felt really bad. He thought I was being a drama queen ( cause I can be) he's been much better!!! Cleaned up after dinner, brought me a new pack of crackers in bed this AM and kiss baby this morning before leaving. Guess he just needed to hear he was being a turd.

sking72

My boyfriend got mad at me the other day because I ordered a pizza after waiting for him to make breakfast for three hours. He said I only eat crap and need to eat better and all I said was it takes you an hour at least to cook, I've been hungry for three hours and you know I need to eat when I'm hungry or ill start heaving. So I took matters in my own hands and ordered what the baby wanted! Hmph!

NJPita22

Oh man I have had both vomiting and diarrhea with this pregnancy since week 4 or 5 and poor DD has to sit in the bathroom with me and watch me. One time I told her to open every single cabinet and drawer while mommy got sick. She said ok. Another time she sat on my lap and held my neck... It's terrible it makes me want to cry and then DH would come home and I would tell her to hang with him and literally scream at him to watch her and feed her and he's like can't I rest for 30 minutes?? Yeah what's that like?! Cause I'm sick all morning all day at work all evening and work and take care of a 19 month old while vomiting diarrhea extreme exhaustion. I fing need 5 min!!!!

Well this weekend he got food poisoning and was vomiting and diarrhea. I told him "can't I just have 30 minutes?" While he was "dying" on the bed. I think he got the hint.

Also I now know why we can't eat uncooked or not well cooked food

MamaFantastic

maybe my husband is just a nice guy, or maybe i've put the fear of God in him about ever crossing me while pregnant....  it's debatable ....  but he knows better than to tell me i'm overreacting or being dramatic or whiny.

OP, i'm glad you had a good discussion with him!

LittleLady77

When I first started having symptoms DH made some comment like"You aren't even big yet".  I freaked out and made him read a book and blogs about early pregnancy.  I also had him ask his sister and SIL what it's like.  After I made him do his homework he is super nice!

Erikahenderson1

Oh man that makes me feel super bad for you. My husband is a little bit more understanding, but I took him to the doctor with me for an appointment where she explained that I have "a lot of the pregnancy hormone" which explains why I am so tired and having a hard time keeping anything down. For some reason hearing it from a doctor made him a little more sympathetic. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty! Crazy stuff is happening inside you, some people take it better than others. And some people are just as miserable as you are. You are perfectly normal.