I'm a bad girl and didn't take your advice.

stacynikki

I'd really rather not have DS's birthday party at our house because we just had Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.  I'm not sure I'm up to hosting so soon again.  We also had DS's party at our house last year and it was so boring.  Besides, if we have our kids parties together then at least I'll get to be a part of her son's birthday as well.  So I decided to email her.  What do you think?  The place is big enough that we don't have to deal with each other and the kids can still be together and we can be a part of each other's kids birthdays.

Regardless of whatever issues you and I have I don't want to drag our kids in the middle of it.  I still want to be a part of J, C, and A's lives and I hope that you want to be a part of Liam's. 

 

With that said do you still want to have A's and Liam's birthday party together?  I was thinking of Ready, Set, Play.  Maybe the ??th or ??st at ???pm.  We could split the cost and bring some pizza and sodas for the kids.  If not then I'll just have Liam's party at my house and mom and dad can bring the kids.  Either way let me know.

kevschickee2

you are right the kids shouldnt be put in the middle of it

jessicaclare

I agree that the kids don't need to be in the middle of it, but this seems sort of self serving. This isn't about your kids not seeing one another, its about you saving a buck and having a birthday party. I guess I just dno't understand. If I was THAT angry with my sibling to "break up" with her, I wouldn't go back and ask her to do me a favor and split a room for a birthday party. It seems like a total double standard to me.

Starr_Mom

I think you did the right thing by putting your feelings aside and trying to work out the birthday thing. I just hope that your sister will be the same way.

Starr_Mom

jessicaclare:

I agree that the kids don't need to be in the middle of it, but this seems sort of self serving. This isn't about your kids not seeing one another, its about you saving a buck and having a birthday party. I guess I just dno't understand. If I was THAT angry with my sibling to "break up" with her, I wouldn't go back and ask her to do me a favor and split a room for a birthday party. It seems like a total double standard to me.

Self serving/saving money or not, I think it's best that they try to act normal for their kids' sake.

jessicaclare

Starr_Mom:

jessicaclare:

I agree that the kids don't need to be in the middle of it, but this seems sort of self serving. This isn't about your kids not seeing one another, its about you saving a buck and having a birthday party. I guess I just dno't understand. If I was THAT angry with my sibling to "break up" with her, I wouldn't go back and ask her to do me a favor and split a room for a birthday party. It seems like a total double standard to me.

Self serving/saving money or not, I think it's best that they try to act normal for their kids' sake.

To me "acting normal" would be still inviting them to parties and making sure your kids have playdates, etc. I just don't understand how you can ask someone for a favor after telling them you don't want them in your life anymore.

stacynikki

You are absolutely right in that is self serving and it is to save some money...but at the root of it I have been a part of her kids lives since the day her oldest son was born.  I still want to be a part of her kids lives even if I don't want anything to do with her.  So my self serving part is that I can be a part of her son's birthday even if she usually wants nothing to do with mine.  Because if she has a party for her son at her house, which she'll do if we don't do it this way, then I know without a doubt that I won't be invited. 

DandR

and its apparent that unless she agrees to this, you aren't inviting her to your house for the birthday party.

Sorry, but this sounds pretty immature.....

 

jessicaclare

stacynikki:

You are absolutely right in that is self serving and it is to save some money...but at the root of it I have been a part of her kids lives since the day her oldest son was born.  I still want to be a part of her kids lives even if I don't want anything to do with her.  So my self serving part is that I can be a part of her son's birthday even if she usually wants nothing to do with mine.  Because if she has a party for her son at her house, which she'll do if we don't do it this way, then I know without a doubt that I won't be invited. 

That's sad that she would do that. I'm sorry. DH and his brother were not speaking for quite awhile over summer and into fall, but we still tried very hard to make sure our kids saw each other.

stacynikki

She wouldn't come anyway if we have L's party at my house.  That's why I said my parents could bring the kids.  And it's why I think we should have the party at this place so that we don't have to be in close proximity to each other but can still participate in each other's kids birthdays. 

I know it's immature but you have no idea the things she has done in the last three years.  I'm the one that's constantly hurt by her behavior and that's why I've, in essense, ended all contact with her.  I'm just trying to come up with a way that I can still be involved in her kids lives.  In reality, it would be impossible to cut each other completely out of each other's lives because of my parents and brother and the kids, but I'm just cutting her drama out of my life.

LeoChic

Gosh, I don't know.  I see it both ways.  On the one hand, changing the kid's party because of the feud doesn't seem fair to the kids.  And it's good that you seem to really want to continue your relationship with the children.  I just wonder how realistic that really is given the relationship you have with their mother.

But on the other hand, it also seems like the truth behind all of this is that you would like to have your kids party away from home but can't afford it.  And this is your way of keeping your original plans.

In the end, do in your gut what you feel is right.  Just make sure that through the process you remain honest to yourself.