Does anyone else have this "arrangement" with SO?

mrs.schmitty

Sorry to be a post whore today....(do people still say that or is that just a really old school Nest thing? any who, onto my actual question).... yesterday's UO thread got me wondering....

I feel like SO and I have somewhat of an unspoken arrangement that when he gets home from work, he is responsible for DS and it's time for mommy to open a bottle of wine/break into a six pack and relax. Obvs, I don't get silly drunk in front of DS, but after being home all day with a 2 year old, it's nice to get my buzz on after he goes to bed.

I kind of assumed this was normal. Is that not the case?

shibby00

Not here. It's 50/50 when he gets home. He takes 1 kid and I take the other. I like your arrangement, tho. I'd like to switch to that, mmmkay?

CinemaGoddess

We switch days.  One night, DH is responsible for the girls, the next night I am. 

LadyXaverian

Not exactly. I'm not a SAHM, but in the evening, DH, DD, and I spend time all 3 of us together, but each of us spends some time alone with her so the other parent can have time to breathe, too. Neither of us gets our "buzz on" during that time, but we do get some time to ourselves. Once she goes to bed, we have some alone time together.

CurlyQ284

When we get home from work, DH watches DS while I make dinner. Then he does dishes and gets his bottles ready for daycare while I bathe DS and play. Then DS goes to bed and we relax together.

LaceFace14

I'm a SAHM until December but that's not our arrangement. We've always shared evening responsibilities a d relax after they're in bed. No drinking though. Neither of us drinks regularly.

theseaword

Is this SAHM specific? We both work full time.

Sadly, DH doesn't typically get home until DS is already in bed. We're working on fixing that.  If he is home, we both play, feed, bathe him together. 

mrs.schmitty

Haha. I guess I should clarify that I don't just lock myself in a separate room and drink alone. We usually all have dinner together and hang out until DS' bedtime. Then DH and I hang out together, watch TV, talk about our days. It's just that during this time, I will often have a couple of drinks knowing that DH will take the lead with DS so I can get a break.  

shadypines

We switch days.

NativeFloridian

It's about 50/50 when SO is home.  That's because we consider each other as having full time jobs (his being in the workforce, mine being with the kids), so we don't want to undermine how tired the other is by foisting the kids on them after a long, hard day.

We each have two nights a week when the one will take on 100% of the kids' care for 2 or so hours while the other goes to their "thing" (his is open mic night, mine is derby), and we try to get out for date nights when possible, though we're sorta broke so we usually just stay home.

It's working out so far.

LuckyDad

mrs.schmitty said:

Sorry to be a post whore today....(do people still say that or is that just a really old school Nest thing? any who, onto my actual question).... yesterday's UO thread got me wondering....

I feel like SO and I have somewhat of an unspoken arrangement that when he gets home from work, he is responsible for DS and it's time for mommy to open a bottle of wine/break into a six pack and relax. Obvs, I don't get silly drunk in front of DS, but after being home all day with a 2 year old, it's nice to get my buzz on after he goes to bed.

I kind of assumed this was normal. Is that not the case?

We only have one child, so yeah, typically when I get home from work I'm responsible for DS until bedtime. It gives me ~1-2 hours of face time with him. If I get home early enough we eat dinner as a family.

The downside is, DW doesn't quite understand why after getting up with DS, working all day, then putting DS down, I just don't have any energy to hang out with her in the evenings. I just want to zone out, play video games, or read a book. Even watching TV doesn't do it for me... our couch kinda sucks and there's no way for me to lie down if she's on it.

mrs.schmitty

TwilightMV said:

Is this SAHM specific? We both work full time.

Sadly, DH doesn't typically get home until DS is already in bed. We're working on fixing that.  If he is home, we both play, feed, bathe him together. 

I don't consider it SAHM specific at least not in our household. Up until a few months ago, I worked full time and DH was in school/working part time. We still kind of followed this arrangement. DH doesn't drink and he's somewhat of a naturally relaxed person by nature. Plus, he says he enjoys hanging out with DS after a long day.

I was just curious if we were really the exception or the rule.

Rink08

Not here. DH works 12-14 hr swing shifts and usually gets home around either 7pm or 7am. He usually helps with bedtime and then goes to bed or if it's morning he just goes to bed. The days in-between shifts are hit or miss because he has to get ready to switch shifts so he helps when he can.

Due to his schedule, he gets a seven day break every month (unless he works extra overtime days) and he does a lot more with the kids then. Usually on his first morning off, he takes the kids to breakfast or makes it at home so I can sleep in. We also plan a family night during that time and have been trying to plan a date night each month as well.

mrs.schmitty

LuckyDad said:

mrs.schmitty said:

Sorry to be a post whore today....(do people still say that or is that just a really old school Nest thing? any who, onto my actual question).... yesterday's UO thread got me wondering....

I feel like SO and I have somewhat of an unspoken arrangement that when he gets home from work, he is responsible for DS and it's time for mommy to open a bottle of wine/break into a six pack and relax. Obvs, I don't get silly drunk in front of DS, but after being home all day with a 2 year old, it's nice to get my buzz on after he goes to bed.

I kind of assumed this was normal. Is that not the case?

We only have one child, so yeah, typically when I get home from work I'm responsible for DS until bedtime. It gives me ~1-2 hours of face time with him. If I get home early enough we eat dinner as a family.

The downside is, DW doesn't quite understand why after getting up with DS, working all day, then putting DS down, I just don't have any energy to hang out with her in the evenings. I just want to zone out, play video games, or read a book. Even watching TV doesn't do it for me... our couch kinda sucks and there's no way for me to lie down if she's on it.

Thanks. This is pretty much us. DH actually used to be home with DS 2 days/week while I worked so he's fairly sympathetic to how exhausting it can be to be home with him all day.

And I can sympathize with the being too tired to hang out. This was exactly how I felt when I was working out of the housing full-time. DH would sometimes complain that as soon as DS went to sleep, I would just zone out in front of the TV or computer, and now he pretty much does the same thing.

wiggyslilsis

DH gets home and cleans up and then he hangs out with DD. This is because when Daddy gets home she wants Daddy not Mommy. DH cooks dinner most nights because I take care of DD and do other chores while he does dinner. Then we chill. If she needs a bath DH does it. I get her ready for bed (diaper change, brush teeth, PJs) and when she is ready she grabs a blankie and a plug and climbs into Daddy's lap. If she falls right asleep I set up her room and if not she gets passed to me and DH sets up her room before going to bed.

I think it is pretty even but DH might get a little more time with her since he hasn't seenher all day. AAlso, I think more than one child definitely changes the situation since it isn't so easy to just pass off 2+ kids.

meaglamillion

When H gets home I get those few tasks done that I aren't so easy with kiddos in tow after he takes care of changing, etc. Then we chat for a bit, then he watches the kids while I cook dinner. We each take a kid for bedtime routine, when that's done we chill and maybe watch some tv.

SpaceGirlSpiff

We both work (at the same place actually), so we carpool together to and from work, and drop off/pick up the chitlen from daycare together....so... we have aligned schedules.  We get home, get dinner thrown together somehow, and both play with and entertain the kid for a couple hours... unless I have to run an errand to the store, then he stays home with him.  Our evenings are low key.  I'm usually the one that gets him ready for bed.  I dont know, there's no formal arrangement.  And once he goes to bed, we have a few hours of adult time, vegging and catching up on TV, or maybe doing chores, or playing on computers....whatever.

We also dont drink though so... theres that.... not because we're all "against" it or something, we just dont.  It doesnt react well with my body (enhances my anxiety for some reason) so I just dont bother, and he just doesnt like much of it... he'll have a beer or two or one or two drinks socially on rare occassion... but we dont keep it at home.

RondackHiker

I work full time and he works way beyond full time.

When he is home in the evening, he tries to help me with dinner and chat with me, but 95% of his attention is on DS. They're crazy about each other and miss each other so much. So I get a break, but don't relax. Usually I get things done like dinner or picking up, though I try to distract DS enough that DH has a 10-15 minute break to change out of his hospital clothes, go to the bathroom, grab a drink, etc.

I'd rather get things done so that DH and I can take a break together once DS is in bed. Even when he's home, if I am too (I rarely go out in the evenings), we put him down together. Usually I try to do bathtime and PJs so that DH can have a bit of a break on his own.

I don't think it'd be fair if one or the other of us always got a big break in the evenings. We're both tired from work, we both want down time, and we both want time with DS and each other.

MJN9510

Id say parenting is 75/25 in our house.  DH would tell you differently, well, because he sees it how he wants to see it.  LOL.

DH is already out the door and headed to work before DD or I get up. So, i get myself ready and DD and take her to the babysitters.  Then, even though DH gets home before me, I pick DD up from the babysitters.  Then I get dinner ready and DH sometimes watches her.  Other times, I am watching her and trying to cook at the same time.  I am ALWAYS the one who takes DD to the bathroom when she has to go and DH has never given DD a bath, EVER! It is ALWAYS me who helps DD with her meals (cutting up food, getting her plate ready, etc).

In DH's defense, he does some work on the side (fixing peoples furnaces/ac/plumbing/electric). So sometimes, he is doing that.  It isnt like he is just sitting on his butt doing nothing.  But it can still be frustrating when i rarely get any time to myself.  Unless you count after 9 when DD goes to bed.  But by then, I am ready for bed too.

littlestjerry

Barring one of us having a really bad day or not feeling well, neither of us really gets to relax until DS is in bed. We switch off nights when it comes to who actually puts DS to bed.

MrsCodeMonkey

My DH takes over after dinner and gives DD a bath and then they read stories and he puts her to bed 75% of the time. It's a good way for them to bond and to give me a break. Well, sometimes I get caught up with dishes and laundry.

Spin313

Not really. DH keeps the kids busy while I prep dinner and after that it's usually 50/50...although we give each other breaks when we need it.

ReeseFox

LuckyDad said:

We only have one child, so yeah, typically when I get home from work I'm responsible for DS until bedtime. It gives me ~1-2 hours of face time with him. If I get home early enough we eat dinner as a family.

The downside is, DW doesn't quite understand why after getting up with DS, working all day, then putting DS down, I just don't have any energy to hang out with her in the evenings. I just want to zone out, play video games, or read a book. Even watching TV doesn't do it for me... our couch kinda sucks and there's no way for me to lie down if she's on it.

I can totally relate to this. DH seems to think that because his job is more physically demanding than mine then he's the only one who could possibly be tired. While yes, he does work long hours and get up at the crack of dawn, I also work full time and carry most of the load at home. It's fucking infuriating at times.

ReeseFox

MJN9510 said:

Id say parenting is 75/25 in our house.  DH would tell you differently, well, because he sees it how he wants to see it.  LOL.

DH is already out the door and headed to work before DD or I get up. So, i get myself ready and DD and take her to the babysitters.  Then, even though DH gets home before me, I pick DD up from the babysitters.  Then I get dinner ready and DH sometimes watches her.  Other times, I am watching her and trying to cook at the same time.  I am ALWAYS the one who takes DD to the bathroom when she has to go and DH has never given DD a bath, EVER! It is ALWAYS me who helps DD with her meals (cutting up food, getting her plate ready, etc).

In DH's defense, he does some work on the side (fixing peoples furnaces/ac/plumbing/electric). So sometimes, he is doing that.  It isnt like he is just sitting on his butt doing nothing.  But it can still be frustrating when i rarely get any time to myself.  Unless you count after 9 when DD goes to bed.  But by then, I am ready for bed too.

OMG this is my life! Except my H does actually do baths about once a week...but this just started two months ago after months and months of me bitching about it.

RayRay007

When I was off on mat leave (for one year) DH would get home and I couldn't wait to dump the kid off on him so I could have a break. DH didn't like that though because he needed time to unwind when he got home from work. We fought about it a lot. (ETA: I only mean like 20 minutes or something or while I made dinner. I would get back to parenting after that). 

bullybutt

We both work FT, I do 90% of the work when we are home.  SO entertains DS outside for a couple of minutes when it's convenient for him.  I usually take a bathroom break or tidy up the house during that time.  I do all the nighttime rituals/feeding/cleaning.  I try to drink a beer once a week or every other week (still nursing)...then I'll get the comment "I wonder how DS liked that beer?"  He has no clue about timing and beer science.

CindyRelluh

We do! He works from like 7-4, and I'm with the kids all day. When he gets home I leave for work, then he has then for the rest of the night until bed. If I don't work, he lets me relax and drink a little.

pandaglitter

It depends. On days he has to open, he'll usually take a nap after work and then I'll have him help put her to bed. On days he closes, he doesn't get home until after she's asleep. On his days off, he definitely does more with her and we usually split bath and bedtime. She's five, though, so a lot of the time she can entertain herself if I need a break. When the baby comes, I imagine this will change quite a bit and he and I both expect him to help out more with the baby.

MrsT0514

Ehh..our arrangement is a bit different, but damn.. I like the arrangement you have! LOL.

I'm a SAHM and DH works long hours so by the time he gets home, showers and we get done with dinner and whatnot, its usually after 8pm. DS goes down for the night around 8:30-9pm. He usually tries to take care of bath, bottle, and bedtime for DS, but it doesn't always happen that way. Evenings here are usually a mad jumble and whoever has a free hand does the night time stuff with DS.

MrsT0514

ReeseFox said:

LuckyDad said:

We only have one child, so yeah, typically when I get home from work I'm responsible for DS until bedtime. It gives me ~1-2 hours of face time with him. If I get home early enough we eat dinner as a family.

The downside is, DW doesn't quite understand why after getting up with DS, working all day, then putting DS down, I just don't have any energy to hang out with her in the evenings. I just want to zone out, play video games, or read a book. Even watching TV doesn't do it for me... our couch kinda sucks and there's no way for me to lie down if she's on it.

I can totally relate to this. DH seems to think that because his job is more physically demanding than mine then he's the only one who could possibly be tired. While yes, he does work long hours and get up at the crack of dawn, I also work full time and carry most of the load at home. It's fucking infuriating at times.

My situation is different bc I don't work outside the home right now, but my main gripe is when DH makes the comment that his job is more demanding than mine bc its outside of the home.

What the shit dude? Being home with our child all day everyday while maintaining the household is hard work too.

I will say he's definitely been more understanding about this lately, but it still comes up once in a while and its super frustrating.