When I'm a MIL I promise to...

LaurelBee

S/o these psycho Mil posts from FB recently, what is something you promise to do or not do when you become a Mil?

I promise to never give my DIL or SIL shit about the holidays. If we get to celebrate with them, I will be ecstatic! If we celebrate the weekend after, so be it.
I promise to never meddle in their finances. If they ask for financial feedback about purchases, I'll offer my opinion. But other than that I will STFO about money.
I will follow their parenting guidelines to the best of my ability. I want them to trust that I won't give my grandkids something they shouldn't have (or something they wouldn't want their kid to have.) I want my kids and their spouses to trust that I have their best interest at heart and not my own selfish desires. And go!

LaurelBee

Gotta pick Ds up from school, so this will be a PnR

PunkyBooster

I promise to not criticize.

CurlyQ284

I joke with my friends that I will be a horrible MIL because he's my baaaaaby. I don't know. What if the girl he picks is horrible?

CinemaGoddess

I promise not to get drunk and embarrass my kids and their families in public by bringing up sensitive political topics and practically screaming my opinions about them.  

insertclevername

I promise to respect both my sons and their partners, whomever they may be.  I really hope that I get to watch both of my sons grow into amazing men who have happy lives and families that they allow us to be a part of.

shibby00

I promise to just be nice. To think before I speak. To not say hurtful things to my future DIL about the dust in her house at 6 days PP.

lildevil968

CurlyQ284 said:

I joke with my friends that I will be a horrible MIL because he's my baaaaaby. I don't know. What if the girl he picks is horrible? Like my SIL. We barely see my brother anymore. My mom doesn't say anything to my brother about it for the most part but should she? She pretty much lost one of her kids. One thanksgiving they had Thanksgiving with us and SIL spent the whole day crying in their room because she wanted to be with HER family. Another holiday she was in her PJs and refused to get dressed because again "HER family". I make no promises if I get a DIL like that.

Oh I can totally relate to this story. I haven't heard from my brother in over a year. I call him, she answers. I email him, and she deletes the emails. It's the same story for my mom, sister, and dad as well. Last time we got to spend a Holiday with my brother was 3 years ago, and we got to see him for maybe 3 hours. We got 3 hours out their almost 2 wk stay with her family for the Holidays. I found out through my 5 year old nephew that SIL hates uncle J's family, and for what reason, we don't know.

I also make no promises if I get DIL like her.

CurlyQ284

@lildevil968. Lol I DDd that part in case she is on this board. But yeahhhhhh. Things are getting better but I don't know how to handle that as a MIL. Especially since its unlikely I will get to have another of my own. If my only kid disappears because of his SO, I cannot guarantee sanity on my part.

ASmallWonder

In line with respecting their parenting choices, I will accept that safety rules and norms may have changed (i.e. solids, car seats, etc) and as long as I don't genuinely feel their choices are placing their kids at major risk, I will STFU about "well when YOU were a kid..."

CurlyQ284

elmoali said:

In line with respecting their parenting choices, I will accept that safety rules and norms may have changed (i.e. solids, car seats, etc) and as long as I don't genuinely feel their choices are placing their kids at major risk, I will STFU about "well when YOU were a kid..."

I think I could commit to this one.

nixieknox3

DH and i have a list of things we will never do to our adult children that we keep in our safe with all our important papers.  

never being a pain in the ass about holidays is number 1 with a bullet.

respecting the privacy of my children and not just waltzing into their house unannounced, etc.

we have a bunch, i just can't think of them all right now.

Disneygeek77

I will not insist that I be in the delivery room when they have a baby. Yes even if DILs mother is there. I will also not expect them to subsidize my income one day

seahorse102410

I promise understand I am not her mother. I am her MIL. She may feel the same about me I feel about my MIL. Hopefully she will like me.

littlestjerry

I promise not to passive aggressively criticize their parenting.

littlestjerry

Oh, and especially not make passive aggressive comments that make it clear you're upset that DS has a bedtime. My mom and MIL both do this, and we're really not even that strict about bedtime.

CinemaGoddess

One last thing,

If you break beat her, cheat on her or in any other way make her life a living hell, I will end you.  

s0ulchicken

Not lose my shit if they choose not to celebrate holidays with DH and I.

I will not make any of my children feel guilty for leaving the nest

I will respect any boundaries that they have, without bargaining, manipulating, or otherwise trying to coerce.

If my future DIL, or even my daughters do not wish for me to be present during the birth of any of their children, I will not throw a hissy fit and have DH call to tell them how unfair they are.

Pretty much, I will not be a nagging shrew who makes them miserable.

LuckyDad

Little Jerry said:

Oh, and especially not make passive aggressive comments that make it clear you're upset that DS has a bedtime. My mom and MIL both do this, and we're really not even that strict about bedtime.

God, I hate this. MIL is pretty cool overall, but she gives us so much grief when we get antsy if dinner isn't on the table and it's 6 PM. Transferring DS is a crapshoot and normally he needs a bath (especially in summer), so yes, we do have to leave her house by 7, 7:30 at the latest. Sorry, MIL.

MrsT0514

CinemaGoddess said:

I promise not to get drunk and embarrass my kids and their families in public by bringing up sensitive political topics and practically screaming my opinions about them.  

If you are talking about your MIL, then we must have the same MIL.

MrsT0514

I promise that I won't be a whiney twat and put guilt trips on them about holidays/birthdays, etc. I also will not meddle in my kids' business within their marriage or tell them how they shouls be raising their kids. I'll give my opinion when asked, but other than that, I'll STFU.

MrsCodeMonkey

dotgirl2 said:

I will not make passive aggressive comments about: choices she makes as a parent, what she feeds her children, her children's weight, or the state of cleanliness of her house. 

I will not hire a cleaning lady for her and my (imaginary) son because she "must be so busy" (as she...I mean I looks around at the dust bunnies in disgust). 

I will not tell her to throw me a birthday party when I visit two weeks after my birthday, then make no mention of her birthday, which was three days prior to the visit.

I will not make every conversation about me or fish for compliments at every opportunity.

I will not buy her workout clothes for Christmas even though she never asked for them or ever mentioned a desire to work out. 

Wow, sounds like your MIL is a real winner.

MrsCodeMonkey

I promise to cut the cord and not pull the passive aggressive I'm always the victim crap.

MrsT0514

MrsCodeMonkey said:

I promise to cut the cord and not pull the passive aggressive I'm always the victim crap.

This. As hard as it will be when the time comes, I'm sure....I don't ever want to be THAT MIL.