Polite way to decline MIL babysitting request

Lisadi

 As I'm starting my 3rd trimester and have quite a bit to do, I thought I'd ask MIL if she'd like to come over and play with DS. She replied that as of now she could, and she wondered if I'd like her to drive up here and take him back to her house (about 30 minutes each way).
 I'm not too keen on the idea. Her house is tiny and filled to the brim with furniture. The main area for DS to play is right in front of the T.V. and fireplace- an area about 2' x 3'. That's about it. I can send toys with him, but I've also seen her encourage my son to play with her dog's toys when small. 
 Help me word this or come up with a good excuse, please.

Cherryblossoms07

Why decline? Just tell her you would rather your DS stay close by for whatever reason. She might just be offering to take LO to her house to give you time alone to do what you need to do without distraction. You could tell her that LO would really like to spend the day at the zoo (or whatever) with grandma and buy them tickets if she is up for it, that way they are close, but out of your way so you can get work done.

sschwege

To be honest if I was in your situation I would just go with it.  Maybe your MIL wants to watch your son in her home.  She is doing you a favor after all.  Just my two cents.

But to answer your question if you are looking for excuses maybe you could say something like, "We are really trying to be conscious of DS's feelings with the new baby coming.  We want to make sure he doesn't feel as if he is being replaced or no longer a member of our family.  Could you maybe watch him here so we don't have to worry about him feeling as if we are 'shipping him off' now that the baby will be here soon."

Lisadi

sschwege said:

But to answer your question if you are looking for excuses maybe you could say something like, "We are really trying to be conscious of DS's feelings with the new baby coming.  We want to make sure he doesn't feel as if he is being replaced or no longer a member of our family.  Could you maybe watch him here so we don't have to worry about him feeling as if we are 'shipping him off' now that the baby will be here soon."

 Love this. Thanks.

 And I see that I should have worded the title differently. I don't want to totally decline, just decline her offer to take him to her house.

rlyttle

I totally understand. I have to turn my MIL down all the time. She likes on Lake Michigan, which is about 3 hours from us. She always talks about DS coming to her house to stay with her for a long weekend or even a week. DON'T THINK SO LADY!!! I have several reasons why that won't be happening anytime soon. GL!!

RayRay007

It's probably too late, but why not just "all of his toys etc are here and it would just be easier if you watched him here" and go on about having to pack up toys, clothes, diapers, blah blah when she could just come over. Also, maybe you could say it would be nice if she could be here and help make lunch for you all since you're so busy. 

ETA: also, the driving. Why make four trips when she could make two. 

blondie42107

I'm very upfront with people and just honestly say that I don't like to be away from my children.  Which is very true.  I've only been away from DS1 three nights and he'll be 3 next month.  I've only been away from DS2 1 night and he'll be 1 next month.

If you MIL wants to help you out she'll do it at your house as you prefer.

Lisadi

OMG! (And, I'm not one to use that expression much.) Another update on my end.

 I let MIL know that DS has been a bit clingy since starting mom's day out 3 days a week for 4 hours. Also, while he understands and seems o.k. with the fact that baby brother is coming, he nevertheless seems to be slightly more attached. I told her that lately, since he's gone more, even if I take him to my parent's (5 minutes away), I try to stay there. I get the break from being the sole source of attention, and he gets time with grandparent's without crying about mommy being away.

 Her response - "Let's play it by ear. I'll come over and see if he wants to ride in my car. We'll introduce the option. If he wants to be a homebody (!!!!) he can stay here. Otherwise, she can see if he wants to nap/ have "quiet time" at her house."

 Lady will not take no for an answer. And, similar to rlyttle, there are several other reasons why I would prefer to have DS in my home vs. hers. Yeah, why have her make 4 trips? And, he's never napped at her house. It's routine here. If he doesn't get his sleep, I hate the idea of Sunday evening with him, and the effect on his attitude when Monday's mother's day out drop-off comes around.

 "If you MIL wants to help you out she'll do it at your house as you prefer. " This exactly, blondie42107, this exactly.      
 
 Sounds like I might just make alternate plans for Sunday- see if my brother, sil and neice are available for a visit, as it sounds like she will not take no for an answer.
 My gut instinct is, based on previous history, not to have her watch him alone at her house. I don't want to feel pressured into it, and wind up regretting it.

rlyttle

I have learned to just say no and be more direct. I don't want to hurt MILs feelings, but it is what it is. I say no with a smile, you know what I mean? She knows I hold the cards. GL!

dufferoo

Unfortunately, it does sound like your choice is to let her babysit how she wants (ie at her house), or find another arrangement. I have found that frequently when people "want to help," they really just want to help themselves.

Lisadi

Yup. Finding other arrangements.