DH vent... probably waaambulance worthy

Jen4033

I posted a while back about how DH was at risk to be sent to ND for 3 mo with his job. (We are in MN.) Luckily he got out of that, requesting to stay in state so that he could be closer to us & be home more. Yea!- right?

Lately he has been filling up every open moment he has with working outside on the yard. Our house is new construction in a rather heavily wooded lot, so it is a very blank canvas that we have plans for. He is the type of personality where he cannot stand to not be working on it. It's great that he's getting the stuff done, but my requests that he maybe plan to work all day on a Sat then save his Sunday for us have not convinced him. Even during the week, when he actually gets home early enough in the night, he is out there doing something. Then complains about how tired he is. He doesn't even make time to come in & join us for dinner. If we cuold at least sit down together it would be nice!  It's isn't like any of the stuff HAS to be done this year. I'm just fine with doing a little at a time, but he just can't work that way. To top it off, the new place me moved to is rather out in the country so it isn't just a short trip here or there to go do anything & I still don't know too many people around. Family isn't vary close either.

Poor DS wants to only be with him lately & cries when he knows daddy is out there with his "wovel." (Shovel) It makes it hard because then it makes it even more difficult to get things done inside the house & follow normal routines with DS like bath time, eating time, etc because he wants to be out with daddy.

Probably more pregnancy hormones at work, but I just want my husband back!  Part of me wonders how this was better than him taking off to ND! Sure, he's home, but at the same time he's not!

I know it won't be possible this weekend, since I currently have 2 huge dump truck loads of black dirt & 1 load of sand sitting in my drive way (I just barely got out this morning) but am thinking of telling DH that the following weekend, if he is not having to go into work & it is not raining.... we are going to the zoo.. End of story. I see how that goes.

<Sigh>  Feels a little better to get that all out. If you read all that.. TY for your ears (eyes).

Arrgcr

Go get your zoo time girl! And don't back down!

ashybear

Is there stuff that your son can "help" with during the day on the weekends? Maybe make a couple hours more of a family affair? (By which I mean you get a glass of lemonade and a comfy chair or spot on the ground.)

sunshineitsfine

Well sadly in Minnesota its only a matter of time before we have 2ft of snow covering up our yards! How gross is that thought!? Where in MN are you at?

cnwilbur1030

That stinks! Sometimes my DH thinks that just by being physically home that counts. We had a talk about being interactive and emotionally present as well. He's been better about it, sitting down for dinner and waking up to have breakfast with us on days he knows he will be home late. Silly men, sometimes they just need to be told.

sugarland726

Have you asked your H why he is rushing around and trying to get everything done this year? Maybe finding out and discussing the root cause can help you come up with a compromise you both are happy with.

lolinshag

I think you should do the zoo! Maybe another time tell your DH he has to either pick up a movie and pizza and cuddle all night, or he can take a pillow outside and sleep in the yard!

barnowl0901

You all deserve the outing. Definitely go to the zoo. Good luck with the hubs. He might get burnt out trying to do too much at once.

moosebaby2011

I understand having a DH who needs to be doing SOMETHING all of the time. I'm grateful that he gets things done around the house, but sometimes it drives me insane because I feel like he could be spending time with DS and whatever he is working on could wait until after our LO is in bed. That being said, there is no compromise when it comes to dinner time. We sit down to dinner as a family every night. No phones, no tv, no distractions allowed. I'd be super pissed if my DH refused to stop working on a project during dinner time. It's non-negotiable in our house.

Jen4033

@ashybear - He does follow DH around with his toy shovel (so cute!), but it is ultimately still up to me to be the one officially keeping an eye on him. DH gets so involved, he honestly wouldn't realize when DS wanders off.

@Kaleigh1289 - We're in the Big Lake/Monticello area.   Don't say the S-word! UGH!  That for sure has something to do with his rush to get as much done as possible this year.

@sugarland726 - It really is just his personality. If he isn't doing it, he will be sitting there thinking about it. It will eat away at him. There have been times he has given in & joined me at a family thing or something & we end up not able to really enjoy it because I constantly get reminded of how he could be better spending his time. Then listening to him constantly asking if we can leave yet.  @MarBee1214 hit it right on the head I think.  He has his end goal in sight with the perfect yard for his family. Which is completely honorable & I love that he has us in mind essentially. He has really made his list of things he wants to get done this year & which we will be waiting on for next year. I just really wish he would show more of an effort for even a little bit here & there.  At least I know the big projects for next year are ones we would be hiring contractors for!

@moosebaby2011 - that's another part of it.. if it wasn't the yard this time, there would always be some sort of project. I really want to insist on the dinner thing. He's not always home for dinner time due to his job, but I should talk to him about whenever he IS home, he has to join.

We can both tell he's burning himself out. He's totally doing that to himself though. Wish he would put on the big boy pants & see that & know only he can do something about that part. 

This is really just temporary crazy, but I can't help but feel we are missing out on things we could be enjoying with DS now. Like the zoo or state fair (which we missed out on due to his work ethic over the last couple weeks)

lmills730

Dh gets like this when he is in the middle of a project. Like PP's have said, I remind him that I need quality time too (it's my top love language!). Some men just constantly need to be reminded of your needs and the family's needs. Zoo time is definitely in order!

juliasmama2010

ashybear said:

Is there stuff that your son can "help" with during the day on the weekends? Maybe make a couple hours more of a family affair? (By which I mean you get a glass of lemonade and a comfy chair or spot on the ground.)

Agreed.  DH knows when he's home but outside doing yard work, DD will want to be out there with him and he will have to accomodate, otherwise he'll have a very upset daughter and wifey on his hands.  Works out pretty well since she loves being daddy's little helper and he is incredibly patient with her.  Hope you guys can find a middle ground.