School-Aged Children

Kindergarten problems. Need advice

It all started with a call from the school nurse yesterday, day 5.  DS got bit by another boy in his class.  Apparently they were playing "crocodile" and the other boy took his role a little too seriously and bit DS in the arm - didn't break the skin, but they sent DS to the nurse for ice.  Nurse told me DS was very upset about the whole thing, but when he got home he seemed to laugh it off.  I emailed his teacher and she told me she would call me to discuss.  While we are on the phone she brings up "another issue" about DS - apparently he has "growled" at 2 teachers when they've asked him to do something he doesn't want to do.  I am completely floored.  I have absolutely never had discipline issues with DS.  He is a happy, easy-going kid, and although I have seen him growl when he is playing and another kid does something he doesn't like (and since we have been working with him to be more assertive, I didn't discourage the behavior), I am completely humiliated that he did it to his teachers the first week of school!  It gets worse...

I look inside his lunchbox and see that he has eaten NOTHING.  I ask him why and he says that he was crying at lunch.  When I ask him what happened he says that he was wiping his hands with Purell before lunch, and some of it splashed up into his mouth.  I guess it freaked him out enough that he got upset and didn't know who to talk to about it.  (He has been very anxious about "poisionous" things ever since he watched the Sofia episode about Baileywick getting Poision Ivy.)  I am just sick over this.  Is it possible that a little boy was not eating and crying for 30 minutes and NOBODY noticed?  Or maybe he didn't really cry, but was just worried and didn't want to eat? 

Ugh.  this is my first child, so I don't know if some of this is to be expected as he transitions to 2 days of full-day preschool to 5 days of full-day kindergarten?  Are these legit transition problems, or am I overreacting?  I know he is not as mature and outgoing as some other boys his age, but he is generally easy, happy, polite, etc so I am just feeling terrible that he is not adjusting as well as other kids.

Does anyone have thoughts on what I should do?  Nothing, let it work itself out?  Talk to guidance counselor?  Talk to his teacher?  Talk more to DS about what is expected of him? 

TIA

 




 

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Re: Kindergarten problems. Need advice

  • Also wanted to mention that when I picked him up on Day 4 (he goes to aftercare on Tuesdays so this was close to 5pm), he had just peed in his pants (hasn't had an accident in over a year.)  He told me that he hadn't gone to the bathroom all day...
     




     

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  • Wow, I feel like i could have written this post! My 5 yr. old DD also started full day kinder about 3 weeks ago and we were having a lot of the same problems. She wasn't growling but the teacher did let us know that she had been disruptive, refusing to follow directions and crying in the classroom when asked to do her work. I also was floored like you were. She had  been in full time preschool and summer camp with no problem. She also rarely cries about anything. I wasn't even sure how to answer the teachers concerns b/c I'd never had them before. We tried moving her bedtime up a little b/c I think exhaustion was a part of the problem, but honestly I think it just takes some kids longer to transition from preschool which was basically a free play environment with some structure to a very structured place like todays kinder classroom. Once my DD got the picture that she needed to do her work when asked and that she couldn't play whenever she wanted to things began to slowly improve

    So far this week she is doing better but we did sit her down and talk about expectations in school and that she needs to follow directions, listen, etc. I think it just takes time. As far as lunch I agree with the pervious poster that sometimes kids aren't great reporters. My daughter told me the "kitchen chefs" and taken her lunch box and it turns out she left it on the classroom shelf. :) I would try to ask the cafeteria staff if it happens again to keep an eye out for him.

    With the bathroom , does he know to raise his hand if he needs to go? I ask b/c I know at our preschool the teachers would bring all the kids to the potty together at once. Maybe he is waiting for the group potty break and is not sure about raising his hand. Again, I would ask the teacher what the potty policy is and make sure he understands it. Hang in there though, my DD is also my first child and I am finding the transition to Kinder rough as well. I'm sure things will get better as they settle in though.

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  • We're having new to kinder problems too. My DS was in 5 days per week preschool and is a very well behaved boy but he's struggling with the transition. We are on week 3 and it just feels like there is so much more independence in kinder and that has caused a transition. The advice I've gotten from others is that there is a lot of testing of the teachers and navigating the system. Go over the simple rules with him such as, eat lunch every day, use the potty when you have to go. Just talk and work with him. We finally got to the point with DS1 where we said any bad report on behavior from the teacher means he loses tv until we get a good report. That seems to have cured all problems this week. 

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  • I agree w/all of the advice auntie gave.  If it were me, I would start by talking to your DS about how he is feeling about school, how he feels he is doing, whether he likes the teacher, etc.  I would not not start with any of the negative things that have happened, but try to get him to open up about what is bothering him.  My DS was very anxious about starting K, and the issue manifested itself in different ways than your DS, but it sounds to me like the source of a lot of this is anxiety.  Which is completely normal.  I think full day K is a big adjustment for a lot of 5-year-olds. 

    I would also talk to the teacher.  Ask her how she is addressing his behavior and what you can do to reinforce at home.  When we went through our K issues, I sat down with DS's teacher and it helped tremendously for us to get on the same page.  TBH, it took my DS close to 2 months to adjust but once he did the rest of the year was awesome. 

     

  • We're also on week 3 here and a lot of the kiddos are still having problems.  As far as the growling, one of our neighbor boys does this (he's 7).  It goes no farther than growling and mom usually gives him a warning and it's over.  As far as the lunch, DD took about 4 days to start eating more than 2 bites of her lunch.  Even now I don't know how much she eats as she tends to share with friends but she won't drink any of her water.  Another little girl we know cried through lunch a few days and mom and teacher worked together to discover that the cafeteria is so loud and the little girl wasn't used to it.  Mom bought her earplugs and things are going much better. 

    I would start with going back over the expectations/who he can ask for help.  Give him a few days to try that.  If things aren't better by the end of next week, email the teacher with your concerns.  I keep telling myself that this is my first time having a kindergartner but DDs teacher gets 25 new ones every year and has a much better grasp on what is normal and how to fix the problems. 

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  • I think some of it sounds like adjusting.

    FYI, my DD is in second grade and didn't pee all day yesterday on the first day of school.  And I imagine she won't pee in school for another few weeks.  It's a nerves thing.  Almost like she gets afraid to approach teacher (authority) to ask.  I've told her over and over to just ask to use the bathroom, but she did this same thing in K and 1.  Eventually, she just stops doing it and pees. Sometimes they just need time.

    Mine also doesn't eat a ton at lunch, she came home with over half her lunch.. same in K and 1.  A) they don't get enough time B) they're adjusting C) they're distracted because they are with a bunch of other kids.
    I wouldn't worry about the lunch. I stressed in grade K, then I realized she'll eat if she's hungry. It got better.

    I would definitely bring up the growling to him, though.  Sit down and tell him it's just not allowed, and that he needs to respect the teachers.
    I think with everything put together, he just sounds a little uneasy to me.. maybe a bit nervous? And I think in time, that tends to get better.  Minus the growling part, he sounds like my DD in K.  And she's WAY better as the years went on.  It can just take time for some kids.
    E+C
    (+ hers and his, ages 13 & 8)
    TTC
  • Don't freak out too much, mama!

    All of these are things that can happen to perfectly normal, well-behaved kids when they are making a transition into kindergarten.

    Being upset about a playground incident, then being over it by the end of the day is normal for kids who are still figuring out the busy social scene of the playground.

    It's also normal for kids to have a little trouble at lunch.  It's rushed, it's noisy, they have people to chat with, they have to handle all their own containers and utensils. It's just stressful and new at first.

    Even kids who have been potty trained for a long time can feel intimidated about asking to go to the bathroom in a new situation.  

    I would just talk to him about what he's experiencing and remind him of your expectations.  Stay in close touch with the teacher for the next few weeks.  He'll figure things out!


    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • I would let the teacher deal with the growling issue.  Last year when DS started in a new preK class, he had a lot more discipline issues than I expected according to his teacher and I was embarrassed and confused as well.  I realized that his teacher was more than capable of dealing with his issues and that if she needed me to do something specific that she would ask me.  So we stood back and let it work itself out.  She got to know him better and he tested his boundaries a little less each day.

    As for the lunch thing, that would bug me.  Do you drop off in the AM?  Can you speak or email to the teacher and just tell her that you are concerned that he was crying all through lunch and didn't eat.  Hopefully she will reassure you that she was aware of the situation and let you know that it was an isolated event that is no longer an issue.
  • I did not read all the replies but totally agree with Auntie so I will not repeat it all. I did want to reiterate the one thing I do not think is normal transitioning is growling at people. I get wanting him to be more aggressive but letting a kid growl at other kids is not aggressive it is either pretending to be an animal or it is just off behavior. I would make it very clear that it is never ok to growl at a person and only animals growl. Give him other tools for assertion like standing his ground or using words.

    And look, that was not a flame. We all overlook behavior that we should have see differently.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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