Vent, support... long (sorry)

mistd78

So I feel I am very much an AP mommy, and absolutely love every minute of it.  DH works out of town for 3 weeks at a time, is home for 1 week, so DD and I are on our own more often than not.  I breastfeed as much as possible, supplement with formula when she needs more food, we co-sleep (have since DD was born, long story how it began), I work full time, and spend all my time out of work, w DD, and I LOVE IT!!!!  I have not really seen any of my friends much since she was born, and overall I am ok with that, my mother watches DD while I am at work, and I am very fortunate.  So with all this being said, I finally saw one of my closest girlfriends, and she was asking me about DD, I told her the progress, the fun stuff, and that was about it. ( I tend to steer clear of the bed sharing topic, or any sleep issues bc I am NOT a fan of CIO for my baby personally) 

My friend then began talking to me about what I am doing to be me other than just mommy.  Now, REALLY, how exactly am I supposed to do anything without DD when I work all day, want nothing more than to spend my time with her, and oh yeah, not to mention, I am essentially a single mom doing this so it isn't like DD can hang out with DH until I get back.  I don't even WANT to be with out her, I understand that I need some "me" time too, but I get that every 2-3 weeks when I go for an hour or so to get my nails done, or get a massage bc my back is out.  But Really my friend and her sister kept telling me how DD is spoiled.  SHE IS 8 MONTHS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.  She doesn't know them and just because she wouldn't go to them, she is spoiled, where does love stop and spoiled begin????  Especially at this age?!  Anyhow, she has some separation anxiety, but overall is a VERY HAPPY, healthy, loved baby girl.  She doesn't see these people but every couple of months.  Then my friend shared that she has her feelings about our sleeping situation and other things, but that "it's not her kid and she doesn't have to live with her".  It just felt judgmental.  Not many people truly understand or accept AP, BF, co sleeping, or any of it. 

I guess I just needed to vent.  I was beginning to question myself, and my parenting abilities, and choices.  My DH was wonderful, he reassured me of our choices, and that they can say she is spoiled, but she is happy, healthy and definitely loved and he would want no one else to be the mother of his child. 

Has anyone else experienced this with people that you thought would have your back and no judge? TIA.

Sorry it is so long...

kcisthebombdotcom

I don't think this is an attachment parenting thing but is something all parents face regardless of their parenting style. No matter the choices you make, someone is going to find them wrong. Smile, nod and change the subject.

Mrs.AmyDylan

It is always hard when you get negative feedback on your parenting decisions from a person who's opinion you would otherwise value on most other subjects. However, you are the mom. You have to pull single parent duty when YH travels. 

You mention that you hear stuff like this and it makes you question your choices. I think your are doing what is right for you and your DD. it is awesome that YH is supportive. 

I would encourage you to seek a place where you can find like-minded mamas so you can feel positive about your parenting. LLL meeting, a baby wearing group, maybe some other ladies can share their AP groups. J and I go to a weekly moms group at the birthing center where I had J. It always energizes me to let down my guard and chat freely about AP and get positive AP suggestions for questions that come up. 

Hugs!

TiffanyBerry

No one else can tell you how much "me" time you need.  Only you can.  Unless your friend is either God or omniscient.  If she is, I'd be having far more interesting conversations with her than something judgemental like this. :P