Deciding when to conceive

karrington2be

I am a college student and my hubby has a great job as an electrician. He insists that we wait to conceive until I am out of school but that will put me at around 26, which I know is not too old for a baby but I want to be young with a baby because I'm a nursin major and I know that this is my peak fertility time but he thinks we shoul wait till we "have enough money" how do I get him to realize that we will never think that we have the money because every time he gets a raise he wants a new toy (boat, truck, etc.)? And what is y'all's advice on the best time to conceive because I am in like full baby mode right now and I don't want this to cause issues in our marriage.

Twinkie0612

GhostMonkey said:

Forcing him to have a child when he is not ready will cause issues in your marriage.

Having a child when you are not financially prepared will cause issues with your marriage.

As a nursin major, you get pretty much zero education about fertility. It doesn't drop until your mid 30's. Chill.

All of this. 

karrington2be

Well my major is labor and delivery as an RN so yes I'm educated about fertility. Thank you for sharing your common experience brew city gal having the opinion of someone in my situation helps. It's just so hard when my parents are pushing for grand kids and its not that he isn't ready I think he is more of just scared. As am I because infertility runs in my family my sister just turned 23 and they think she already waited too late. So I'm just scared that the same may happen to me because my mom, grandma, and great grandma all had to have full historectomies by the time they were 27 so it just worries me

MMason12

karrington2be said:

I am a college student and my hubby has a great job as an electrician. He insists that we wait to conceive until I am out of school but that will put me at around 26, which I know is not too old for a baby but I want to be young with a baby because I'm a nursin major and I know that this is my peak fertility time but he thinks we shoul wait till we "have enough money" how do I get him to realize that we will never think that we have the money because every time he gets a raise he wants a new toy (boat, truck, etc.)? And what is y'all's advice on the best time to conceive because I am in like full baby mode right now and I don't want this to cause issues in our marriage.

Longest sentence ever there! I couldn't breath towards the end of it! 

Like PP said you need to wait until he is on board with ttc.  GhostMonkey gave you the perfect advice! Listen to it!!!! 

FemShep

What happened to your mom, grandmother, and sister is most likely not at all relevant to your fertility. My mother was told she would never get pregnant, and that was obviously incorrect. I had DD1 at 32 and DD2 at 39. As a future nurse, you should know that while fertility does decrease with age, the decrease is extremely small until your late 30s. It sounds like you're looking for reasons to support your point, but the fundamental problem is that your H does not want to have kids right now. You need to have some honest conversations about what he wants to accomplish before you begin TTC, and you need to honor and respect his opinion. Forcing someone into parenthood before they're ready is asking for problems, both with your marriage and his actions as a father. Take some time, respect your H's feelings, better understand where he's coming from, and focus on your studies.

Ducktale

All of the previous advice is spot on, and I also want to add that while there may not be any "perfect" time to conceive, there are certainly better times than others and you should wait until you "have enough money". DH sounds like he's definitely not in the place to be having a baby (buying "toys" with extra income, plus saying he's not ready). Definitely sounds like you need to hold off for quite a few reasons. Being nervous about fertility issues is not a good reason to have a baby before you're ready, even if you have baby fever.

kayoun36

Holy fuck knuckles! I am in nursing school and I can't imagine TTC right now! DH and I have been together for 5 years and while I would love to be a mom, It will do no good for me, my baby, or my marriage to be pregnant right now. Kudos to @Brewcitygal for doing it! I have friends who have done it, but most of them wish they had either waited or had more help with their children while in school. Do you really want to spend the first year of baby's life stressed to the max studying for tests and trying to get a good job?

jckeown89

I certainly understand your concern. Although I agree that just because full hysterectomies run in your family at a young age is cause for concern, it definitely does not mean the same will happen to you. You must keep an open line of communication with your husband. Express your concerns to him in a loving way, but don't push him into TTC...that will definitely cause marital strain. Even if you got your way and started trying and conceived, the stress in the marriage wouldn't be worth it. You need a united front to bring a child into the world successfully. As far as the boy toys, discuss the implication of the spending on the future. Don't blame him for the desire for such things, but discuss in a non-confrontational way how you can prepare for a child when you are both ready.

FemShep

Hey @brewcitygal, love your sig ecard!

DebateThis

karrington2be said:

Well my major is labor and delivery as an RN so yes I'm educated about fertility. Thank you for sharing your common experience brew city gal having the opinion of someone in my situation helps. It's just so hard when my parents are pushing for grand kids and its not that he isn't ready I think he is more of just scared. As am I because infertility runs in my family my sister just turned 23 and they think she already waited too late. So I'm just scared that the same may happen to me because my mom, grandma, and great grandma all had to have full historectomies by the time they were 27 so it just worries me

This proves your lack of knowledge regarding infertility. The vast, vast majority of the time, infertility does NOT "run in families". Things have changed a LOT since even your mother was 27, too, in regard to urogynecological research, so even if you happened to have one of the very very few genetic disorders which impairs fertility, chances are you would not also need a total hysterectomy.

You're 26, in school, can't afford kids right now and YH doesn't want them yet. That's three strikes against you having one now. I would think that's plenty of wake up call for waiting.

Kristinmo

DebateThis said:

karrington2be said:

Well my major is labor and delivery as an RN so yes I'm educated about fertility. Thank you for sharing your common experience brew city gal having the opinion of someone in my situation helps. It's just so hard when my parents are pushing for grand kids and its not that he isn't ready I think he is more of just scared. As am I because infertility runs in my family my sister just turned 23 and they think she already waited too late. So I'm just scared that the same may happen to me because my mom, grandma, and great grandma all had to have full historectomies by the time they were 27 so it just worries me

This proves your lack of knowledge regarding infertility. The vast, vast majority of the time, infertility does NOT "run in families". Things have changed a LOT since even your mother was 27, too, in regard to urogynecological research, so even if you happened to have one of the very very few genetic disorders which impairs fertility, chances are you would not also need a total hysterectomy.

You're 26, in school, can't afford kids right now and YH doesn't want them yet. That's three strikes against you having one now. I would think that's plenty of wake up call for waiting.

All of this.  And L&D has very little to do with understanding infertility.  Yes you understand the anatomy of the reproductive system but that's it.  Very few OB's even understand it beyond the basics.  It's like saying, "Well I'm a general surgeon so obviously I am qualified to do brain surgery."

Erica314

Sounds like your husband just plain isn't ready... I am a college student who is currently TTC, so in that regard I think that only you can decide if it's something you want to do.  But, if you are worried about money, it's best you wait.  And also like PP have said - if your husband is not ready it is not right to push him into something that will cause resentment in your marriage!

In my case, we aren't in a position where money is an issue right now and sometimes I think my partner is more excited about TTC than I am! (And not just for the BD either.... ;-) )

Whatever you choose though, good luck!