If you have siblings...

missyishere · September 2013

What type of relationship do you have? Did you always have good/bad relationships with them?

My sister and I were not close at all growing up. She's 6 years younger and was extremely obnoxious to me as a child. We are now really close, especially since losing our mother.

My brother (4 years younger) and I have always had an up and down relationship and it hasn't changes as adults.

LuckyDad · September 2013

My siblings are kind of like close friends I went to HS with who now live in different cities than me. Neither have kids (yet?) so we can't commiserate over that. I'm probably closer to my brother than my sister. Both my sister and I are terrible at keeping in touch, but we always have fun when we do see each other.

Because we are so geographically separated, we definitely have separate lives.

missyishere · September 2013

Neither of my siblings have children either @luckydad. I don't think they ever will either. They aren't far from me distance wise, but my brother still has only seen DD a few times in the nearly 2 years of her life. He's kind of a douche, though.

LadyXaverian · September 2013

I have one sister, and she is 2y3m younger than I am. We were not close growing up, and we don't have much in common other than a mother and a father lol. I still wouldn't really call us close, but we love each other and each others' kids very much. We keep in touch through social media (we live very far apart), but we only talk on the phone a handful of times each year.

I keep our relationship in mind as I try to decide whether or not to have a 2nd. I don't buy into the whole "a sibling is the best gift you can give your child" line because that wasn't my personal experience.

ETA: That last part sounds harsh. I mean that we won't have a 2nd child simply because we think Nora would want a sibling. Sibling relationships are not always what we create them to be in our mind's eye.

missyishere · September 2013

I'm an only child to my father, which is really irrelevant since he didn't care for me growing up. I did, for some reason growing up, wish he had another so I could see what they would look like compared to me.

SoDoMojo · September 2013

I have a brother who is 4 years older than me. My parents divorced when I was 6 months old and some brilliant judge decided to send my brother with my dad and leave me with my mom. My dad was military so he moved far away and I saw them maybe once a year.

My mom remarried and had my half-sister, who I lived with until she was 2. Then my mom lost custody of me and I went to my dad. I was 7. I'm FB friends with my half-sister, but she's not someone I even consider "family".

My bro and I played sometimes together, but we were never close. He lives an hour away now and we hardly speak. He doesn't give two shits about his only nephew. He's constantly fucking up and making terrible life decisions, which he then refuses to admit fault for. He's an ungrateful mooch and I honestly don't like him much these days.

LuckyDad · September 2013

SoDoMojo said:

I have a brother who is 4 years older than me. My parents divorced when I was 6 months old and some brilliant judge decided to send my brother with my dad and leave me with my mom. My dad was military so he moved far away and I saw them maybe once a year.

My mom remarried and had my half-sister, who I lived with until she was 2. Then my mom lost custody of me and I went to my dad. I was 7. I'm FB friends with my half-sister, but she's not someone I even consider "family".

My bro and I played sometimes together, but we were never close. He lives an hour away now and we hardly speak. He doesn't give two shits about his only nephew. He's constantly fucking up and making terrible life decisions, which he then refuses to admit fault for. He's an ungrateful mooch and I honestly don't like him much these days.

Oof. I'm sorry you went through that as a child. One of my biggest, truest hopes is that if things ever go wrong with DW and I, we can put DS's needs first in terms of creating a life with the least chaos and most stability as possible.

SoDoMojo · September 2013

LuckyDad said:

SoDoMojo said:

I have a brother who is 4 years older than me. My parents divorced when I was 6 months old and some brilliant judge decided to send my brother with my dad and leave me with my mom. My dad was military so he moved far away and I saw them maybe once a year.

My mom remarried and had my half-sister, who I lived with until she was 2. Then my mom lost custody of me and I went to my dad. I was 7. I'm FB friends with my half-sister, but she's not someone I even consider "family".

My bro and I played sometimes together, but we were never close. He lives an hour away now and we hardly speak. He doesn't give two shits about his only nephew. He's constantly fucking up and making terrible life decisions, which he then refuses to admit fault for. He's an ungrateful mooch and I honestly don't like him much these days.

Oof. I'm sorry you went through that as a child. One of my biggest, truest hopes is that if things ever go wrong with DW and I, we can put DS's needs first in terms of creating a life with the least chaos and most stability as possible.

Yeah... the instabilty of my childhood really freaks me out sometimes. I know that I'll never fuck up my kid like my parents did, but I'm always nervous if I'm "doing it right". It is also a major deciding factor in my being one and done. That "sibling is the greatest gift" bullshit is exactly that: bullshit.

virgin4lyfe · September 2013

I have one brother. He is seven years older than me.
We actually have a good relationship. He's a little annoyingly perfect, but he's never really screwed up big time so I will take the annoyingly perfect.
He's why when people are like "omg seven years is too long to wait to have another kid" that I kind of roll my eyes. We're pretty good.

I will admit at times when we were younger, I was more of a "plaything" to him than a playmate. But once we got over fighting and stopped having wrestling matches and slowly killing our house, we've been pretty decent. He's getting married in 2 months and I'm in his wedding. We're close.

MintBerryCrunch · September 2013

My brother is 23 months older than me. We were never crazy close growing up but we had fun together pretty frequently. He was really mean to me sometimes though and pushed and hit and threatened me, etc, which kind of turned me off to raising boys TBH. He started getting into trouble as a teen and dropped out of HS. He has some psych issues and self medicates with pot and alcohol and has a hard time keeping a job so my parents have to help support him. He has been arrested for marijuana trafficking twice and it's amazing he hasn't had to spend more than a few weeks in jail. I think we had gotten somewhat closer in the last few years, but he's in another state now on probation so I've only seen him once in 18 months now. We keep up via texts and FB.

tbmadeamistake · September 2013

I have three siblings, older sister, older brother and younger brother. My parents had us over an 8 year span, so we're all pretty close. Not sure how they did it, but sibling rivalry was not stood for and so there was none. We all get along to a point where a therapist I had once called it odd. Very nice, but odd. Rarely do we argue and we all have each others' backs if needed. My older brother has made some really dumb choices in a last three years, stemming from his ugly divorce, and so I've had moments of not really wanting to talk to him, but then he seems to take it really well when I call him an asshat, so we still talk. We get together at least once every month or two for dinner and so the kids can see each other.

MelissaRae1525 · September 2013

I have a brother that is 3 1/2 years younger than me. We played well when we were younger but we also fought too. Our dad died when I was 17 and he was 14 so we've gotten closer since then. As teenagers we hung out and did things together a lot. He's stationed in Kansas now though so I don't get to see him a lot.

s0ulchicken · September 2013

I have one "full brother" from my mom and dad, 1 half brother, 2 half sisters, 2 step sisters, and two step brothers. None of us are super close. My brother and I went through a five year period where we didn't speak at all, and have only recently in the last year started trying to be friends again. We had a pretty fucked up childhood, and sometimes being around one another caused some pretty raw emotions. My brother is a runner, and I am a "Confronter ", which resulted in some tension between us. He would rather pretend something never happened, then say "I need to learn a new way." I would rather say "xyz happened, and this is what I did/am going to do."
But we are making decent inroads since he has been in therapy and I have mellowed with marriage and kids.

nanabanana06 · September 2013

I only have step siblings. My mom got remarried when I was 15. They started dating the summer before HS and moved in together 6 months later. My step Dad has 3 kids. 2 of which are right around my age. My sister is 1 year older and my brother is 2 years younger. So we all bonded and got along great from the get go. I am closer to my younger brother than my older sister, but we're all still friends. I do have an older brother, but he wasn't around much when my mom and step dad got together. He was already 19 and out of the house. A few years back he started to be more apart of my life, and then he started dating my ex BFF. They had 2 kids together and their whole relationship exploded into a molten fury.So now things are strained at best. I don't talk to him much. Either there's too much drama or what not,

quidditchcapn1120 · September 2013

I'm the only product of my mom and dad's short marriage. My mom and stepdad got married when I was just 4 and had three children who I consider full siblings, not half. One sister died in infancy. The other sister is 8 years younger than me and is the complete opposite of me. Despite these differences she lived and was supported by us for a year but recently moved out in a very traumatic and volatile way. We have not spoken since. My brother is 5 years younger than me, has a very similar personality as me, and we get along well. I can't wait to move back to our hometown so that we can live closer to each other, know each other's children better, etc. as well.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

I have four siblings, all half. My parents were both each other's third marriage (although technically never really married). The four of us that have the same mom are fairly close. My dad's son has lived across the country since I was a kid.

The closest in age is 6 years older than me, the other three were teenagers when I was born. My sister who is 6 years older than me lived with her dad until she was a teenager. So while I wasn't an only child, I was the only child.

We need a flow chart.

missyishere · September 2013

I may need to write that down for proper comprehension @overture.

iwantnoworld · September 2013

I have one sister that's 2.5 years younger and one brother that's 5 years younger. My sister and I have never really been close just due to personality and maturity. There's a lot of love, but we don't hang out or anything. My brother has a mild mental handicap and Bipolar disorder. This caused a lot of problems growing up, and I often wished (when I was younger) more than anything that he wasn't my brother.

Dealing with his issues and how to discipline him has almost ripped my parents apart multiple times, as well as put my mom under an enormous amount of stress his whole life. I love him and he has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. He's great with my son when we visit. I definitely feel differently than I did when he was younger, but sometimes it's still really hard to deal with. But even with conflicting emotions, he's still my brother and I love him very much and I know that almost everything that he does is influenced by things out of his control. It's just hard. And probably always will be.

s0ulchicken · September 2013

@SunnyDays26 Thanks

It is slow progress, but progress none the less! And really, he had it worse than I did. All is good in my hood!

jbatch · September 2013

My oldest brother was always kind of the protector older brother.. He was 5 years older than me.. He is in the military in California.. I'm in Ohio.. We love it when we get together but we don't talk much.. Random texts and then once of twice a year see each other.. My other brother is two years older than me and we fought like cats and dogs but we were really close and still are.. He is a pastor at the church where I run the daycare.. We still have arguments but they are the kind where we blow up and then we are really close still.. Both brothers have kids and they basically raise them at opposite ends of the spectrum.. I'm kind of a balance of the two parenting wise.. I hope my kids can be close with all their cousins!

Kristen050 · September 2013

I have one sister and I'd say we've had a "typical" sibling relationship. Played when we were young, some fighting, friends as teens but still fought some. Once we went to college we became very close and have been ever since. We talk multiple times a day and hang out often. She's my best friend and I'm very thankful for her.

theseaword · September 2013

One sister, 2 yrs older. We've always been very close.

meaglamillion · September 2013

.I have a sister 4 years younger than me, and two brothers 9 and 10 years younger than me.

My sister and I are super close now, she visits two-three times a week. When we were younger, we did not get along at all. Once she was about seventeen the drama between us stopped.

The older of my two brothers is autistic, and is harder to connect to, but he is pretty funny. He has a very dry, dark sense of humor.

My youngest sibling, kind of drives me bananas from time to time. He is an attention whore to the extreme. Tries to add shock value to everything. We are not really close at all.

flyingsaucer · September 2013

I have a brother that is 4 years older than me. He lives 10 minutes away and has no kids. We are really close. He is a great uncle and my kids adore him. He is a single guy and I would love to find him a wife if anyone knows of any great single ladies in the NY area :-) I also have a younger half brother and sister from my father's second marriage. I love them, but can hardly count them as sibs because of the age difference and we were raised so far apart. My dad moved far away after my parents split and his kids were raised there. My younger brother is 14 years younger than me and my sis is 18 years younger

ReeseFox · September 2013

I have one brother, five years older than me. We didn't really get along as kids, and he did some pretty fucked up things to me. He's always been kind of a fuck up, and he has serious issues that he won't to get help for. He hasn't seen his daughter in 8 years (she'll be 12 next month) because he refuses to get a psych eval. He moved to GA almost 5 years ago and I haven't seen or spoken to him since.

Kitiara5512 · September 2013

My sister and I share a bday five years apart. She always followed me around as a kid and we often got gifts to share for our bdays (at 10/5 we got Candyland FFS) and she always had to do what I did. We came to the US from a conservative country, so I was not allowed to do stuff as a teen (attend prom) that she got to do a few years later because my parents were more relaxed with her since I had already paved the way. Needless to say, we didn't have a great relationship as a kid. As an adult, she converted to the annoying preachy Christian, and that made things worse. Once she stopped pushing religion on the family, and I calmed the fuck down and tried to be more patience and not as big a bitch, we got along much better. I can still only handle her in small doses (6 hours or less) but we do so much better now, chat on the phone every couple of weeks, etc.

LoveActually4 · September 2013

I have 2 brothers. We were all close growing up. They both moved away but I speak to them both regularly (once a month) and they come home 1-2 times a year. I love them both dearly but my older brother is more settled (he's married, no kids) so we have more to relate to. My younger brother gets very jealous when he comes home as my kids are getting the attention he is used to getting. He has a lot of growing up to do.

Nita2603 · September 2013

I have two half brothers, none of which I ever lived with. We are all more like friends. My older brother is ten years older. He always has my back. We don't talk much as he is in Germany and so it's not as easy as picking up the phone, but we always email and it is as if we just left each other's house.

My little brother has not forgiven me for moving to Canada yet.

missyishere · September 2013

Why is he mad at you for moving @nita2693?

Kitiara5512 · September 2013

mamaREB29 said:

I have 2 brothers. We were all close growing up. They both moved away but I speak to them both regularly (once a month) and they come home 1-2 times a year. I love them both dearly but my older brother is more settled (he's married, no kids) so we have more to relate to. My younger brother gets very jealous when he comes home as my kids are getting the attention he is used to getting. He has a lot of growing up to do.

I have an uncle in his 40s like that, he gets upset when he calls and my mom is watching C that he has to share her attention with a toddler.

klondikebar · September 2013

My brother and I aren't close at all. We never have been. He's okay and I care about like any other family member.

bumpuser1691848 · September 2013

My brother and I were 5.5 years apart, so we didn't have much in common, but we made it work since we were the only kids on our road (we grew up in BFE). Once I moved out we became a lot closer, but still weren't best friends since I was married and he was a teenager. DH and him were really close and loved each other like they were brothers.

I have 1 step brother and 5 step sisters, who I'm friendly with, but they're not my real siblings, so I just have my guard up for some reason.

jennygirlmt · September 2013

I have an older brother, and a younger sister and brother. All four of us are super close, my sister is my best friend. We all live in different cities about 1.5-2 hours apart and see each other at least once a month, if not more.

Littledeer84 · September 2013

I have one sister and one brother. My sister is less than a year younger than me, and we have always been close. There were some tense times in our late teens and early twenties, but it is smoothed out now, and we live really close and watch each other's kids often. My brother is about 5 years younger than me. He had it rough when he was little, we teased him a lot. But he is a great person, and we get along really good...we keep up through texts and fb usually as he is military and lives far away,, we need to get better about calling.

Mags748 · September 2013

I am 4 years older than my sister. My family tells me I have always been a mother to her, even when I was young, so I feel at times I am like a sister and at times a parent. Growing up we would play and be into the same things at certain stages and be into different things other times.

Our mom died when we were 21 and 17 and our dad committed suicide when we were 23 and 19, so I have been much more of a parent to her since then. She has had addiction issues since my dad died which she is working through, but she still seems to be stuck in the late teens/early 20s due to not completely dealing with our parents deaths.

We talk daily, at least through text, but I feel like I am always trying to help her figure out her life. I want her to figure it out so we can be more friends/sisters than parent and child.

NativeFloridian · September 2013

My eldest brother was raised by my grandmother, so it's a weird dynamic. He calls our mom by her first name. We don't have a brother/sister relationship but we also don't have an uncle/niece relationship...it's more like a cousin type thing. Yeah.

My younger brother and I pretty much tried to kill each other as kids but now we're thick as thieves.

missyishere · September 2013

@mags748 I'm really sorry for your losses.

Mags748 · September 2013

missyishere said:

@mags748 I'm really sorry for your losses.

Thank you. I'm blessed to have a great extended family on both sides to fill in for (but not replace) my parents. It sucks that my kids don't have grandparents from my side of the family, but my moms parents are still alive and we see them often and several of my aunts and uncles act as grandparent figures for the kids.

tumblefluff · September 2013

I have 3 sisters and 1 brother.

My sisters and I are all very close. Its rare for us to go a week without seeing each other. They are my best friends. Growing up we weren't that close but we tolerated each other. My oldest sister and I (the "baby") are 11 years apart. Everyone else is a few years apart.

My brother has basically dropped off the face of the earth. I see him once maybe twice a year. My husband has probably seen my brother a total of 10 times in the 10 years we've been together. When we do see him we always have a good time, we just don't see him often. Distance is not the issue, his wife is.