Advice on close spacing

rovingminstrel

Hey there, just looking for some thoughts and advice from all of you peeps with some experience in this area. My firstborn is 10 wks old (sleeping 6-7 hrs at night), I feel great (almost back to normal and pre-preg weight), and so DH and I are hoping to start ttc in the next month. If I get pregnant and all goes well, this would make the kiddos 11 1/2 mos apart. My obgyn thinks I'm a little crazy but has ok'd going forward, but I'm looking for advice about what to expect with two so close together. Do you have any advice, regrets, loves, etc?

Thanks!

JulyMomma2U2

Hiya!  My boys are 3 days shy of being 1 year apart.. we are almost 8 weeks into it, and so far it's been great! I will say, pregnancy the second time was a bit tougher.. I'm a working Mom, so working full time (plus almost a 2 hour commute), coming home to cook dinner, feed my little get him bathed and off to bed was exhausting.. especially in 1st tri.  MH was SUCH a ginormous help.. I would have snapped without his help!  Second tri was mostly a breeze no issues.. it wasn't until 3rd tri when it started getting tough again.. DS1 was learning how to walk, but needed someone to hold his hands all the time.. so, it meant spending a LOT of time hunched over walking with a 10+ mo old..

Some things that have been a life saver for us.. we created a baby safe playroom for DS1.. it's been great.. it allows me to put DS1 in there, knowing he's not going to get into anything or get hurt, and I can either put DS in the swing (though he hates that) or wear him and get dishes done, lunch made, laundry going, etc. It also helps tremendously that DS1 is a great sleeper.. since 2 months, he's STTN.. I can't imagine doing this if DS1 was still waking at night, too.. DS2, on the other hand, does not sleep great yet..!  And, the last thing that helps (or, will really help once I master it!!), trying to get them to nap at the same time.. right now DS2's sleep is so erratic, but I can usually get about 30 minutes when they're both napping.. that gives me some time to just.. breathe!!

Our 12 month spacing wasn't exactly planned.. we didn't go on BC because we knew we wanted 2U2 and were just TTA during my fertile window, but my PP cycle was wonky and we missed ;-)  Especially because I had a c/s, my OB would have "liked" more time in between, but honestly there were no complications because of my close pregnancies.. my OB even cleared me to TTC again at my 6w appointment if I wanted to!

Best of luck to you and your decision to try for 2U2!!

TNmommy92

Hi, I would also love to hear other mommies' input about this! My son is turning 1 in a month exactly, so they would not be as close if we plan on having another one soon, but I would love some advice, pros and cons, etc. about having two under 2! My DH and I are really considering trying for another baby soon and I would be grateful to hear some of your thoughts and tips about having babies close together! 

So.... I'm bumping this post!

Scarlett&Gatsby

Are you cycling already? With DD1, my period didn't return until 6 mo PP; with DD2, not until 4 months PP.

I've loved having my girls close together (they're 17 months apart), but I personally wouldn't want Irish twins. There's some moms here who have done it and they'd be a better resource than me, but I'm pretty grateful that DD1 was over a year when we had #2.

There are some factors to consider. If you're BF and are aiming for the full recommended year, it's much easier on you and your body to get pregnant while weaning rather than while you're still exclusively BF.

11-month-olds are still absolutely babies. I liked that DD1 was walking, could communicate on a basic level, and was 100% on table food when DD2 was born. It was very hard to leave DD1 when I had to stay at the hospital and have DD2, but it would have been much harder if she was still a baby and couldn't grasp even on a basic level why I was gone (and that I was coming back). Theoretically she could have been potty-trained by the time DD2 was born, which would have been nice; two in diapers is an expense to consider.

I love having kids close together. They're slowly growing into friends the more they both develop, and I love that they both still nap, giving me a gap in my day to get things done.

In the end, you know what's best for your family. You're capable of doing and adjusting to anything; I just personally think a little more distance is easier on you. Good luck!

lkm2006

While no one knows what is right for your family, I don't think there is any one good reason that I would personally want two kids under a year apart.

My son was a week away from 17 months when DS2 was born and now looking back on it, I see what a baby he still was at the time. I still love the age difference and it was/is definitely manageable (getting more enjoyable haha!) but I couldn't imagine having a newborn and a 11 month.

I think the issue would be that an 11 month old is very much still a baby, just with different needs. He may or may not be walking while you are camped out feeding a newborn. He will most likely still need to be carried everywhere. You are still working around two naps a day while you also have a newborn (maybe, my son was down to 1 at that age).

Like I said, no one knows what is best for YOUR family and I think you are very brave for even considering it. TU2 is HARD and I just think it could be so so much harder with them less than a year apart. At that age a few extra months means so much in independence and maturity.

bookworm982

I appreciate the other responses here, but I'll be the voice in the opposite direction. My DD and DS are 13 months apart and I'm loving it. (Granted, we've only been at this for 2.5 weeks now.) If we had gotten pregnant on my first cycle, we would have had Irish twins.

My DD couldn't walk when DS was born (but she learned this week!), she only says a handful of words, is still breastfed (tandem nursing), etc. Yes, she is still on the edge of baby and toddlerhood. I don't mind. Having a big baby and a small baby is all right in my book.

I love that DD still takes two naps a day because it gives me tons of one on one cuddle time with DS. I love that DD already is 100% used to having a brother. We cloth diaper, so the added diaper work isn't a big deal. I just change one and then the other.

The hospital stay when DS was born was hard because DD and I had never been separated overnight. However, DH brought DD to the hospital as soon as possible and we spent the day together as a new family of 4. I did a 24 hour checkout, so it wasn't a big deal. It took DD about 2 days to recover from having her world turned upside down during delivery, and now she's back to her sweet, happy self. I wouldn't base family spacing on one day.

With all of this said, we want a few more months (but not many) between DS and #3. That is solely based on my not wanting to have to worry about milk supply in breastfeeding again. A couple more months of spacing will allow me to wean DS in second trimester and not tandem nurse a second time around. If it weren't for breastfeeding, we might not be preventing right now.

There are great reasons to space closely and to wait a bit. I think it is an extremely personal decision for each family. Good luck on whatever you decide!

kcisthebombdotcom

I also agree with the closer spacing of 2u2 being easier in ways. When I was in the midst of first tri exhaustion I was getting tons of downtime with an infant who still napped 3-4 times a day. My son walked by the time my dd was born but didn't get really mobile and running around until the very end of my pregnancy. when i delivered he stayed with my parents and had a ball. when i brought dd home ds had zero issues with the transition since he was too young to really get it. In our case, the terrible twos around here start at 18ish months (I felt 18-26 months was much harder than 2-3) so I was glad to be in the groove of managing 2u2 when that hit. I will say that outside of the first 6-12 months spacing isn't going to make too much of a difference (unless you're comparing spacing of kids 12 months to 12 years apart). My friend has kids 2.5 years apart and her days look the same as my kids who are 12.5 months apart so even if you don't get pregnant quite as quickly as you hope it really isn't going to matter in the grand scheme of things.

RyanandManda

You've gotten great responses already and it's clear there are positives and negatives to any spacing. For me, (18 months between our girls), I had a really hard second pregnancy and was sick a lot. DD1 was old enough to be really scared of my throwing up and that sucked. Early in pregnancy, she was still napping twice a day which was nice and I was able to start her on some goat's milk when she was 11 months to help ease my body as my supply got lower. I nursed through the whole pregnancy and both girls just weaned a couple of months ago. I liked that DD1 was old enough that I didn't have the pressure of having to nurse her 6 times a day while pregnant.

Sorry, that was just a bit of stream of consciousness stuff...

Having 2u2 is freaking amazing though once you're past the first year. Seriously, I can't imagine running after my almost 3 year old with a newborn tied to me so I'm glad they're both walking and talking and we're done with babies! : )

Haley.Beth

The other moms have made great points! My girls are 18 months apart, and #2 is 7 weeks. So far it's been great, but honestly I couldn't imagine doing this when dd was a year or less. Having her walking and completely feeding herself are my lifesavers! It really depends on your family, though. How much help you have, how independent your older baby is and how easy the younger is, etc. Dh wasn't able to take any time off work and I don't have much other help, so it's been just me alone with them because he works nights. Dd1 is pretty self-sufficient, she plays well by herself and I just have to put food on a plate and she eats it, which is very good because dd2 has been difficult; we had trouble with her eating and gaining weight and now she's showing signs of colic and not sleeping at all. I know other moms do it just fine, but the thought of dd1 being more reliant upon me is terrifying (maybe it's because I'm currently in the thick of the hard stuff, though!). My second pregnancy was also much more difficult, I had bad SPD and my hips never recovered from dd1 (something I didn't realize until I was already pregnant), so it was very hard to pick her up at times. 

I really suggest analyzing your particular situation and making the decision that is best for you and your family.

moonfaerie

Mine aren't Irish twins, but my first two are 14 months apart and DD1 was not walking yet when DD2 was born, I actually really preferred carrying her, even while heavily pg and then after my c/s, to chasing a toddler (like I had to do when DD3 was born.) Not saying everyone would find that to be a plus, but for me, it totally was.

If you're BFing, you may not ovulate for a while, though. DD1 was formula-fed from 11 weeks on which is why I was able to conceive so soon. My other two kids were BF longer, and my period did not return until DD2 was 10 months (and weaned) and after DD3 turned one.

rovingminstrel

Thank you all for your great answers! They've been really insightful. Because of a c/s and jaundice (read: low supply), I've been bottle feeding her since 3 wks, so my cycle is back and seemingly regular. Otherwise we'd probably be making a point to wait a while longer. But with things as they are and with how easy she's been, I feel like I'm getting to know her pretty well and could handle some extra excitement in my life. Yes, I know, I'm probably crazy! Thanks for the pro and con approach, and for not condemning an unusual idea/desire. I appreciate it!

MuddyInsignia

I had a relatively easy pregnancy with DD1 and she has been a dream baby--so I was also looking forward to TTC for baby number 2. Nevertheless, we were surprised when I became pregnant when she was only 4 months old while exclusively breast feeding (no pumping, bottles, or anything!) It surprised me how different my second pregnancy was/is (I am due next month)--I was nauseous and tired and not able to be the mom I wanted to be for DD1. She was easy early on, but, man, is she a mover now--she is getting into everything and it is VERY hard to keep up with her. I am very happy to be pregnant and have another baby, but I do feel irresponsible and guilty for having gotten pregnant so quickly so I could not be there for my little girl. If I could go back and make a conscious decision about it again, I would try to space them more responsibly--just so I could take care of her better, and take care of my pregnant self better. 

Candace52309

My DDs are 12 months 4 days apart. It def has its ups and downs.

 

Im blessed enough to have 2 great sleepers. DD1 STTN since 5 wks old and DD2 STTN since she was 4 wks old. That helps tremendously. And my DH helps me out a lot. He is great at changing diapers, fixing dinner, cleaning house, whatever needs to be done, he is right on top of it if I need him. You just have to get into a routine and stick to it. That's really the key. Morning time is always the most hectic for me (esp when I was on maternity leave. In the beginning, I slept in until my girls woke up and that was a mistake. I realized that and woke up to start my routine.) Trying to nurse the baby, fix breakfast for my 1 yr old and myself, and pump (bc I was engorged since she slept through the night) is def a lot to take care of all at once. I wouldn't be able to have done it, had I not have had 2 easy babies!

As PP said, if your planning on nursing the oldest for a yr and being pregnant is a little difficult. Your supply could tank at any time, and the flavor can change and LO may not like it anymore. If your oldest is more independent that makes it easier. My LO was just learning to walk independently when DD2 was born, needless to say, she would fall right when DD2 would start nursing. Luckily, DD1 would laugh and just take off again, but if you have one that's a little more sensitive to boo-boos then that would cause a few more difficulties.

One of the best things we did, is made our living room a great play room. We baby proofed the room so we didn't have to worry about her getting hurt while I was nursing DD2 (I was in the same room.) Being in the same room really helped her not feel neglected. She would bring me toys or books and I would play with her or read while nursing. And I always put DD2 in her bouncy seat on the floor where DD1 could go see sister. I encouraged her to give her "love" and we would talk to "her baby." DH and I always refer to DD2 as DD1's baby or her name. DD1 bounces her in her seat and gives her toys and "pets" her on the head.  I honestly believe us letting her be interactive with DD2 has helped not make DD1 jealous or hurt DD2. The few times she has rubbed or patted a little too hard we just say "be easy" or "we don't hit people that hard." We try not to direct it towards the baby and make "the baby" the problem, if that makes any sense. It has worked for us. But it really depends on how comfortable you are letting your oldest around the baby. I have a friend who wont even hardly let their oldest touch the baby. Their youngest is 6 wks old and the 1 1/2 yr old already has built up resentment towards him. It doesn't work for everyone Im sure, but has worked great for us.

It really depends on what all you can handle, how much DH can help, and how independent your oldest is.

I have loved my 2 being close in age. I hope they will be close as they get older. Its going to be expensive later in life, as they both get cars a year apart, go to prom, graduate, go to college.... I

 

MrsW80

Mine are 16 months apart and I couldn't imagine any other way. It's difficult and amazing and frustrating and the best all at once. Now that DS2 is a year old, I think about his age and how he's still such a baby, so is never want another one at around the year mark. But then, when they turn around 19,20 months or so, they start becoming demanding little people and the territorial thing sets in, so I wouldn't want to wait that long either. 16 months was the ticket for us...no jealousy from DS1 and DS2 just kind of fit right in. Like many others, I felt great my first preg and then the second was so hard on me. I had morning sickness the second time and just physically the pregnancy is harder on your body because everything is still "stretchy" for lack of a better word and there's not much support and your body just hurts. I had crazy round ligament pain so that sucked. Just something to consider if you work full time or something.

gladygirlca

We got pregnant when our son was only 3 months old.  We intended to have them close together, just not quite this close.  They will be 12 and a half months apart.  For me, I'm worried about two infants at once, but at the same time, I'm kinda glad they are going to be close together because I'm not getting any younger.  My OB said that knocking them out back to back means that I'll have 3 years of challenge and then smooth sailing.  I guess we'll see if she's right.

KacieLeigh

My first two are 15m apart.  I generally loved it, but I will give you something else to consider.  My DD1 was simply a really awesome baby.  She rarely cried, was generally content, and slept great from the beginning.  DD2 was the COMPLETE and TOTAL opposite.  She screamed for 7 months.  Seriously - a solid 7 months.  She cried all. the. time.  It was colic x100.  We had her checked out numerous times, but eventually she just stopped.  However, that made having 2 really close together....difficult, to say the least.  Once her crying/screaming days were behind us, things got much easier and now they are best friends and playmates.  I don't really know what they'd do without each other.  It obviously didn't scar me too much, because DD2 and DS are 20m apart.  DS is now 14m old and we are TTC#4.  (We actually had a m/c last cycle.) 

I love having them close together, but it definitely has things that are more difficult - especially as the kids start getting a little older.  DD1 is 4 now and sometimes it's hard to take her to do fun things because the little ones can't go and I'm a SAHM with a hard working (read:  all the time) hubby.  So it brings a new set of challenges as they get older.  But overall, I wouldn't do it any differently.