Attempting unmedicated labor/birth=lots of negativity

lisamarie.pt08

My hubby and I are taking the Bradley Birth classes in attempt to have an unmedicated labor/birth. Most people, even close friends, are very negative about it and not supportive of our decision. They basically say we can't do it...doubters! Just wondered how others in this situation have dealt with the negativity.

BootsOrHearts

Don't even bring it up with your friends. It's none of their business. Check out the natural birth board.

jax63081

BootsOrHearts said:

Don't even bring it up with your friends. It's none of their business. Check out the natural birth board.

I totally agree. Its your birth.

Jenniferomeo

I'm dealing with the same thing... When I tell people I plan to deliver naturally and med free they like to tell me I won't be able to do it once I feel how painful it is. I'm using the comments as fuel/motivation! And I stopped telling people our plans.

natleilynn

I'm sorry you're getting negative feedback on it. I'm actually getting the opposite. I'm getting all sorts of crap thrown at me because I'm saying I will probably end up with an epidural. I'm going to go as long as I can medication-free, but once I hit a certain point, if I want the meds, get out of my way and give me the meds. 

Everyone has an opinion about childbirth and at some point opinions overlap. Just do what you want to do and ignore those who want to weigh in - they won't be there, in the delivery room anyway. Early on DH had encouraged me to go med-free. I calmly told him it wasn't his decision and reminded him that this is the same girl who cried hysterically while he removed a splinter from her finger one night. Pain + this girl = no go. The lightbulb went on in his head and not another word was spoken...

Mrbatesisinnocent

Stop telling people. You don't need to be validated by others in regards to how you want to give birth.

nofcksgiven

I just wouldn't discuss it with people. Your vagina, your rules.

I've read so many posts about people being preachy or judgy about natural birth. I have some of the nosiest and opinionated friends/family in the world and no one has said one word about my birth plan. I think it's weird that so many people are getting this vibe/feedback from people.

KFED103

Just to play devils advocate, are you maybe unintentionally coming off like you think your way is better? That usually doesn't go over well with fellow moms.

Either that or your friends are just jerks.

nofcksgiven

KFED103 said:

Just to play devils advocate, are you maybe unintentionally coming off like you think your way is better? That usually doesn't go over well with fellow moms.

Either that or your friends are just jerks.

This.

MrsC731

I think you might be getting this reaction because to many people going through it unmedicated is unimaginable. I know that's the case for me. The pain is like nothing you have ever felt before. That's why you are getting this reaction. Good for you for trying though I think it's awesome. I just know I could never do it unless something happened where I had to.

NurseKMM

Ignore other people. It's your baby to deliver, not theirs. I am planning on getting meds, but like the other poster said, I'm getting flack for that too. People are going to have an opinion no matter what. Good luck to you.

JillSandm

My doctor and the Director of L/D at our hospital both think we're crazy for wanting an unmedicated birth.  We've even gotten, "But people don't do that anymore."  Soooo thankful that I have a doula who will stick up for us and our wishes!

BTW - I've had one unmedicated, and one epidural-assisted birth.  Loved the unmedicated, hated the epidural.  If I can help it, I'll never have another epidural again.

roxannebellistri

Tell them it can be done. Shockingly enough back in the day all women did it. :-) I did it with my second, although not by choice, I did it and survived. If it's what you want then go for it and forget the negativity. 

Gapeach83

Tell them it's not guarantee that the epidural will work. Mine failed and basically went all natural not by choice but I did it. It's better to be prepared to go natural.

MamaGrillo

My friend and I were just talking about this the other day.
I started off with this plan: try med-free and keep an open min about meds. I ended up needing a c/s, and have had 3, so it's a non-issue. However my friend's 2nd labour moved so fast that she couldn't have any, and she said although crazy painful it was all in all one of her best (out of 3) birth experiences, especially post-natal.

There are certain things the world in general shouldn't weigh in on. Because you almost have to expect that they're not all going to agree. But if you talk about, know that while you're not seeking permission or approval, you will still get opinions.

swirl25

It totally can be done. And if you need meds, that's completely okay too. I had an issue with my daughter which prevented me getting the epi. I am thinking that I will try my best to go med-free from the get-go this time. I mentioned this and my mom suggested I just ask for a c-section. Let's just say that I told her as nicely as possible that I would rather try my hardest for a med-free birth. Though things happen and the most important thing is healthy mom/healthy baby, a c/s would not be my choice over a med-free birth.

If med-free is what you want to try for, go for it! You can totally do it. Remember your body is designed for childbirth.

pyronautica

I got a lot of pushback when I originally told people my plans... so I've just stopped talking about it. I'm going to do things the way that I want to and I don't need people messing up my positive vibes.

HerbanMom

I agree with PP... it's one of those people get weird or offended if you try to do something that they couldn't or don't understand. It's a personal choice and you don't owe them any explanation of sorts. Anyone who comments on it about me, I just let them know "thanks but no thanks- I've done it once and I really appreciate a positive attitude instead of someone telling me I can't do it or shouldn't". That usually makes them shut their pie hole.

mh89

People are super judgmental no matter what you choose as a new mother: epidural/natural, breastfeeding/formula, circumcision/no circumcision, etc etc. It's none of their business but this is just one of the many things that you're going to run into as a new mom where you'll be judged no matter what you choose to do.

m88bloom

MrsC731 said:

I think you might be getting this reaction because to many people going through it unmedicated is unimaginable. I know that's the case for me. The pain is like nothing you have ever felt before. That's why you are getting this reaction. Good for you for trying though I think it's awesome. I just know I could never do it unless something happened where I had to.

This is where I'm at. Good for you for having the "balls" to even try! I'm going to try and go for a while with out drugs but I already know I'll want them in the end. 

TheArmadillo

I punted on this question often, especially when I knew the people with whom I was speaking were already biased against natural births and just told people that I had a friend for whom the epidural didn't work (which was true), so I was hedging my bets and preparing for a natural birth just in case the same thing happened to me. It worked and I stopped having to listen to the "but your VAGINA WILL TEAR, WHY DO YOU WANT TO FEEL THAT" nonsense, for the most part.

nicholssquared

In order to rise above the negativity, just recognize why they are being negative in the first place - they're insecure about their decisions and by putting your decision down, they are in fact self-validating. For example, someone who is too afraid of a natural birth ops for an epi, knowing that there are risks involved in getting an epi, so they feel like they're being selfish and are thus insecure. So, when they hear of someone who's not afraid of an NB, they put them down so they can feel more secure about their own decision. It works both ways, though. I know some NB people who put down people getting epis and I think those moms secretly wish they would let themselves have one. It's a complicated thought process and it's ultimately self-defeating.

Just remember that people will judge you for pretty much all of your parenting choices and that's just the nature of the beast, but if you can recognize their insecurity and be confident in your own decisions, then it shouldn't bother you. I have no problem sharing with people (who ask) about my NB experience, and I don't get positive feedback all the time, but I just smile and let them know that I respect their decision with their own body, and I imply they should respect my decision as well. If they can't, well...(eyeroll)

zou bisou

nicholssquared said:

... someone who is too afraid of a natural birth ops for an epi, knowing that there are risks involved in getting an epi, so they feel like they're being selfish and are thus insecure. So, when they hear of someone who's not afraid of an NB, they put them down so they can feel more secure about their own decision. It works both ways, though. I know some NB people who put down people getting epis ...

That's been my thought too.  I don't volunteer details about our non-medicated births unless I'm directly asked because it's a sore subject for some.  The negative reactions I've gotten have been from mothers who were not secure with what happened during their births.  I try to keep it in perspective.  They're probably sad, wanted something different, and need compassion.  I'm glad for my positive experiences and only share with those who want to hear.