Dads & Dads-to-be
Need Some Advice - Preemie, NICU Related
Hey dads I'm going to need some advice here, but want to start with the back story.
My fiancee in her last week of pregnancy got really sick. We thought it was just a bug that was going around, or dehydration, as she had suffered dehydration earlier in the pregnancy. After the advice line nurses treated her like trash, we decided that she should drink plenty of liquid and rest. Her next appointment was only three days away.
When we arrived at her appointment, her doctor had her explain what was happening. Headaches, swelling, extreme nausea were just a few of the symptoms, and she knew right away that those are all symptoms of preeclampsia. That in mind, Kaiser moved us over to Portland's referral hospital for high risk pregnancies. That is where my fiancee stayed for the remainder of her pregnancy.
They had her on and off of baby monitors, oxygen, magnesium, and had to have her blood pressure taken every 20 minutes. Finally, on Friday, August 16, we were informed that the baby needed to be delivered by c-section, and at only 24 1/7 weeks. She and I decided that we wanted to do everything we could for her, so she could have a chance at living a good life.
The c-section went well, both baby and mom came out like champions. The doctors and nurses in the NICU had my baby girl, Lillian Vinette, breathing in no time at all. They left me in close and she wrapped her tiny hand around the tip of my middle finger instantly. That was the happiest moment of my life. The next 8 days went extremely well, she even had the doctors and nurses amazed at how well she was doing for a 24 weeker that was two weeks behind in growth. I even got to start kangaroo care on the sixth night, which was absolutely amazing.
In the 8 day, the doctor found signs of necrotizing enterocolitis, so they recommended inserting the tube into her abdomen to drain the waste. She took that better than they expected. They then found a hole in her bowel that was draining into her abdomen. That would appear to be the downward spiral. Unfortunately after a day and a half of fluctuating heart rates, oxygen levels, and increasing gasses in her bloods, her odds weren't looking good. The nurse didn't sugar coat anything when I stepped away from Lillian's bedside to get all of the facts. It was the same nurse that was with me when Lillian was brought into the world. My baby girl kept throwing in the towel and then rallying to not give up. With little else that could be done, at 100% oxygen support, and the meds having increasingly little effect, my fiancee and I decided that enough was enough and that her suffering needed to stop.
My daughter spent 10 strong days on this planet, and impacted a lot of lives. She even brought members of the family closer together, and gave me the courage to tell my drugged out mother that she would not have any part of my or my children's lives. Lillian in our little miracle.
With the back story told, I seek advice from other dads that may have been through similar. My mind is absolute chaos right now, and it is getting increasingly difficult to sleep at night. What have other dads done to help ease the pain?
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Re: Need Some Advice - Preemie, NICU Related
You maybe be able to find an activity to do before bed that could make sleep come easier. For example, writing down all the chaotic thoughts on paper (even if they're disjointed and don't make much sense) can clear your mind enough to drift off. Or watching a favorite funny TV show (the show Friends got me through an awful break up!) or visiting a funny website can be a nice temporary distraction.
Take care!