Mamas who have dealt with eating disorders or anyone with any advice..

emmanemm

First off, let me start by apologizing. I rarely ever start threads, and if I do I try not to throw myself a pity party or make it all about me. I just don't really have anyone else to vent to about this stuff and would love to talk to others that can relate.

When I was 17 I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and I started seeing a psychiatrist once a week. In the years following my initial ED diagnosis I got control over my anorexia and started eating healthier. I still struggled, but it wasn't half as bad. Lately, I have had the same mindset that I had at 17. I started noticing it during my pregnancy. I really struggled with the weight gain. I gained 30 lbs. and I am 8 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight, but I feel like that's not good enough. I weigh myself every time I pass the scale. DH and my mom both have noticed something is up and have brought this up with me. I have talked to my doctor about it and I'm considering whether or not I should contact a therapist as well. I was put on prozac for PPD and my doctor said it could take two months to start to see a difference. She wants me to give it a chance to start working and see if that helps to change my thought process at all.

I just feel like I'm falling apart. This week has been especially bad. I found out I need a root canal and that is scheduled for next week, I have a meniscus tear in my left knee that is causing tons of pain, and I've been having migraines every other day. I feel like I have absolutely no control over my life at all, and the thought of my ED showing its ugly head again is truly terrifying. I just want to be happy and enjoy DD. She is already 8 weeks and I feel like time is flying by. I'd hate to look back on her newborn stage and remember myself as being depressed throughout all of it.

I know that other posters mentioned struggling with ED's in last weeks FFFC, how are you coping? Can anyone relate to anything I'm going through? I hate talking to DH about this because he gets super worried. He's been really stressed at work lately and I don't want to add to his stress.

Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors or punctuation mishaps. I'm a writer, and you would think I'd be better at grammar. Of course, what would the editors do if all writers were grammar superheros? Also, sorry if I seem spacey, my brain feels like mush lately.

If anyone actually managed to read all of my pity party, I appreciate it. Here's a funny gif for you, regardless:


ETA: wording..

ashie624

I have no advice but I am sorry you are going through this! I wish you luck with this! Stay strong!

Also, that gif is adorable!

Hilaboo86

I've never been through this, but i want to say ill be sending you t and p. stay strong mama!

Clyde013

Sorry you're having a hard time. I agree that you should talk to a therapist with ED experience. Hope you get better soon!

martyn17

I have some dear friends who have been through similar struggles. I would definitely encourage you to talk to DH when you need to, but also find a good therapist to talk to you. You deserve to feel better for yourself, you deserve to be healthy, and you want to set a good example of health and positive body image to your child. You seem like such a good momma and like you are already taking steps to feel better, so congratulations!! Continue to seek the help and support you need. I know ED are life long struggles for a lot of people so definitely continue to get help when you need it, as soon as you need it. You are going through a wonderful but difficult time, and you should be really proud of yourself.

flkong

I don't have any advice but hang in there and keep venting on here if you need to. I hope it gets better for you. Hugs >:D<

jemasa33

I'm sorry you are going through this. I agree that it is important to communicate how you are feeling to someone. Can you get rid of the scale? It used to make me crazy to weigh myself every day. I never had an ed but I did have horrible body issues with my first that exacerbated my ppd. I would cry almost every time I looked in the mirror. It just took time for me to accept the new me. The stretch marks faded and the weight came off. I was 6 pounds less than before pregnancy, but it didn't look the same. I just remind myself that I wouldn't trade my baby for my old body in a million years.

cjm724

I am sorry you are having such a hard time.  I would definitely see a psychiatrist if you can, but talk to your husband as well.  That's what he's there for.  He is your support partner and your team mate.  T&P, keep us updated.

KikiCohen

I don't have any personal experience, but my SIL struggled with both anorexia and bulimia over the course of her teens and early 20's.  She's in her 40's now and though she "recovered", I know eating can still be a struggle for her.  My advice is to let your DH know what's up.  Yes, it might stress him out, but he deserves to know and can be a support system for you.  Also, talk to your therapist about it ASAP.  (hugs)  I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

dontgiveupnomatterwhat

::hugs::
I can definitely relate. I suffered from anorexia and bulimia, so gaining weight for pregnancy was REALLY hard. I ate super healthy and exercised, but ended up gaining 50lbs somehow. I have 25 lbs to go. I keep thinking that the only thing keeping me from having an eating disorder now, is the fact that its selfish for me as a mom and that I am breastfeeding.
It's so so hard. So I definitely relate and send you lots of thoughts and prayers.

emmanemm

So sorry I have not been back to update! Thank you all so much for your kind words and support! @Livvykh, @mamasighs, @dontgiveupnomatterwhat, @fayga, @jemasa33, @mystererae, @ncchnat, and everyone else who commented that's struggling with body image, I am keeping you guys in my thoughts! I might pm you every once in awhile to see how you are doing. I feel like if we use each other for support we can get through this a lot easier.

Maybe I'll do a weekly check-in for mamas who have struggled with Ed's or who are struggling now?

I am so happy I have this board and you ladies! I am going to talk to my husband and I've already started looking for a therapist. (:

PrimRoseMama

No experience, but sending you love and support as you work through all of this. ((Hugs))