Envy making anyone else crazy??

Amykeir

I feel like such a terrible person! This week I've been really sensitive to the presence of pregnancy and babies and it makes me want to burst into tears. Another friend pregnant this week, a few on Facebook counting down the milestones of pregnancy, posting ultrasound pics - and complaining about sickness!! Arg I'd do anything for heartburn you bitch! See what I mean? It's turning me into this horrible person! Am I alone?

chickyclg

Yes, I actually just deactivated my FB for the same reason. I just couldn't do it anymore

gsancho

You're not a terrible person!  We can all relate.  I still can't bring myself to visit my friend who just had a baby quite as often as I should (considering she lives 3 miles from me).  You want to be happy for them, but you also have to take your mental health and sanity into consideration. 

Allison7

I think the jealousy is one of the hardest parts about IF. I slowly stopped going on Facebook because the announcements and the updates have just been too much. I congratulate friends and coworkers when they make their announcements, but inside I am always thinking, "why not me?" it does suck and we all feel jealous at times. Just vent it out here on the boards and keep moving forward. You are not a bad person because you feel this way!

ErinSays

It's hard. I feel incredibly envious of a lot of my friends, and some serious anger over the two terrible parents on my friends list. My husband keeps threatening to deactivate my Facebook account for me!

Mrsbabyhopes

My 23 year old cousin got married in December and pregnant in January. My high school friend married in April and conceived in May. But, I try to think of all the things I do have that make me grateful instead of focusing only on what I don't have.

RunCC37

Hang in there. It is a normal reaction, and I've found after much soul searching that I'm not entirely jealous... It is more a reminder of what I don't have but want so badly. I try my best to avoid situations with lots of pregnant people... I hid virtually every KU person on FB. It has made FB an enjoyable place to be again. When I'm out shopping, I avoid the baby aisle like it is the plague. And if I see a pregnant lady, I usually duck down a different aisle. Is it healthy? Maybe not. But self preservation is more important right now.

Love4Science

RunCC37 said:

It is a normal reaction, and I've found after much soul searching that I'm not entirely jealous... It is more a reminder of what I don't have but want so badly.

This, except for me there is always a tinge of jealousy involved too.  It's OK, so long as it doesn't begin to interfere with other parts of your life (like keeping you from leaving the house or saying things you shouldn't).  

formerwigirl

Don't feel bad I am the same way. Most of the other posters said about deactivating facebook and I've gotten close to that. I also have a friend who got pregnant not long after we both started trying. We weren't best friends but we have grown apart. I just realize its easier for me to avoid these people so the sadness is easier to deal with.

lmlee15

OMG no you are not terrible!!! I can't bring myself to deactivate my FB but I can't look at all the pics. I've definitely been more sensitive to it. Several ex bf's are having babies... friends.... etc... it sucks. You're not alone, sometimes you just have to have a pity party ya know? Come talk to the ladies on here, it'll help you keep your sanity and you know we all know what you're going through (:

Amykeir

AlaskaDee23 said:

RunCC37 said:

Hang in there. It is a normal reaction, and I've found after much soul searching that I'm not entirely jealous... It is more a reminder of what I don't have but want so badly.

This.  I don't think it's jealous, however, I sometimes feel like I'm still in complete denial that this is all truly happening, but once I head to the RE I'm sure it will set in.  I do a lot of praying! It's the only thing that gets me through my day sometimes.  I try really hard like PPs stated, to think about things I have...for example, although some of my friends have multiple kids without even really trying, they do not have the best marriages.  My husband and I have a terrific marriage,. so I try to remind myself of that often.  I feel like I'm doing a lot of therapy on myself lately, too! lol.  Changing that thought process seems to work best for me  


AlaskaDee23 your positivity is great! Just a question about what you said about prayer. I'm finding it really hard to trust God is looking out for me. It's do hard not to feel completely abandoned- especially when I've trusted so much in the past that God would bless me with a child. I just don't understand why God would let me go through all this. I keep finding myself saying it makes no difference whether I pray or not!

Allison7

Amykeir said: AlaskaDee23 your positivity is great! Just a question about what you said about prayer. I'm finding it really hard to trust God is looking out for me. It's do hard not to feel completely abandoned- especially when I've trusted so much in the past that God would bless me with a child. I just don't understand why God would let me go through all this. I keep finding myself saying it makes no difference whether I pray or not!

I know I personally struggled with this for a while. I felt frustrated or angry with God because why would he give babies to drug addicts or even just someone who couldn't afford a child, but not give one to me? I was okay with going through a bit of a struggle, but I wanted to know why he was making it so hard. I also wanted to know why he would build up my hopes three times to just take it away time and time again. I think it is natural to struggle with staying faithful when you are being tested so much, so don't worry about that. For me, I stopped being frustrated when I realized that there are a lot of things that God sees that don't always seem fair. Why do good people get cancer? Or MS? Or any other terrible thing? I just decided that I have to trust (and it took months for me to get here). We don't always get to know why we are on this path when we are on it, frustrating but okay. And I also remind myself that I will be a parent on day, I just don't know yet how that is going to happen. It might be my biological child or not, but I trust that someday I will have a child to love. *sorry paragraphs were eaten by iPad bumping.

AlphaSierra

Amykeir said:

AlaskaDee23 said:

RunCC37 said:

Hang in there. It is a normal reaction, and I've found after much soul searching that I'm not entirely jealous... It is more a reminder of what I don't have but want so badly.

This.  I don't think it's jealous, however, I sometimes feel like I'm still in complete denial that this is all truly happening, but once I head to the RE I'm sure it will set in.  I do a lot of praying! It's the only thing that gets me through my day sometimes.  I try really hard like PPs stated, to think about things I have...for example, although some of my friends have multiple kids without even really trying, they do not have the best marriages.  My husband and I have a terrific marriage,. so I try to remind myself of that often.  I feel like I'm doing a lot of therapy on myself lately, too! lol.  Changing that thought process seems to work best for me  

AlaskaDee23 your positivity is great! Just a question about what you said about prayer. I'm finding it really hard to trust God is looking out for me. It's do hard not to feel completely abandoned- especially when I've trusted so much in the past that God would bless me with a child. I just don't understand why God would let me go through all this. I keep finding myself saying it makes no difference whether I pray or not!

Sorry for all the quote trees, I'm mobile bumping.

I struggled with how my religion fit into all of this as well. The more I studied it, I realized that all of God's favorite women in the Bible struggled with Infertility, Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, etc. God told them that it took a little more time to make the perfect child for them, because they will be destined for great things. I just always try to pray to God to give me the patience to wait for our perfect child.

A book I love is Pregnant With Hope by Susan Radulovacki. It gives insight as well as other couple's struggles on the IF journey.
Hope that helps!!!

1Baby4Me

Amy you are not alone. Lately I've felt like I'm falling apart at the seems. One friend just gave birth another just announced she was pregnant one admitted to having two abortions. I just want to cry sometimes. I'm very grateful for this forum. I hope you find your escape here.

AlphaSierra said:

I struggled with how my religion fit into all of this as well. The more I studied it, I realized that all of God's favorite women in the Bible struggled with Infertility, Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, etc. God told them that it took a little more time to make the perfect child for them, because they will be destined for great things. I just always try to pray to God to give me the patience to wait for our perfect child.

I've lost touch with religion and this still made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing this. I do believe there are reasons for why things happen the way that they do. This was a beautiful reminder. Good luck to all you wonderful ladies.

priadean

I have felt the same way... We pray persistently yet nothing has happened.  I just keep praying... God's timing is so much better than ours and I feel like there has to be some unknown reason why He has said it is time yet...  For me I think he is working on getting me to learn patience.  I also have one friend here in town that is going through IF right now too. Maybe he just wanted to bring us closer together since we are avoiding everyone else in our lives... I don't know... and probably never will... But I think it is important not to lose hope.

And trust me, my positivity is only due to being a week into a new cycle... lol... I am usually devastated the first two days, then comes the feeling of "it is another cycle maybe this will be it"... then the week before I start I am contemplating if we did enough...

jaytee16

MeatandBandP said:

You are not a terrible person, I think we all feel this way sometimes.

This week one of my best friends told me they are starting to try for their first. My gut reaction was I hope she doesn't get pregnant before me. I immediately felt terrible that I had these thoughts and of course would never want her to struggle. I think this TTC stuff makes us all feel a little crazy at times. 

This was so me a few months ago!  SIL mentioned they were going to start TFAS and I immediately thought, "I hope we get PG first!" and then I felt like a jerk.  And now she's lapped me, they got KU on their first try.  

OP, I totally understand and I'm feeling that way a lot these days.  As Meat said, I don't want anyone else to struggle or feel an ounce of the pain that IF causes, but I want it so bad for us and I do find myself envious of others.  I avoid the TTGP board a little here and there because, while I'm happy for everyone that gets a BFP, it's hard to see so many people join and graduate the board when I'm still sitting in the same spot I have been for over a year...
I think what I'm learning is that you feel how you feel, try not to let the negative consume you, but you don't need to beat yourself up for feeling jealous or envious, angry or sad.  

FutureMrsW9

It's totally totally normal, and I'm sure we've all felt the same at least at one point or another.  I got to the point where I started making a list of everyone who I've seen or know that's pregnant in 2013.  Seriously, it's a sickness that I emotionally cut myself like that.  But I'm sure I'm not alone and neither are you.  I've tried to limit my fb use as much as I can, because that's seems to be where a majority of the news and complaints about pregnancy that I have no remorse for come from.

jaytee16

This is one of my current mantras, thought it might be fitting here:

It helps me to remind myself of this, and to remind myself that feeling shitty about the fact that I'm feeling shitty and envious is really not helping anyone in the long run.

rebekahj1111

I am glad to see a positive response to this.  I quit the bump a while ago because I posted something similar after a rough day and was told I should be happy for everyone instead of being snarky. I just recently decided to get back on here after next month marks a little over a year of trying. I really am happy for those who get their BFP but at the same time it reminds me of another month of not being successful.