Name Change Before Baby

jaceyjc

When I got married about 3 years ago, I kept my maiden name.  Now, I'm wondering if I'd want to add my husband's name after mine.  (Jane Smith Jones.  As baby will be Baby Jones.)  Just not sure what to do.  Keeping my name was purposeful, I just wonder if I'll miss being part of our family unit by name or if it will complicate things for our little one or myself.  I know it's a modern world and not terribly uncommon, but it has been on my mind. 

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Be gentle, please.  Morning sickness is taking a toll on me.  

sexyntexy

I like having the same last name as my kids. My kids aren't in "real" school yet but I think a lot of people will make assumptions you are Mrs Jones because that is your kids last name so they will call and ask for "Mrs Jones" when you are Mrs Smith.

KM0715

for what its worth, i was a child of divorced parents and it bothered me not having the same name as both of my parents. i actually ended up changing my name when i was a teenager to my mother's last name, but caught grief from my dad's family for doing that. My experience was obviously different, and i'm sure the divorce came into play, but it mattered to me. My maiden name before i got married was very special to me, and I did not want to change it, but the only reason i did is because i wanted to have the same name as my kids when the time came. 

others will have different opinions- and ultimately the decision is of course yours- just thought i'd share my thoughts. 

RocksInTheWater

Personally I would want my child to have the same last name as both of his/her parents.  I've seen multiple people legally change their name when they got married but keep their maiden name at work.  I also know someone whose parents each kept their names and her last name was hyphenated.  There are lots of ways you can do it.

ksulli

I know women who legally kept their maiden name and continue to use it in their professional lives, but go by mrs hislastname in their personal lives. Or you could do the opposite- legally take it and just continue to use the maiden at work (assuming you don't do something that requires licencing).

MegJ17

I'm divorced and went back to my maiden name and I still get called Mrs. S. doesn't bother me. I'm remarried and was not going to change my name but we plan on traveling internationally and I don't like the idea of DH and the twins having one last name, my two other kids having a different last name and my last name not being any if those. That's the reason I'm changing my name again.

CalinAZ

I also had parents with different last names b/c my mom kept hers. I really disliked it as a child because people assumed they were divorced. However, had a hyphenated name, which I think was what I disliked the most. My mom's reasoning did sink in with me, though, and I respected her choice to keep her name. 

We actually took half of my hyphenated name as our family name (so DH took my name in essence and I shortened mine). I love it, but some people cannot grasp that our last name wasn't DH's. I get lots of "wow...that's amazing that your last name was smith-banks and you married someone with the last name banks". Umm..no, we just took that part of my name. 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is I find it very important to have a "family name" but I don't necessarily think it should always be the wife taking the husband's. In your situation, I'm not sure what I'd do. Double last names are much more common now, but just be warned, places will have no idea how to deal with your paperwork and will constantly file it wrong. It can be very confusing. 

LittleLady77

My friend who was unmarried when she had her kid said the different names caused her a few embarrassing and annoying moments but nothing too bad. I think it's up to you. It's a very personal choice.

ZebNMichelle

After my divorce i picked a last name I did not was my ex's I cringed when people called me by it. And I did not want my dead beat dads, so I picked my own. I'm not married to Zeb so Neither of my kids will have my last name.

NicoleAnne416

I know someone who dropped their middle name and made their maiden name their middle name and their married name their last.

Holljade

I had DD before hubs and I got married. I loved when I changed my name and had the same last name as her. I agree with having a family name, it was very important to me to have the same last name (I also grew up with a divorce family, but kept my dads name until I got married, my mom changed hers each time she got married). However, if having the same last name as your child doesn't matter to you then keep things how they are. It all depends on how you feel about it.

AcaAwkward

My maiden name is my middle name (dropped my given middle). When I was Lady Lawyering, all my business cards, signatures, etc used all my names. That was important to me.

But I do really like having the same last name as DD.

Kelseyl34

I was like you when I was engaged. I thought it was unfair that my husband got to keep his name and I had to change mine, I loved my last name and wanted to keep it. So that was the plan. However, I changed my mind a couple weeks before we got married. I thought into the future and thought how frustrating it may be for my child to have a different last name then me. Also I do feel like more of a family unit having the same last name as my hubby. And, since I still feel its a little unfair, we agreed that I get more say in naming of the baby and using names from my family. This may not be right for everyone, to each their own, but it's what works for our family. Hope this helps!

bsinno

I also kept my maiden name purposefully after I got hitched, but then I changed it when I was pregnant with DD. I did want to be "The Smith's" and all have the same familiar name. I made my maiden name my middle name. Its a personal decision. 

jaceyjc

Thank you.  Great insights.  I'm thinking off staying the same at work, but changing my name legally/socially.  It's a journey, I guess.  My chief concern is our little one feeling left out of the mix.

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Curious...  Will it be more difficult to change my name now that a few years have passed?

pineconey

When we got married I dropped my middle name completely and moved my maiden last name to my middle name. I love it.
Ex- Before: Megan Erin Myers
After: Megan Myers Smith

(Not my real name)

katieharpiceland

Do what you feel is best! I'm lucky, I kept my name, but no one in this country ever takes their husband's name. They don't have surnames, but, patronymic names :-) No one in the family has the same last name, unless you have two sons, two daughters, etc.

MegJ17

jaceyjc said:

Thank you.  Great insights.  I'm thinking off staying the same at work, but changing my name legally/socially.  It's a journey, I guess.  My chief concern is our little one feeling left out of the mix.

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Curious...  Will it be more difficult to change my name now that a few years have passed?

I hope it isn't any harder. For social security you just need your certified marriage certificate. Good luck!

Holljade

No, the only difference is that with your passport you have to pay full price for a new one. If you had changed it within 6 months of the marriage you wouldn't have had to do it full price.

I paid the $20 to use missnowmrs.com because it was organized. However, you can find all of the documents and everything for free if you don't mind doing your own digging.

MegJ17

It's a year for the passport.

Holljade

MegJ17 said:

It's a year for the passport.

It must have changed since I was married, when I switched my name it was a year later and I was told 6 months was the cut off.

MegJ17

Holljade said:

MegJ17 said:

It's a year for the passport.

It must have changed since I was married, when I switched my name it was a year later and I was told 6 months was the cut off.


I just got a new passport in may and when I was looking at the name change section it said you don't have to pay for a new one within a year. It would really suck to have to pay that much again.

jaceyjc

It looks like you have a year from when your passport was issued at no charge, which thankfully works in my case.

https://travel.state.gov/passport/correcting/ChangeName/ChangeName_851.html

Mustardseed2007

Growing up I had a friend whose parents had the same last name but SHE had her mom's maiden name. I remember my insensitive middle school self (I hate that self) told her it was weird, but she totally thought it was cool. She was super self confident and very artistic and it really didn't seem to bother her one bit, which was cool.

FF to law school and a friend of mine who is very academic-minded and also a super feminist who married a similarly feminist-minded husband did something interesting: they combined their last name to make a totally different 3rd name, and they both

For me, I dropped my middle name and put my maiden name as my middle name and then my DH's family name as my last name. I now sign my name "Mustardseed Maidenname Marriedname" on all my letters and it's what's on my business card too.

I think it helps to not have it hyphenated, and then my kid can have one last name, but I don't give up my family name. Unfortunately I did give up my middle name, so we may end up using that as the middle name for this child. It's "Lee" so it goes for either boy or girl.

Tambcat

I wouldn't bother unless you just want to take his name for some other reason. I have a hyphenated last name, and it is a pain in the ass. I started out with it just double-barrelled like I think you are suggested and then started hyphenating because trying to get people to understand and accept a DB name was even more of a pain. If I had it to do over again, I would just keep my maiden name.

Tambcat

oops, wrong post!

katieharpiceland

@KimC85 I live in Iceland :-)

Tambcat

kendramiroslaw said:

I kept my maiden name after I got married almost two years ago.  It's not really a feminism thing for me, I just think that my last name is MY last name, damn it! And I've never wanted to have to give it up. But I have the same thoughts now - wanting my kids to grow up with parents who have the same last name, etc. It makes things all around less confusing.  I'm okay with people calling me by DH's last name and it's on my auto loan, but I like having my roots attached to me, if that makes sense.

PS, I feel like the only person on The Bump who uses her real name as a display name.
:-S

Well just don't piss anybody off and it should be fine.

No, really, you should probably change it. There are some nutbars here.

SB31

I kept my name and we hyphenated baby's name. No big deal.