Ambivalent about TTC #2

MoFree

Is anyone else ambivalent about TTC child #2 or more? I wish I could feel our family of 3,is complete but I don't. Besides dreading the IVF meds, especially the god awful Lupron, my concern is emotional. I am in a good place in my life as far as balancing motherhood, marriage, work, etc. I am really afraid that an unsuccessful FET or subsequent fresh cycle will bring me back to that ugly, dark hole of infertility jealousy and envy.
I don't know if this makes any sense or just my anxiety before restarting the TTC process.

Ruthie04

Absolutely. When I had the boys, I was 100% sure I wanted more children. We agreed that we wouldn't even discuss the topic of TTC for one year. We are weeks away from that deadline and I'm totally confused. I don't feel like my family is complete, but I really don't want to go through IF treatment again. It took 12 cycles of drugs and a miscarriage to get me the boys. I just can't imagine doing it again.

At this point, we are just thinking we will stop trying to prevent sometime in the next year and see what happens. I'd like to think I will be strong enough to just let things be and leave it up to chance, but I'm scared the old IF jealousy will come creeping in. I am already starting to get jealous when I hear pregnancy announcements and we aren't even trying. I don't know how I'm going to handle this. I wish this were easy.

I don't know if any of that makes sense, but i wanted to send some good vibes your way for a successful FET!

TJ1979

I think your feelings are totally understandable. You don't feel like your family is complete, but you're scared to mess up the balance you have and to go through all that pain again. Part of me is terrified to go through all of this again. But the other part knows how rewarding the outcome is and that it'll all be worth it in the end. Big hugs.

imoverit

I thought TTC #2 would be less emotional since I knew what to expect but it wasnt. Every month it was the same roller coaster of emotions. For me I wanted to throw in the towel many times and say that Im one and done but my longing for a sibling for DS outweighed all the ups and downs. Its hard so when you are ready to jump in just be prepared to know that. Another thing that kept me going was knowing that I already have a beautiful boy. He was a great distraction and hope for those dark times.

itsmevkb

Thinking about having another baby throws me into a panic.  Honestly, after my first, second and even my third I was excited to start trying again despite the inferility treatments and miscarriages.  Now, it just fills me with dread.  Like you, I feel like I'm in a good place.  I have the big family I always wanted, things are fairly manageable with work and home and I've been trying to get healthier and that's going as well as can be expected.  We have a frozen embryo though that we're committed to trying with so at some point we'll do a FET.  I'm torn on what I want and how I think I will react........I'm scared of the drugs, scared of having a high risk pregnancy, scared of bedrest, scared of another blood clot, scared of another miscarriage, scared to have a baby at no younger than 42, scared of how we'll fit another child into our home and finances..............and yet, I'm also scared that the FET won't work and that I'll be devasted.  Seriously?  How can I feel so strongly both ways????

I think it's easy to be afraid of change and purusing more treatments and potentially having another child are huge changes.  You'll figure it all out though.

MoFree

Thanks ladies for sharing your stories and feelings. I waver between feeling confident because IVF #1 was successful with 3 frosties and an awful feeling of dread and panic I will cope with a BFN.

mcgeeva

It makes sense. I think it's only natural to feel that way after the struggle anyone had before going through treatements. I consider myself lucky I just got pregnant on my first cycle back at Shady Grove but I did think..what in the hell do I do if it doesn't work this time? Like you..we have a lo already so we can't just sit and sulk and be missearble. We have to still get up everyday and go one with life. I somehow wonder if it is easier this time around because we have a special little one already and that alone when your down will make you smile at the end of the day and be so happy for the gifts we have. Just a thought..I know people still get down. Hang in there! I feel like if it worked the first time, even if it takes longer..it will happen again.

mdiblasi10

I completely understand those feelings; excited one day and terrified the next. My anxiety has been intense lately too, just thinking about the start of this process. I hope things go smoothly for you! Hugs!

Dragonfly1226

I had awful anxiety about TTC again. The IF roller coaster chewed me up and spit me out. I was so happy to have DS and scared to feel all the old IF feelings at full force. I am not going to lie. Cycling again was difficult. But since we started with a FET which we knew had a good chance of working it helped. I actually went into it expecting the worst. But just like the first time around it has been so worth it.

We were on the IF board together and I remember everything that you and your husband went through during the time when you were TTC. It is one hundred percent understandable that you are nervous to go back there. But as long as you feel like your family is incomplete it will be worth it to try. We will be her to support you. (((((Hugs)))))

Mrs.AmyDylan

I'm hear you 100%. I love my life with J and DH. I told myself that while we really want three, I could be happy with just one. And I know I could be - if I dont get back on the treatment/TTC roller coaster.

After having a beautiful, med-free, intervention-free birth, I'm not sure I could do anything but a single embie transfer. However, since we put back two and got one, I don't know how I could just do one...argh! 

So we are not preventing, but not trying...if that makes sense?

ccam

I know that we would like at least one more child but the thought of starting over again scares the living crap out of me! You're not alone. I am constantly going back and forth between excitement and anxiety. Honestly though, its mostly anxiety. I feel like we're at a good spot and in a good routine so to start over seems crazy!! But I know, in the end, we'll get back to this same spot just plus one. Hope everything goes smoothly for you and just know that you're not alone!!

CarrieB.

I also had a lot of anxiety about going back for #2. It helped a lot that DH was crazy supportive. He just kept saying that it worked the first time, so it should work again. Try to stay positive and relax.